If you have physically well parents of 70+ how do they pass time?

[phivephatphish]

My DM is in her 70s. Very fit, walks the dog 2miles a day, keeps her own 1/2 acre garden in check, goes to 2 exercise classes a week, is in a knitting group, active in the local church, does some childcare, catches up with friends. We are staying with the in laws this week. Same age, both healthy. FIL sits in front of the computer reading nonsense all day. MIL incessantly cleans her already clean house. In the 10 years I’ve known them I’ve never met or heard of a friend. They live too far away to do childcare (and we wouldn’t let them anyway). They have no hobbies, no activities they do, no groups they are in. They aren’t constrained by finance. It feels like a prison sentence by choice. I’ve made many suggestions over the years to no avail. I can’t understand anyone choosing to live like this.

Your mum sounds great! I'm interested in what others do because I am 70.

Op is letting them be she's just commenting.

Op what did they do before the retirement etc? Many well off people who are much younger live in self imposed prison like conditions.

Maybe they do worry about money. It must be a strange limbo to be in, when you can't darn money anymore...

My nan is 91 (widowed for 17 years if that's relevant) and starts every day at 5.30am with her breakfast. She heads into Asda (drives) for 9am to get her newspapers, bread and milk and speak to the cashiers. At home, she refuses to sit in her chair until 12pm at the earliest and potters around the house or tends to her large garden. When she sits down she reads her papers and completes two crosswords and finally puts the television on at 3pm, never earlier.

This is how she lives every single day and you might have guessed that she's a very active 91 year old. She attributes her good health to staying active and doing her crosswords to keep her mind working. As I type this I realise what a hero my Nan is to me.

Mil, v fit 76 year old. Walks sils dog regularly, does high intensity training for 1 minute a week with dp.

I don’t think it would bother me if I thought they were happy, but MIL is definitely not. I think what she’d really like is to share a house with us and run it. That’s never going to happen.
Was really trying to gage if my DM is a hyperactive 70something or if her level of activity is normal. Seems from a MN poll she’s normal.

It doesn't really matter what anyone else does really does it. If your parents in law are happy and want to live like that it's up to them isn't it? If they are not happy you might want to suggest some activities but if they are content just key them get on with it.

These posts are making me feel like s...t. I am not yet seventy, but close. I get up around nine-ish, I collect granddaughter from school twice a week, I write books, I do one adult education class a week, and apart from that, not a lot. I am staggered by breakfast at 5.30am. Hint, I have not yet quite come to terms with retirement and still feel a bit redundant, tbh.

Mum volunteers at the ‘old folks home’, gardening, has an active calendar of lunch/coffee dates with friends. Gardening, though she doesn’t do any of the heavy lifting or anything in the cold. The house is like a show home.

Dad does Pilates, swimming, coffee/ lunch dates with my mum. gardening, even comes round to do mine.

And they go on a lot Of holidays.

They are pretty busy, but I find that the last few years they’ve become more rigid with the schedule. It doesn’t matter what’s on offer, Tuesday is go to Costa morning so that’s what happens.

Gardening, boules, learning Italian, swimming in the summer, going on seemingly endless holidays (I am very jealous!) and yes, reading endless crap. They brought me and DB up to be fairly left wing but my mum has now started reading the Telegraph and Spectator which I think it frying her brain!

Oh and go to funerals. They’ve usually got one every couple of weeks.

My Dad died last May , He was 77 .

Mum , 75 .
3 times a week to Zumba and S/W
Sometimes before a local shop will take a walk along the prom and the pier

Meets a friend twice a month for coffee and twice a month to go to the cinema
Goes and stays with friends for some weekends or they to her.

Different strokes for different folks?

My mum sounds like yours: holidaying in Madeira, gardening, cycling, baking, church, prayer groups, helping others in the hospital, loads of friends and seeing her sister, me, my brothers, going for lunch, having coffee with friends, reading, watching tv.

My DP’s are both early 70’s and sound very much like your PIL’s! 😂

My DM spends all her time around the house either doing housework (she’s obsessive), chatting to various family members on the phone/on her iPad, reads the papers, books and watches TV of an evening. She rarely goes out socially (and if she does, it’s only to immediate family members houses) but she says she doesn’t want to - she is happy just being at home.

My DD on the other hand still works part time as he likes to get out of the house. When he’s not working he loves his garden as he finds it relaxing. Of an evening he is planted firmly in front of the TV (sometimes reading the papers too).

Neither of my DP’s have ever really had any friends or hobbies outside the home/family.

My mother is 80 and a widow.
Gym and swim 3 times a week and also a weekly Pilates class.
Maintains 4 acre garden and large old house. Still clambers around on the house roof when repairs required.
Arty hobby done most days at home and once a week in a class. Undertakes commissions for this hobby and teaches the odd workshop. Has evening meetings twice a month. Most months has a weekend residential for hobby.
Flys alone to Australia most years. Hosts at least 2 parties for 40-80 people a year.
This weekend staying with a pal in n London.
Socialises regularly with friends and relatives.
Will probably continue like this until 100 or beyond.

It's not a life model that I am following however.

The in laws are going to be very lonely when one of them pops their clogs.

My grandmother worked until she was 82. My mother until she was 71.

Our village neighbours are mainly older people. The 94 year old gave up driving last year. She was a bit terrifying as she had cataracts.
Our closest neighbours are a couple aged 84 and 78. He paints and sells his work. He gives wine tasting talks. He runs a Spanish speaking club. She does yoga, belongs to the WI, gardens a lot, bakes for older neighbours and dog sits. They have the grandchildren about one weekend a month. We went to a Valentines drinks party at theirs. Great fun. Good canapés and decent free flowing wine.

Seventy really isn’t that old nowadays.

My dad's 69 and still works although on an intermittent basis, he also volunteers at a 'old people's' companion service / handyman service. He sings in a choir, travels quite a bit and does walking trips & then talks (to audiences) about the walks and he helps look after my mum (they are long time divorced) who has dementia.
My FIL is 72, still works part time as a consultant in his field (on projects that takes his fancy rather than an hourly contract)
He also is heavily involved in a sport and is now involved in organising the international championships as well as local competitions.
He also sings in a choir
My MIL plays golf, volunteers, is an active member of the soroptimists and spends time with the grandkids
My ILs also like to travel, go to concerts and help look after my GIL who is in her 90s and lives in a care home but they spend a lot of time taking her out/ to appointments and family lunches etc
Frankly they are all quite busy and have packed social calendars, I'm sometimes a bit envious

If they're happy ,what does it matter? Sometimes I'm busy, sometimes I'm not, but it's my choice. Leave them alone, not everyone has to be busy to be happy.

By not retiring and running very stressful businesses - I do not approve! They retired from the NHS but went into private practice.

Mine pass their time in sowing discord and disorder. Except on Thursdays they pursue vendettas and at weekends they mostly just snarl at each other.

I don't care because for the last year they are at least doing all this hundreds of miles away from me!

Zumba, Pilates, yoga, cardio, ballet, legs, bums and tums classes.
Reading, knitting, crochet, cross stitch.
Trips out with friends. Coffee or lunch with friends. Gardening, housework, shopping.

Both DM and MIL are widows.

DM (early 70s) does yoga, AmDram (although not on stage since the menopause because she csn't remember lines anymore), she's quite senior in a volunteering role, does wrap around care for DBros 3DC and looks after them when DBro&SIL go on holiday, has regular outings with her friends. Has a lovely life basically.

MIL (early 80s) goes to church, travels (trips to South America, Greece and SE Asia in the last year), regular meet ups with her friends etc etc. She comes to us for a couple of weeks every summer, bakes or cooks every day, goes to church, does gardening and some childcare for us. I want to be like her when I grow up!

I think you need to keep your brain and body active once you are retired or you lose it very quickly.

My DPs are late 80s & incredibly active - yoga, tennis , volunteering, meeting friends, trips to London, theatre, cinema, meals out. They are fortunate, good health and good pensions to enjoy their retirement.

But not everyone likes being ‘busy’ ... you only have to red the threads on here to hear about people who don’t have hobbies or friends , that must be even harder when you don’t have the routine of a job to go to.

I think the problem with a lifestyle like your ILs is when one dies, the other one will be very lonely.

They don’t have to be doing something every day but to have no social life at all isn’t very good. It is important to keep your mind reasonably active.

Walking, fitness classes, childcare for grandchildren, lunches with friends, holidays.

Tv in the evening, reading, and a lot of internet research on every thing😊