Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

Thing is though its odd the takeaway bit - if you are paranoid about hygenie standards etc why would you be ok with a takeaway made in a kitchen that could be below environmental guidelines and potentially not as clean as a domestic kitchen

I honestly think many people with ocd think their behaviour is rational, that is part of the condition. So my family member thinks everyone should eat ready meals as that is much safer

Basic manners is trying to be understanding of others' difficulties and restrictions, and being a good host.

I know quartz it makes nil sense

Is there a nice farm shop or garden centre type supermarket near you? They often do "ready meals" but are actually more like home cooked meals that you could all enjoy.

Have a nice pizza in the fridge as back up in case and you can have that the next day if it's still there.

Basic manners is trying to be understanding of others' difficulties and restrictions, and being a good host.

And also basic manners is trying to be as good a guest as you can, making sure that any allergies etc are known in advance and that you are being reasonable in any requests and not putting your host to a deal of trouble and worry about whether someone is going to enjoy the evening or make a fuss.

as other have said it maybe a OCD or ASD thing (interesting fact here many women who are originally diagnosed with OCD/Anorexia/ are eventually found to be within the autistic spectrum - further note while more males than females are diagnosed with ASD MORE woman than men are diagnosed with ASD) so give her the benefit of the doubt but I suggest you make a parallel meal ie a takeaway version of something yo do a good quality home made version - like a pizza or pasta with a nice side salad

She's asked for a ready meal so get a ready meal. They're not that expensive, are they? If you're having chicken, get her chicken kiev/curry/hunters chicken. If you're having chilli get her a chilli, lasagne/lasagne, beef stew/beef stew. There's usually like for like wherever you shop. Get her a bag of salad or mixed veg or frozen rice and jobs a good 'un. There could be a million and one reasons why she's made that request. It's a one off and you either accommodate her request, ask her to provide her own food or tell them not to come.

I think it is rude to tell someone you won’t eat anything they’ve prepared, but are open to takeaways regardless of provenance (some are quite seriously skanky). Whatever your issues.
Why accept a dinner invitation at all?

@Schmoozer

But the judgemental attitudes here are shocking

Aren't they just. It's depressing.

blast - more woman than men are diagnosed with OCD? Anorexia.

I would rather my family member came even with their ready meal need because I wouldn’t want to leave them out. Think this sort of thing can be very isolating

Perhaps she thinks that take-away restaurants have been checked by inspectors (rightly or wrongly) and feels safer with that.

I'd definitely ask her to bring her own, depending on what the problem is you could go to a lot of trouble and expense and still not get something she's willing to eat.

I know someone who is a recovering anorexia who only eats one tinned food and doesn’t eat at all outside her own home. I think this is a lot more common than people realise, so in a way I think great that’s she’s making the effort to go out

@SixesandEights indeed !!!
Appalling attitudes.

I think you need to know why she can't eat homemade food. Otherwise it's impossible. Shop bought pizza and garlic bread should work - but then does salad from a bag count as a ready meal or does that become home cooked? What if you add tomatoes or peppers? Does the dressing need to be unopened or can you stick olive oil and vinegar on the table? How you manage it will be very different depending on if it's some weird (and misplaced given takeaways are ok) hygiene thing or something else entirely.

Weird & rude.

If she eats like a fussy toddler - tell her to bring her own food.

Watching with interest.

This thread is really depressing. Like others, I have had exactly this issue for most of my life, and have had so much (unsuccessful) counselling to try to tackle it.

I avoid eating at other people's houses, in order to avoid the disgusting attitudes of some on this thread.

As far as I can tell, the guest has not demanded a ready meal, merely suggested it as a way of getting around the issue. It is not easy to be open about OCD.

Carrie if you came to dinner at mine I would be very happy to serve you a ready meal and proud you felt able to tell me

If she has this odd restriction suggest she bring some food that she will eat and then serve everyone else whatever you want. She is a guest in your home, not in a restaurant.

Excellent suggestion.

I think that this woman is remarkably rude!

Anyway who gives a shit about the food - I want to see my friends and accept them for who they are

As far as I can tell, the guest has not demanded a ready meal, merely suggested it as a way of getting around the issue. It is not easy to be open about OCD.

No, the guest has told the OP that she should order a takeaway, irrespective of what OP can afford. "Getting around the issue" would be acknowledging your issues and offering to bring your own. Why is it OK to push your issues on to everyone else?

I think most people are understanding of food issues, but the takeaway aspect of this is strange because, as others have said, you don't know where the meal has come from and is highly likely to be less hygienically prepared than a home-cooked meal.

I'm wary of people's cakes and so on. I remember being presented as a thank you for babysitting with a cake "made by Leo and I". Leo was three and had a stinking cold. No thanks!