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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
MimiLaRue · 11/02/2020 19:38

Oh FFS- if she's that stupidly fussy then she should bring her own damn food. What a precious princess she is. Rude bitch.

JosefKeller · 11/02/2020 19:38

It's likely to be an anxiety thing and anxiety is not rational
not an excuse to be a twat though.

You can be polite, not like the OP's guest who "demands" a take-away or ready-meal.
When you see where most of them come from, how they are prepared and transported...

I love the suggestion of baby food, brilliant

DiegoSaber · 11/02/2020 19:39

I agree with you, not much compassion round here, for someone who may be struggling with some issues and may be finding going out to a strangers house to eat really challenging

If that's the case, wouldn't it have been helpful for OP's friend to explain that, even if very vaguely, in the message. Rather than just saying it off-the-cuff like the most normal thing in the world?

Interested in this thread?

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Nancydrawn · 11/02/2020 19:39

The rudeness is not in her needing to eat a ready meal. I mean, sure, it's rude, but it's also so odd that it suggests real problems (or just genuine weirdness).

The rudeness is asking you to provide the ready meal. If he said, "Jane has some complicated food needs so she's just going to bring a ready-meal," then this would be totally solved!

Food issues are best dealt with by the person who has the issue, not the host whom you haven't seen in some time. That's not weird--it's terrible manners.

MimiLaRue · 11/02/2020 19:40

It's likely to be an anxiety thing and anxiety is not rational

Then you offer to bring your own food OR you ring the host to politely explain your predicament. You dont just demand a specific food via someone else. If youre that anxious then do the hosting yourself, not expect others to accommodate your specific needs. Its basic manners

Porkeypine · 11/02/2020 19:40

Oh god it doings like me. I can’t really eat homemade food made in someone else’s home. Absolutely mental I know but it’s just one of those ‘weird things’ I have.

My step sister is same and we didn’t grow up in the same house so I can’t imagine it’s something we learned?

It’s actually really shit to live with. It means when someone brings in homemade cakes etc I can’t with them even if they look lush. It’s like a bit of a phobia. I really don’t enjoy it.

I can be very funny in restaurants at times to so tend to stick to ones I thunk I’ll be ok in. It’s crazy nuts but my friends know the score.

I’d avoid the situation ideally but at least the partner was honest then at least you know, so you don’t need to go to the trouble.

I’d recommend buying a pre made meal etc like a big pasta dish, even lasagne and garlic bread or pre-made salad in the bowls. I’d be happy with that.

Nightmare for you I know but it’s actually quite debilitating.

saraclara · 11/02/2020 19:40

Lots of very uncaring people here. She clearly has some sort of serious food issues, which I'm sure she didn't invent in order to be awkward. And of course she's not the one who's told OP what she can/can't eat. Her partner did.
If she'd spoken to OP she might well have explained more and been very apologetic.

As someone else suggested, I'd contact the guy again and say "just to clarify, would X be okay with M&S lasagne and bagged salad? Anything else I should be aware of when prepping it?"

Blurby · 11/02/2020 19:40

I think the issue appears to be your friend (the man) not stipulating as to whether the request for take away to ready meal is down to an intolerance/allergy/phobia. If he'd have elaborated, even just a little, I'm sure that you would have more to go on and that this thread may not exist.

Best thing to do is just politely ask. Because if you do then get takeaway or ready meals, will she be allergic to those?

Porkeypine · 11/02/2020 19:41

sounds like me

SinkGirl · 11/02/2020 19:41

it is 2020, we know about mental health and physical health issues and we don't judge. (ok, some do but I don't and the lovely OP clearly doesn't).

Have you read this thread?! Even after people have explained about their anxieties / OCD, people are still judging and calling it illogical. Along with judgemental comments about those who don’t eat certain things, or saying they’ll only cater to coeliacs as everything else is faddy (must remember my epipen if I go to theirs for dinner!)

Quartz2208 · 11/02/2020 19:41

I would decide something that you want to cook that can match a ready meal to it (cook range is very good). So things like lasagna/fish pie etc and serve her the ready meal and everyone else the homecooked food

IrmaFayLear · 11/02/2020 19:42

Phobias or issues or not, I agree it is bad manners to make extra work or to inconvenience a host. In this case the simplest thing is for the guest to volunteer to bring her own ready meal, or say, "Oh, any old ping cuisine will do." The evening should be about enjoying the company, not the host hopping about worrying about a demanding guest.

Porkeypine · 11/02/2020 19:42

For those taking the piss, it really is shit to live with!

saraclara · 11/02/2020 19:43

Its basic manners

Basic manners is trying to be understanding of others' difficulties and restrictions, and being a good host.

There's nothing here to say that the woman has DEMANDED anything. She can't eat some things and her partner passed that information along.

SixesandEights · 11/02/2020 19:44

It is expecting the OP to buy her a special (unspecified) meal that's the problem.

To be fair it's the Op's friend who has passed on the message and has provided no further explanation other than "ready meal or takeaway". It may be a good idea for OP to enquire further. To suggest buying her something horrible or bland, or even baby food, and saying she's being childish when no one on here has any idea why homecooking is a problem for her, isn't particularly nice.

LuluJakey1 · 11/02/2020 19:45

We have a friend who doesn't eat anything made by anyone but himself or his wife. He has slight ASD tendencies and their son has been diagnosed with ASD. He does not eat at parties or go out to restaurants and if they are invited to friends he takes his own food. Everyone is just used to it.

MimiLaRue · 11/02/2020 19:45

Basic manners is trying to be understanding of others' difficulties and restrictions, and being a good host

Nope. If someone is kind enough to offer to host you, and you have very specific for needs or requirements then you should bring your own food. That way, you are 100% in control of it.

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:45

My family member wouldn’t explain either - not because of deliberately trying to be rude but because to them their good thing is entirely rational, as is their requirements about locking up rituals at night

PineappleDanish · 11/02/2020 19:45

This woman is clearly weird about food for whatever reason. That's her lookout.

What is unreasonable is making her weirdness the OP's problem. The OP has to change her plans to accommodate the faddy eater. If the faddy eater really was concerned about minimising her impact on other people, the partner would have said that she didn't eat homemade food but not to worry she'd bring a microwave meal / pot noodle / salad.

Instead, everyone else has to dance to her (faddy) tune. That's the unreasonable bit.

Schmoozer · 11/02/2020 19:45

Yes. Eating disorders present in many ways.
People are usually desperate to NOT stand out, make a scene, bring any attention to their tricky eating behaviours
I suspect the message hasn’t been conveyed very well by the bloke.
Maybe he’s trying to protect her privacy ?
Who knows !!!
But the judgemental attitudes here are shocking 😮

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:45

Good thing I mean, not good thing

Clymene · 11/02/2020 19:46

It is not rude to not eat home cooked food. When you have been invited to someone's house for home cooked food, it is rude to demand a ready meal.

Nothing to do with being unsympathetic or unkind. Just manners

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:46

FOOD thing

SpaceDinosaur · 11/02/2020 19:46

Plan your menu for the rest of you and then look for a store bought equivalent for the rude one.

You'll find something "similar" in most aspects. Steer clear of M&S and Waitrose as they're expensive and she's rude. Iceland will probably serve you well.

Then whatever you serve in your lovely plates and dishes, ensure that hers is placed on the plate still in the packaging it came in to reassure her that hers is genuinely junk food, not lovingly homemade.

SpaceCadet4000 · 11/02/2020 19:47

She probably has a severe phobia for them to be making this request. Ideally, your friend should have offered to bring something but he probably thought it'd be easiest if you were all eating the same thing especially since you have a baby.

I doubt the rudeness is intentional. If he's a good friend I'd just get a single-serve ready meal for her and cook for the rest of you if you want to cook.