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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:58

It’s the dp who asked for the meal

DiegoSaber · 11/02/2020 19:59

I avoid eating at other people's houses, in order to avoid the disgusting attitudes of some on this thread

I honestly think that a better takeaway (no pun intended) from this thread would be that even a little explanation goes a long way. I think if the message had included just a little bit of info—no embarrassing details needed—peoples' responses would have been much more considerate. Most people aren't really arseholes, just maybe a bit dim and slow to think about why people might act the way they act.

whimbrel · 11/02/2020 19:59

@annelovesgilbert if it is OCD or anxiety around contamination there will be no logic to it. Can you ask more questions tactfully and say you're happy to accommodate her - giving her the same consideration that you would if someone had a food allergy? She may be too anxious to even eat anything but may feel pressure to come over for dinner because she knows how important it is to her DP. Anything that you buy for her check, once she's there, the best way to prepare it. She may only use cutlery for example, no finger foods or sharing bowls etc.

Some people's assumptions on the thread are awful and so unsympathetic. Hopefully she's getting some help for whatever the reason is she can't eat at other peoples homes.

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General relationships
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 11/02/2020 19:59

I think the dp is using her as an excuse and doesn't want to eat your food 😂

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 20:00

I agree Diego except that I would also say sometimes we have to try to remember people won’t always be able to explain

Schmoozer · 11/02/2020 20:01

@carriemathisonshandbag we aren’t all of the judgey type !!!
I also would happily provide for you whatever you need to eat 🌼

AndThenThereWereSeven · 11/02/2020 20:01

Are you a dreadful cook and word has got back? Wink

Natsel84 · 11/02/2020 20:01

Where the logic

She doesn't eat peoples homemade food.
But she would eat a take away cooked by other people in your home and a microwave meal put together by someone else to cook in your home..
Right..
Have you any take away containers?
Make a home made chinese and say it's from the local take away Wink

IrmaFayLear · 11/02/2020 20:02

I don't think people have "disgusting attitudes" - it's just that without explanation someone can come across as a fussy bugger. Plus, if the partner is new on the scene, she should be the one trying to be accommodating, by offering to bring her own food for example. This is not an old friend or family member who people know has issues. This is a new guest who should be doing their level best to be polite.

riotlady · 11/02/2020 20:02

I think that this woman is remarkably rude!

I wonder if she’d have phrased it differently if she was talking to the OP direct though. There have been quite a few times when I’ve said something to DP like “can you tell your dad I’m really sorry but we can’t do Wednesday afternoon, I have to take DD for her jabs in the morning and she’ll be really grumpy. Sunday would be great though!” and he will literally just text his dad “riotlady says Wednesday is no good”

DiegoSaber · 11/02/2020 20:03

I agree Diego except that I would also say sometimes we have to try to remember people won’t always be able to explain

True. In this case OP's friend could just have worded the whole message a bit more politely, couldn't he? Sucks for his GF that he potentially pissed off the host (although seems he didn't, luckily for him) because he couldn't just say something like "I know it's a pain, but DP has a few issues with eating homemade food in other peoples houses, do you think we could maybe get a takeaway? Or we could bring a ready meal with us". Apparently he's a great guy though.

rosegoldwatcher · 11/02/2020 20:03

Whatever her reasons, chances are they don't often get invited for dinner so you absolutely must cater for her this time.
Get something from M&S foodhall - they do Gastropub range which are ready meals but look a bit more interesting.

You can ask HER about her homemade food aversion on the night!

Mulhollandmagoo · 11/02/2020 20:03

I think a few supermarket pizzas, garlic breads, and some crisps and dips would be perfect! I'd love that if I were going to someone's house to eat and they served me that!! Get some tasty pizza toppings and posh crisps so you've still made the effort but catered to everyone

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 20:04

Yes exactly Diego!

MincedOath · 11/02/2020 20:04

I would text and ask what her favourite ready meal is and then we'd all eat that. Unless she'd really prefer a takeaway in which case we'd do that. But I'm nice like that.

Fannia · 11/02/2020 20:04

Why take offence when there's no need. Keep things simple and just get a takeaway.

Wonkybanana · 11/02/2020 20:06

You have to talk to DH's friend and get clarification. DP doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses but a takeaway or ready meals would be fine - it's the use of 'meals' (plural) that makes me think he's expecting that you'll all eat the same as she does.

If you serve home cooked to everyone else, and a ready meal to her, I can imagine it might get very uncomfortable. She might get very annoyed or offended that you've singled her out and made her the odd one.

Either talk to him again, or downgrade to packet nibbles (Aldi do good nibbles a lot cheaper than other supermarkets) and drinks.

MimiLaRue · 11/02/2020 20:07

Why take offence when there's no need. Keep things simple and just get a takeaway

OP said money is tight and they dont have the budget for takeaway- which I understand, its very expensive. plus, there's only one takeaway place where they live

IrmaFayLear · 11/02/2020 20:07

The OP says they only have one takeaway nearby. What's the betting that it's an Indian restaurant and the guest only eats Chinese food? What if the guest had in mind a JustEat type of scenario where you can order a proper meal from a restaurant as opposed to a skanky post-pub kiosk serving salmonella in a trough? It's a minefield! The OP must seek clarification!

Original poster
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 20:08

To be honest I'm inclined to think that if she won't eat homemade food in other people's houses, then she should just refuse invitations where this would be expected.

That’s fair and I’m only assuming she’s happy he’s made the date for us all to meet. Hope so!

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 11/02/2020 20:09

Good spot, Wonkybanana - the guest is expecting ready MEALS not one ready meal for just her. And a takeaway all round, not her with a bag of pork balls.

HasaDigaEebowai · 11/02/2020 20:10

It'll be an OCD thing. I know someone who won't eat anything homemade. It's a fear connected with cleanliness. Whilst it might seem irrational, it probably isn't something she can help.

I'd do the tescos two for a tenner meals which would include main course, sides and a pudding plus two bottles of wine for £20.

Original poster
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 20:10

Why in the name of God are you inviting someone who won’t eat home cooked food (but is happy to eat takeaway??) to dinner?

We put a date in the diary, decided dinner was easiest and then he told me about her restrictions/preferences.

OP posts:
crystal1717 · 11/02/2020 20:10

Ive had friend who would take his own Tupperware container of mainly carrots and cucumber and cheese cubed to dinner parties / days at friends/our shared houses, back in the day. Think 'friends' type life.

It was nice to include him in our friendship group, he was (is?) a nice guy and he suffered more from his phobias than we did. We pretended not to notice and he was fully integrated into friendship group. This was back pre kids in my 20s. It would have been awful to make him sit at home/ not invite him due to this.
It was to do with germs and not knowing where spoons plates ingredients had been. And saliva and bacteria and breath. I do understand, if you think about it. I'm just glad that's not how my neuroses manifest themselves ! :)

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 11/02/2020 20:11

I suspect a food allergy. For mine the mere use of a bowl, spoon etc for the allergen is enough to trigger me. Although for me i would still need to know what the shop bought or takeaway was as there is a huge amount I can't go near as a result of my allergy.

I would speak to the friend a bit more and ask for a bit more detail.