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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
VirtualHamster · 11/02/2020 19:21

I'm coeliac so am nervous about people's home made cooking unless they're used to catering for gluten free. But then I would't trust a takeaway either. I'd normally offer to bring something for myself and say don't worry about catering for me.

The restriction of no home made but then no further guidance about takeaways or ready meals seems bizarre.

Beautiful3 · 11/02/2020 19:21

My friends daughter cannot eat food unless it's been in packaging, and physically opened by her. It's a germ thing for her that triggers anxiety. Maybe a nice microwave dinner? But let her open it when its time to cook it. Think you need to find out more about it e.g. dietary requirements or germ phobia.

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:21

I would just ask what she eats from the supermarket you usually go to and buy it

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Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:22

But do normal for everyone else

FinallyHere · 11/02/2020 19:24

I absolutely agree that the decent thing is to deal with whatever nutritional requirements people set for themselves but .... if you are going to provide a meal for someone, surely it would be advisable to make sure they are clear what the issues are so that they can do their best to comply.

it's a fear of "hygiene issues" then why would any unspecified takeaway pass muster? Ready meal - does it need to be served in the container? Who is allowed to remove the packaging.

It can't help that you aren't getting g a chance to speak directly to the person concerned. I'd do the 'like to run my plans past you' need for a call.

Good luck.

WhereShallWeMoveTo · 11/02/2020 19:24

I would suggest they bring something for her, like you would an awkward child - and the rest of you eat the lovingly prepared homemade meal.

This. There is absolutely no logic to her being happy to eat from any old takeaway but not from someone else's kitchen. If she's this weird about food then chances are she wouldn't trust the takeaway you picked either.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 11/02/2020 19:26

I think it's unreasonable to just drop in this requirement without any explanation. To be honest I'm inclined to think that if she won't eat homemade food in other people's houses, then she should just refuse invitations where this would be expected.

I would want to just offer her toast, but in reality I'd contact the friend and ask that she brings her own food since yours in case you get it wrong.

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:26

If Ocd were logical then my family member wouldn't need to spend an hour doing usuals to be able to leave the house

Onceuponatimethen · 11/02/2020 19:26

Rituals not usuals

MissConductUS · 11/02/2020 19:28

It sounds like a phobia or an OCD thing possibly. Ask her to bring something she knows he will enjoy.

Clymene · 11/02/2020 19:28

It's not rude @SixesandEights to refuse to buy a random takeaway for a person who you have invited for dinner.

You say you don't eat out and avoid situations like this. That's fine and it's not making your issues other people's problems.

It is expecting the OP to buy her a special (unspecified) meal that's the problem.

SentimentalKiller · 11/02/2020 19:28

Make something amazing and give her a 99p ready meal

PixieRabbit · 11/02/2020 19:29

Just speak to the guy. If he’s not sure exactly what his girlfriend wants, ask him to get her to bring whatever she fancies and you can pop it in the oven or microwave, or they can fetch her a McDonald’s or whatever on the way.

Keep the nibbles in bags and see if she wants hers in a separate bowl? There’s something a bit gross about everyone putting their hands in the same dish.

I don’t think it needs to be awkward. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your efforts at accommodating her, especially if she’s struggling.

Or if it turns out to be a weird/unpleasant evening just don’t see her again. I’m looking forward to finding out how it goes anyway. Good luck!

ArcheryAnnie · 11/02/2020 19:30

But if she hasn't said what the issue is, then there's no point in speculating about OCD, allergies, anxiety, etc. Either she says why she asks this, or she doesn't say, which is her right - nobody else is entitled to information about her health that she doesn't want to give, But at the same time, she's not entitled to everyone sancing around her or buying special things just to please her. I'm with the "serve a proper dinner but ask her to bring something for herself" crowd here.

katy1213 · 11/02/2020 19:31

If she doesn't eat other people's food, then I'd suggest she stays at home.

Grobagsforever · 11/02/2020 19:32

It does sound like the poor woman suffers from ocd/anxiety. Not fun for her and very hard work for her partner. I've been the partner...

IrmaFayLear · 11/02/2020 19:32

is this the same woman who used to go out with dh's friend?!

They came to stay for a night and dh's friend texted a list of things his gf would eat. It was: chicken fajitas, chicken chimichangas, ribs and something else I can't remember. It sounded like the menu from The Harvester!

I busted a gut trying to accommodate, and boy, was she the rudest woman I have ever met in my life. She spent the whole time scowling, asked for the wifi code before even saying hello, and turned her nose up at my dinner saying that it was difficult to reproduce restaurant food. Angry. I vowed she would never set foot in my house again, despite her trumpeting that she was dh's friend's life partner. (He dumped her shortly afterwards.)

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 19:32

Why in the name of God are you inviting someone who won’t eat home cooked food (but is happy to eat takeaway??) to dinner?

SinkGirl · 11/02/2020 19:32

It's the way she's gone about it that's so rude.

She hasn’t gone about it any way. Her partner has, she might be mortified about how he’s handled it.

I have food phobias, it’s so embarrassing and humiliating and I do my best to avoid eating at other people’s houses. If DH said this to a couple I’d never met I’d be so embarrassed.

Why does everyone have to assume the worst, that she’s rude etc when you know nothing about her and she didn’t personally say this!

zasknbg · 11/02/2020 19:32

Just serve a box lasagne, garlic bread and bag salad.
www.cookfood.net/menu/main-meals/lasagnes
It’s home style food, cooked and frozen. £15 for a 4 person lasagne that you just need to shove in oven.
Get it delivered
Job done
Have some beans and toast on standby if they’re going to be fussy.
Seems a weird request. Does she think your house is dirty or something?

viccat · 11/02/2020 19:35

It's likely to be an anxiety thing and anxiety is not rational, I imagine she feels bad about making a fuss and would probably find it easier to just not visit at all.

I can relate to some extent; I do eat other people's food but will avoid it if I can i.e. if I go to a party or a picnic where everyone's bringing food and nibbles, I will stick to eating what I brought or the stuff that comes straight out of a package. Take aways do feel different, mainly because I know professional kitchens are regularly inspected - I check hygiene ratings though and won't order if it's lower than 4.

OrchidJewel · 11/02/2020 19:36

I would definitely give benefit of the doubt here contact the friend and ask what she likes. It's your home and you sound like you'd hate anyone to be uncomfortable. Get her a takeaway or ready meal then. His reply might shed some more light on it. You've done everything right then. Enjoy your night

DiegoSaber · 11/02/2020 19:36

It's just weird that the old friend would drop that detail without any explanation. If it was me, I'd know that it would be seen as quite strange, so if my partner had a legit reason, I'd explain that in the message!

mencken · 11/02/2020 19:36

if she has a problem it can be worked round but she needs the basic manners to explain.

it is 2020, we know about mental health and physical health issues and we don't judge. (ok, some do but I don't and the lovely OP clearly doesn't). But the woman either explains or doesn't come to dinner.

what is blindingly insulting is to make extra work for a host, especially with guessing games.

Schmoozer · 11/02/2020 19:38

@Ughmaybenot I agree with you, not much compassion round here, for someone who may be struggling with some issues and may be finding going out to a strangers house to eat really challenging.
Having a ready meal isn’t the end of the world and neither is suggesting
They bring something they are ok with
We are not all that oblivious / unempathic to mental health issues !!