Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

Maybe suggest they get a meal bag from a supermarket and you and your family get something for you or even ask them to come over once they have eaten and just have drinks.

They’re not bloody well coming, ffs!!

Ask the rude cow to bring her own food.
Unbelievable

She won't eat nice homemade food but will eat mass made ready meals or take out - doesn't she realise that other people make this food too!? She can't be a germaphobe because they won't touch a take away with a 10ft pole! Can't be allergies either as take out is risky....

So that just leaves rude or fussy! Cook a big lush meal as you would normally - dish her a microwave spag bol from Tesco.

I would never be so rude as to refuse to eat someone's food with no reason (ie allergy)

I would think she has a phobia. Whilst I understand how odd it sounds there’s no reason to suspect she’s being rude intentionally. I had issues eating in people’s houses for years but I wouldn’t have wanted takeaway either. Please be kind people.

Do you have a big supermarket near OP?
One that does rotisserie chickens? How about one of those some tear and share bread, pre done salads?
Does that count as a 'ready meal'
I wouldn't put the snacks out in bags, maybe try not to draw attention. Have you seen how to make a big crisp packet into a bowl? You could do that in front of her while chatting??
If she is uncomfortable around food, she might not eat much anyway or not be happy to share food. Family sized oven ready meal, like pasta bake or some pizza's might work - but not if she doesn't like sharing. How about doing a grazing board? (If it's a hygiene thing then maybe let her 'catch' you laying it out with gloves on, chuck in a throw away comment about being really particular when prepping food)
Probably best to get DH to drill down on the details or your just making it impossible ......

Sorry OP !
Missed your update !!
Seriously look up the crisp bowl thing ... great for student house parties !

She'll eat a takeaway where you have no idea under what conditions the food was prepared, but she doesn't trust yours. How bloody rude is that? I would just say sorry but take it or leave it. Or in fact not to bother coming at all. Do you need people like that in your life?

Definitely ask her to bring her own and say you’ll cook for the rest. Tell her you’re fussy about hygiene so will ONLY eat homemade food. Cheeky cow! What a great first impression she’s made.

Whaaaaaat, how rude, here's what you need to do, OP:
CANCEL THE CHEQUE
PUT IN PENGUIN BOLLARDS
PHONE 101
LTB
NOT MY CIRCUS NOT MY MONKEYS
THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME
IT'S AN INVITATION NOT A SUMMONS

Oh they aren't coming.

@lozz22

Sounds like you met my ex husband!! He was the same but the 'issue' would change depending on who we were with, what day of the week it was or if it was a blue moon on Mars! One minute it was homemade only, the next shop bought only (always the opposite of what was in) . What ever the last issues were he would deny ever happened and this was the only issue he ever had, until the next one... I swear he just loved being an arse!

kazlau - well said!

I would think she has a phobia. Whilst I understand how odd it sounds there’s no reason to suspect she’s being rude intentionally. I had issues eating in people’s houses for years but I wouldn’t have wanted takeaway either. Please be kind people.

I know the point is moot now, as they aren't coming, but I don't see how this could be taken any other way than that she's being intentionally rude. Your issues were consistent, as you also rejected takeaways - you were saying that you couldn't eat food made by ANYBODY else.

She will eat homemade food at home but she will only eat takeaway or ready meals at OP's home. It's a clear rejection of OP's cooking abilities and/or hygiene standards. She was saying that she would eat anything made by anybody EXCEPT for OP.

Assuming her DP reported the request accurately, she certainly wasn't being kind.

I’d rather eat homemade food that i know will be freshly cooked than a take away. But then i did get which i think (🤢) was beard hair in two dishes and have become extremely fussy where i order from 😕

What's her problem? Is it because she thinks it's a hygiene thing? I personally wouldn't have them over

Cook dinner for everyone else.

Heat up a no-brand supermarket frozen pizza for her.

I would cook delicious 3 course meal for 3 and buy a frozen pizza and a readymeal and offer her choice of them. Offer her a pot of yogart for her dessert or some ice cream. She sounds hard work tbh.

@lboogy if you're not willing to scroll for updates don't bother contributing to threads with a lot of posts

RTFT - THEY ARE NOT COMING

Annoying, but unless she has difficult allergies, it sounds like a spot of OCD which actually lies in the mental health spectrum and isn't very nice to be experiencing because of the compulsive nature. Surely the person here who should be sorting it is "the friend". It's their responsibility to enable both guest and hosts to come together in the most amenable way if their partner has unusual requirements.

Not reading the full thread should be against Talk guidelines.

Wow, how insulting. I would get a supermarket ready meal. Something from Sainsbury’s taste the difference range or Tesco Finest maybe and include a starter and pud if that’s what you’re cooking - they usually have good deals on two and three courses from ready meal ranges? I know it’s a faff but if this is a good friend, you may want to give the girl a chance on the first meeting and make her feel welcome. Then prod around why she has this problem. If it’s not allergy related and just a hygiene fear or something, and you give it a chance, it may resolve itself once you get to know each other better. Good luck.

Read the thread!!!!!!!!

I think that they had no intention of coming, or at least not the partner. It was probably, "Oh, flippin' heck, Eric, what did you want to go and say we were going to dinner with them for? Make an excuse!" So Eric says to OP's dh to get a takeaway or ready meal so that the OP is not put to any trouble and expense for nothing, Eric knowing full well that they are going to cancel at the last minute.

@ IrmaFayLear. ‘Why don't posters read the OP's updates FFS?
@Ginfordinner because those of us using the app can't see the updates without scrolling and scrolling and scrolling looking for the op highlighted in green‘.

This.

You’re right though. Now I’ve updated myself I would agree with you - never had any intention of coming.

I know they're not coming but for people saying she's rude - food phobias are a real thing. I used to suffer from them when I was younger. I was an extremely picky eater and there were a lot of things I didn't like. I was always anxious about eating at other people's houses in case they served something I didn't like, and I felt stupid and embarrassed for being so picky so I just avoided going for dinner with people. I also had a phobia of vomiting, so worrying that people would serve me something that I didn't like and would make me feel sick made the problem worse. Takeaways were ok as I could look at the menu beforehand and order something that I knew I liked.

Irrational yes, but phobias are irrational.

I got over it thankfully but it was really limiting for a while.

Of course she might just be rude but I can understand if she has food issues.