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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/02/2020 09:24

So they were clearly going to cancel on the day then with her being “ill”. Well done for cancelling now.

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/02/2020 09:26

Maybe it's pregnancy anxiety about what she can eat then? Although the takeaway wouldn't make sense really 🤔

motherheroic · 12/02/2020 09:29

Honestly there are some people's houses that I just don't eat at. Usually the ones where I see the cat is allowed to walk all over the counters and kitchen table. Not saying this is the case there, but I can understand why she would rather a takeaway and that be the end of it rather than worrying.

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Original poster
AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2020 09:30

Takeaway was the last thing I wanted when I was pregnant because I had crippling heartburn. Maybe they weren’t planning to come at all, or he accepted and she wasn’t happy he had. I don’t know if she was pregnant when we made the date, it was several weeks ago and they haven’t been together that long, don’t live together.

Oh well. Time will tell.

OP posts:
sueelleker · 12/02/2020 09:30

So they would have been quite happy for you to go to all the trouble (and expense) of buying and preparing a meal; only for them to decide at the last minute not to turn up?

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/02/2020 09:37

Lovely welcoming response to their cancellation there; will you be my friend?

Butterymuffin · 12/02/2020 09:39

they’ll decide on the day if they can come

Ah, he's one of those. Expects people to always work around him. You've dodged a bullet.

redcarbluecar · 12/02/2020 09:39

@Sue, to be fair, if I read right, the friend’s original suggestion was takeaway or a ready meal so at no point was there the expectation of home cooked food. However it sounds like a relief that it’s cancelled- perhaps even a lucky escape- who knows?

Nothing2doooooo · 12/02/2020 09:42

They don't sound too considerate imo....or they aren't aware they're coming off inconsiderate and are just absent-minded about being thoughtful.

It's okay if one has quirks about food, etc but the nonchalant way he said it and suggested alternatives seemed like he expected it without considering if you could or not.

Secondly, it's understandable of course that she's pregnant and ill but the way he's cancelled (or left you hanging before you cancelled) also seems like someone who hasnt thought of you - were they going to let you know about this beforehand if you hadn't sent a text? Or were they going to spring it on you on that day?

I would be making evry plans clear from now on, don't let them take you for a mug (whether they mean to or not). They don't come across like they consider others (again, it may not be intentional on their part but still....)

BrightYellowDaffodil · 12/02/2020 09:49

Ah, he's one of those. Expects people to always work around him. You've dodged a bullet.

I completely agree. I have a few people who I simply don’t bother inviting over for dinner any more because I've learned the hard way that their flakiness is going to leave me with a lot of food that has to be used up quickly, or thrown away if it can’t be stored/frozen. I always suggest going out, with these sorts.

Clymene · 12/02/2020 09:52

They'll decide on the day?! Shock blimey you've dodged a bullet there

Nothing2doooooo · 12/02/2020 09:56

I actually wouldn't invite them to the house or take up any invitations from them to theirs. A neutral meeting place sounds like the best plan to avoid any unnecessary potential whatnot.

Bluntness100 · 12/02/2020 10:01

Oh my, they will decide on the day? What kind of person is so rude? You can't just decide if you want to go to someone's for dinner and over night, on the day, what are you supposed to do, rush out and buy her ready meals when he confirms?

I suspect he wants to say cancel but is bottling it.

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/02/2020 10:07

What an entitled pair. So everyone has to dance to their tune? You’ve had a lucky escape.

ddl1 · 12/02/2020 10:13

Good message from you! It was unreasonable of him to expect to 'decide on the day', unless perhaps you were much closer friends than you seem to be, or relatives. You cannot be expected to just stay in and wait, especially if a meal is involved. But a lot else is now explained. His partner probably has a capricious appetite and is unable to eat certain things because she is pregnant; they couldn't explain before because they didn't want to announce her pregnancy too early; and so he probably wanted to avoid an embarrassing situation where you would go to lots of trouble cooking food that she then would not eat. He put it very clumsily - he sounds quite socially awkward. But your solution sounds excellent!

Lozz22 · 12/02/2020 10:22

Reminds me of my DSIS ex BF. Invited them over for tea one night and told them I'd be cooking a homemade lasagna with salad, chips and garlic bread. He said he would only eat it if the sauce was homemade. Given the fact I was working that morning and needed to do the housework when I finished there was no way I had time and nor did I want to start farting around making up some some béchamel sauce. In the end I tipped a couple of jars of shop brought jars into a mixing bowl (left on side so he could see the remains inside it) and threw the jars into the bin. Cooked my lasagna and told the Nobhead it was definitely homemade sauce so he would eat it. He whinged and moaned through the entire meal, said he was going to get food poisoning because the lasagna was raw and uncooked. It wasn't it was because the dish I had was oval so the rectangular sheets just stuck slightly over the edge and I had no way of covering them in mince and sauce. Even went home and told his dad it was raw and he was getting food poisoning. Needless to say he never ever got invited for another meal ever again. We did a family holiday and went to a nice steak house. He ordered burger without salad but it came with salad on it. We told him to just take the salad out and put at the side of the plate but he kicked up a huge fuss and started shouting and screaming and insisted it was sent back and freshly made from scratch. This meant we had to sit and wait for his meal to come back all the while ours was going cold

MzHz · 12/02/2020 10:25

When I was pg with ds(now 14) I was advised not to eat takeaway because it might cause food poisoning

Maybe advice has changed, but you’ve dodged it anyway.

Your response was absolutely perfect! Well done!

sueelleker · 12/02/2020 10:28

I'd have started eating!

IntermittentParps · 12/02/2020 10:33

Ah, he's one of those. Expects people to always work around him. You've dodged a bullet.
My thoughts exactly.
Your suggestion of lunch out is a good one.

For this dinner my advice would have been don't pander to this shit: breezy message back saying 'OK, well I'm making lasagne/veg curry/whatever for us all; just bring whichever ready meal you want and I'll put it in the oven for her.'

curiousierandcouriser · 12/02/2020 11:01

@Lozz22
He ordered burger without salad but it came with salad on it. We told him to just take the salad out and put at the side of the plate but he kicked up a huge fuss and started shouting and screaming and insisted it was sent back and freshly made from scratch. This meant we had to sit and wait for his meal to come back all the while ours was going cold

Just out of curiosity, why did you all wait for his meal to back come out? I understand waiting until everyone is served to start eating is polite, but surely someone who sends their food back is a different. Why should everyone's meal be cold while his is hot? Shock

Chamomileteaplease · 12/02/2020 11:21

Wow you dodged a bullet there!

Your reply to his text was perfect. If I were you, in a relaxed place like lunch out near them, I would be itching to meet this woman!

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 12/02/2020 12:11

Perhaps he's best kept as an ex - colleague

74NewStreet · 12/02/2020 13:06

Under what circumstances did you get back in touch with this guy, op? If you extended a dinner invitation to someone from your dh’s past (and a work colleague, at that) out of a clear blue sky, he probably doesn’t want to come.
And is expressing that very badly.

Original poster
AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2020 13:25

He got in touch, he’s got a job in the same field he and DH used to work in and moved back to the area after a couple of years away (still not close but much closer). He wanted to get reacquainted, told DH about his job and new gf, DH told him we’d moved and had a baby, put a date in the diary for a proper catch up and to meet her. But either he wasn’t that bothered or she’s not keen. We were happy to have them over but it’s no great loss.

OP posts:
74NewStreet · 12/02/2020 13:38

No, it certainly isn’t. He’s a bit of a weirdo.

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