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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
dorisdog · 11/02/2020 22:24

Why is everyone so gleefully mean and finding ways to make the guest feel awkward. Lots of ppl have odd phobias about food. All you need to do is quiz your friend a bit about what ready meals to buy or ask them to bring some. If it's a good friend why would this be a problem? Just roll with it. If it turns out the new partner is genuinely rude/unpleasant then don't have them round a second time.

Cherrysoup · 11/02/2020 22:25

@PinglePongle seen my post?

Also, my df once visited a kebab shop to do their accounts, a good 20 years ago now. He watched them carve the elephant leg thing and there were maggots inside.

Jaxhog · 11/02/2020 22:25

It seems quite bizarre to be happy to eat take-away food and not home-cooked food. My guess is that it is either some sort of OCD or she is just a CF eater who will only eat exactly what she wants. Either way, you need more info.

I must admit, if it were me, I'd suggest they bring food she can eat for her, and serve everyone else your home-cooked food. No need for everyone else to eat crap.

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General relationships
Original poster
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 22:29

If it's a good friend why would this be a problem?

He’s an old colleague of my husband’s, not a close friend.

OP posts:
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 11/02/2020 22:29

I think yoy just need to call him!

"Hey chap, really looking forward to seeing you guys, was just planning dinner and I remember you saying something about ready meals - please can you be REALLY SPECIFIC so I know what I'm working with? Thanks!"

Then you know. No point in trying to accommodate with e.g. ready meal lasagne if it turns out that isn't a good option either.

Kab30 · 11/02/2020 22:35

Just flipping ask ...get us all out of our misery lol x

user1481840227 · 11/02/2020 22:37

It's clearly not an allergy issue as he would have had to specify what she couldn't eat!
If she's afraid of people poisoning her food then wouldn't it be easy enough for someone to put a bit of poison in her food as they put it on the plate? Or is she going to take it out of the oven herself and make sure it's not tampered with?
If it's a hygiene thing affecting her to the point that she won't eat homecooked food when she knows what house it's coming from then how would she be comfortable eating from takeaways that she might not be familiar with?

It's such a bizarre thing to be so specific that it can only be a ready meal or take away, but not to give any other guidance whatsoever about what kind of food she will eat!

Pixxie7 · 11/02/2020 22:38

I couldn’t change your plans for her this is ridiculous I agree with other posters get her a cheap ready meal for her and enjoy your home cooked meal. Tesco’s do some really cheap ones.

Pinkyyy · 11/02/2020 22:39

You're being much nicer than I would be. How can you not have an issue with other people dictating what you do in your own house?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/02/2020 22:39

I may be way off the mark here, but I wonder if it isn't actually anything to do with hygiene fears and/or OCD.

It could be that she has anorexia (or bulimia) or is just extremely fussy and knows full well that she won't be eating anything at all (or maybe the tiniest bit) - or might be heard afterwards throwing it back up.

Obviously, there's no real difference between OP's home cooking and a takeaway inasmuch as somebody has prepared and cooked the food themselves. A big difference, though, is that it's far easier to say "This tastes a bit off/inedible" or "They've massively overdone the garlic" or make any other complaint to justify not eating it when the person who made it isn't present and made it as part of a business transaction rather than as a favour for a friend. If this were the case, she might even be trying, in her own way, NOT to be impolite - ensuring that the food she criticises and refuses/makes herself bring back up hasn't been made by a present hostess. Just a thought.

Evennow · 11/02/2020 22:41

Agree with Reveal. Ask precisely which brand and dish to buy for her. She may simply be fussy or have an allergy/intolerance/anxiety/other condition. Don’t overthink!

redcarbluecar · 11/02/2020 22:43

Whilst it is an odd-sounding request, it’s better that they tell you in advance rather than her sitting there not eating your lovely food. I wouldn’t get some ultra-cheapo meal just to make a point when you don’t even know what the issue is- it may be something very genuine and a bit embarrassing for her. Ask your friend what ready meal to buy.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/02/2020 22:43

That would also explain the asking YOU to get the ready meal or takeaway - if she'd brought it herself, surely she'd bring something that she'd had before and would know that she was going to like, so would therefore look really odd refusing it.

Russellbrandshair · 11/02/2020 22:47

I wouldn’t even bother asking any more questions. I’d just get a cheap ready meal. He was specific enough to specify it couldn’t be home cooked So I presume if there were any preferences/ dislikes he’d have mentioned it then.

I’d just get a ready meal equivalent of whatever I’m cooking for everyone else. If she doesn’t like it then tough! I did what they asked.

BackforGood · 11/02/2020 22:53

The thing is, we are all speculating.
The only way to know what to do, is to speak to them.
ASK what she can / can't eat. Explain about the lack of takeaways or your finances being tight whilst you are on maternity leave or whatever.
Say that you obviously want her to be comfortable so just need to clarify what it is you can do.

AtrociousCircumstance · 11/02/2020 22:53

It is rude, how he dropped it in as a demand after you’d agreed to host.

He should have tried to explain, offered a list of things she could have, said she’s happy to bring her own if it’s easier etc.

It’s entitled bollocks. Anxiety does not mean you get to control everyone else.

user1481840227 · 11/02/2020 23:00

I doubt it's anything to do with anorexia. Don't people with anorexia have loads of tricks to make it look like they've eaten loads? Surely the last thing that anyone with anorexia would want to do would be to draw attention to themselves by making such a bizarre request!

They would also surely be terrified of the lack of control over what takeaway or ready meal was bought. Even if they just had to swallow a couple of mouthfuls at the time to avoid suspicion then they would presumably still want some kind of control over the type they ate and would find it very difficult to take a couple of bites of something they considered particularly fattening.

Also if you had someone to your home and they had a takeaway or ready meal while the rest had normal food then if they said it tasted a bit off then no host is going to feel comfortable giving them nothing else to eat, they would point out all the other stuff they could eat in the house, not necessarily the homecooked meal, but things that were still wrapped up in packets, or fruit or veg or so on!

user1481840227 · 11/02/2020 23:01

Well not vegetables lol

Fruitbatdancer · 11/02/2020 23:04

This thread is a revelation!

I would be inclined to buy some foil containers Cook a fabulous curry sides and rice and serve it in there pretending it's a ready meal. But then I probably have led a sheltered life and have not come across this bonkers type of visitor before!

EstebanTheMagnificent · 11/02/2020 23:13

Perhaps the man's parents are ghastly cooks, and in desperation this poor woman has blurted out that she can only eat ready meals and takeaways rather than endure another meal cooked by her PILs. The relationship has lasted longer than she expected, she is stuck with the lie for as long as she remains with him, and he keeps thinking that he is being thoughtful by contacting their hosts in advance to warn them about her problem...

SewItGoes · 11/02/2020 23:38

I have sympathy for people with mental health problems, but the friend should've been clearer about what the issue is, because otherwise it just comes across as weird and demanding (and makes it harder for OP to know exactly what they're expecting in the way of food).

Geneshish · 11/02/2020 23:41

Oh what a fuss over nothing. Just message and say 'great, I'll get a ready made oven lasagne from X supermarket and serve it up with some garlic bread and salad. Maybe some X brand cheesecake for after. Does that sound ok?' Then put out some nibbles and she can just not eat them if she doesn't want to. Job done. Drink wine and put feet up.

saraclara · 11/02/2020 23:42

I've come back to this thread, only to find even more people being totally shitty and mean, having not bothered to read the OP properly, and having completely made stuff up. They know nothing about this woman, but apparently she's rude, demanding and a weird bitch, even though she's not had a speaking part or even been seen by the OP.

This is a shameful thread. It really is. Only the OP and a few others come out well. The rest of you are just horrible.

JingsMahBucket · 11/02/2020 23:43

@AnneLovesGilbert in all these 15 pages, I don’t think you’ve mentioned that you or your husband have actually responded to the male guest to ask for clarification? Have you and we’ve missed or what? That’s the easiest way to solve this problem.

Smidge001 · 11/02/2020 23:43

I need to know more info OP! You have to ask him again what it is that she can or can't eat. We need clarity!

When are they coming? How long do I need to watch this thread for in order to find out Grin