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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:

redcarbluecar · 11/02/2020 21:30

Not sure how much of a drama this needs to be. Some people do have issues around eating. I wouldn’t just guess though. Ask your friend what type of ready meal to buy and then buy that.

Giraffey1 · 11/02/2020 21:33

I’d tell her you are very sorry but aren’t able to provide takeaways, and that while she is welcome to come, she needs to bring something she is happy to eat,
However, I don’t get this at all, surely a takeaway is just someone else’s home made?

HouseOfCrayCray · 11/02/2020 21:42

I wouldn't get the supermarket pizza because she'll probably have an issue with you cooking it in your oven lol

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SummersMahoosiveClipOnFringe · 11/02/2020 21:42

Ask them to bring the take-away with them.

Nanalisa60 · 11/02/2020 21:45

It would be much happier eating your homemade food the so dodgy takeaways food, aren’t some people weird!!

B0bbin · 11/02/2020 21:45

I hope OP keeps us updated as I'm finding this really interesting!

SpaceDinosaur · 11/02/2020 21:46

@annelovesgilbert the cringe is there and real but it is NOT your cringe to have. The request is bloody cringeworthy so she can bloody lump it.

Do NOT compromise your meal for her. Buy a ready meal equivalent FFS and let her cringe.

Don't buy a takeaway because

it's clearly not an allergy if she'll eat "a takeaway" because he would have been specific.
your don't bloody want one
it's too damned expensive

Make a gorgeous home made lasagne with loads of crunchy garlic bread or rosemary focaccia and a big bowl of salad.

Microwave her an Iceland lasagne, place a box of ready prepared salad on the table for her.

There are literally hundreds of options where you can eat similar meals and still pander to her wants.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 11/02/2020 21:47

Well you would probably spend the same on ingredients for a homemade dinner for 4 adults, as you would paying for your half of the takeaway.

Boireannachlaidir · 11/02/2020 21:47

I'm sorry but that's extremely rude of your DPs friend to dictate to you like that. I'd tell them to bring their own ready meals that you'll heat up. You're not being a shit host by doing that. They're being shit guests. Please don't pander to this sort of crap.

If money is tight for you, please don't buy yourself over priced ready meals either just to make it seem better for your guests. You love cooking so cook.

Russellbrandshair · 11/02/2020 21:53

*Make a gorgeous home made lasagne with loads of crunchy garlic bread or rosemary focaccia and a big bowl of salad.

Microwave her an Iceland lasagne, place a box of ready prepared salad on the table for her.*

This is what I’d do and if she feels awkward then tough, you’ve done exactly what she asked for. I certainly wouldnt be spending £££ on a takeaway and for him to suggest something so costly when you’ve got a new baby and are on a budget is cheeky AF.

HollowTalk · 11/02/2020 21:54

I think you should cook a normal meal and give her a ready meal. She sounds very strange. If she's got an eating disorder and needs to know the calories etc then a takeaway is the last thing she would want to eat, surely?

BrightYellowDaffodil · 11/02/2020 21:56

I'm sorry but that's extremely rude of your DPs friend to dictate to you like that.

I agree. It's one thing to have special dietary needs for what ever reason (not only do I often cook meals for friends/family who are vegan, coeliac or pregnant but I also organise events for which we have to cover allergies etc) but the polite thing to do in that situation is for the person who has the dietary needs to at least offer to bring their own food. And absolutely, definitely not to expect that everyone would eat ready meals because that's what they want to eat and they don't want to feel left out/awkward/even be around food they don't like.

Original poster

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 21:57

I wouldn't get the supermarket pizza because she'll probably have an issue with you cooking it in your oven lol

Now the oven is actually spotless at the moment! You could eat directly out of it perfectly safely. DH got lured by the fuss about The Pink Stuff and it’s as good as new. The hob needs a going over but they don’t know that and it’ll be gleaming in plenty of time

OP posts:

PinglePongle · 11/02/2020 22:02

I have a phobia of eating at other peoples houses as I worry about hygiene but would be ok with a takeaway as it would have a hygiene certificate so maybe it's this

princessTiasmum · 11/02/2020 22:02

I know someone like this they have aspbergers, could this be the reason
Very fussy eater even then

Notnownotneverever · 11/02/2020 22:03

People are human and have querks. Just roll with it. I would ask for their tastes (as I would anyone coming for dinner) like pasta, or chinese or whatever. Then buy a large ready meal accordingly. I would however suggest they bring pudding to keep your costs down. That seems far since they are increasing your costs by needing ready prepared foods.

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 22:03

Incredibly naive of you, PinglePongle

TalaxuArmiuna · 11/02/2020 22:04

I would buy a ready meal that's not too dissimilar from what I cook for everyone else. there's lots of pretty nice ready meals in places like waitrose at the moment because of valentine's day coming up. you do your interesting and delicious home made thing and bung hers in the oven too (they can usually be oven cooked in the absence of a microwave)

eg coq au vin maybe?

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 11/02/2020 22:06

One of DS friends has autism and is like this.

I just cook as normal and ask him what he’d like to have, showing my cupboards and fridge. He usually has pot noodle or dry toast.

I try not to make a big deal out of it.

People are different, and it would be nice for your friend if you could be cool about it

GoldenMarigolds · 11/02/2020 22:10

Oh get a life and cancel it. I notice the male partner is doing all the suggesting here re foods for his picky DP. Nope.

Francina670 · 11/02/2020 22:11

People have all kinds of anxieties around food that don’t make any logical sense. I’d ask if she’d like to bring her own meal and you’ll cook for everyone else. My dp has done this a couple of times and is not offended in the least. If you have anxieties then really it’s just a relief to have a meal you can eat and concerns about the comparative quality of the food etc are totally irrelevant.

Ginfordinner · 11/02/2020 22:15

I would just ask your friend what his new partner likes, get her a ready meal and make a something home made for the rest of you. If it was something like a lasagne ready meal I would probably make a lasagne as well. If she was exceptionally fussy, I would get her something that she has specifically requested and just make whatever I fancied for the rest of you.

I refuse to let someone's food issues spoil a meal for everyone else.

MargotB7 · 11/02/2020 22:19

Has she watched too many Come Dine With Me or Dinner Date episodes because some of the slop they serve is disgusting and she may not be used to dinner parties.
Some people have a phobia about what they eat, it is often due to mental health though. It is odd she will still have a takeaway unless she regularly eats from there.

Dieu · 11/02/2020 22:21

Bloody weirdo
Kick her out and invite me over, OP. Your lovely food and hospitality will not go to waste, and in fact will be very gratefully received

1300cakes · 11/02/2020 22:21

Yes it's bloody weird but you are being a bit disingenuous with the hand wringing about it. It's too expensive - ready meals cost £2, less than cooking a dinner party style meal. It's too much trouble - presumably you have to shop for ingredients anyway. And the silliest, you don't eat ready meals so you "just don't know what to do" - well I don't eat ready meals either but it's hardly rocket science is it, simply select an oven reheatable meal from your local supermarket and follow instructions on the box.

Just go along with it, now you have a funny story to tell at your next dinner party.

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