Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

It's making me a bit sad reading this thread tbh. I don't understand why going out your way to cook vegan/gluten free is fine. But going out your way to buy a ready meal for someone with an eating disorder/OCD/mental health problem is so hard

If someone says they’re vegan/gluten free everyone knows where they stand. But OP doesn’t know why this woman won’t eat her food - she may not have an ED, she may just be fussy.

It’s quite a rude request given that there’s no explanation.

If it were me I’d just be straight up and say I have an ED and will bring my own food.

And op mightn’t want a bloody ready meal.

I don't think buying her a ready meal is difficult but the suggestion from the friend seemed to be that everyone had to eat the same. That is unreasonable.

Bonkers

I don't think someone should have to disclose their mental health condition just to receive a bit of accommodation.

I would have thought in this day and age people would be a little more sympathetic.

You think requesting a ready meal with no explanation is ok?

I'd recontact him and clarify that you will be cooking the meal and providing a ready meal for one for her. See what he says.

DS2 had a gf who was pescatarian. I still served turkey & trimmings for Thanksgiving. He grilled her some salmon.

No, it’s not difficult to buy a ready meal but I’m assuming he’s assuming we’ll all be eating the same thing (or share a takeaway) and DH and I don’t ever have them apart from freezer pizza every now and then, we don’t have a microwave so I doubt it would be quicker than normal cooking for us. It’s good to do new things, I’ll have so much free time I’ll have a nap before they arrive instead of slaving over a hot stove

A lot of people have suggested cooking and getting her a separate dish but I just can’t picture that without cringing and I think it’ll be easier to get some stuff in we can all have.

I have various allergies (anaphylactic shock type reactions) and in the past I have taken a Ready meal to a group gathering at friends house when we were all having takeout as I was going through a really bad spell of reacting and didn't want to risk a takeaway. I explained in advance, paid for it myself and nuked it myself at her house. . Everyone understood. She could have had a really bad experience with food poisoning at someone's house. I do find it a little odd that she will eat a takeaway but why don't you just get to know her first. It could be severe emetophbia and at least he told you in advance.

He sounds a right charmer, assuming you’ll all be eating the same thing. He really can’t dictate what your family eat in their own home.
Just tell him what the rest of you will be eating.
Don’t ask, tell

you could get something from Cook, as ready-meals go they're ok.

Or you could cook what you planned the day before, and reheat it on the day - so it actually is a "ready meal"

Crikey. People do get excited and indignant without knowing the full story!

OP sounds lovely. I think this is a communication issue.

@AnneLovesGilbert you just need more info as you don't how to cater to this (obviously welcome) guest accompanying your good friend. Can you contact him again, and get a bit more clarity? Maybe suggest a couple of ideas (like pizza night etc). Then you'll feel more prepared and everything will be easier.

I hope you all have a lovely evening.

I'm with @jux , go with the pombears

One of my in laws never eats or uses the bathroom at our house. I believe it’s anxiety related.

Yes op to clarify I also think you sound lovely!!

You could get a Chinese or Indian take away type thing from Tesco? You will be able to do it all in the oven.

Or maybe pizza, wedges, salad, coleslaw, you could get some nice antipasto type things. She can either eat it or not.

Just appreciate something easy.

If you're anywhere near a lidl I've often seen very reasonable frozen "takeaway" type things.

No, he isn't lovely. His behaviour towards you is far from lovely. He accepted your invitation and THEN made his demands. And it was a demand. He did not ask, he did not explain a difficulty, he did not offer to bring something suitable with them - he backed you into a corner and demanded that you provide a takeaway/readymeal. Not lovely in the slightest

Agree. They both sound entitled and rude.

I actually think in a way he could be a great dp - I think it’s nice he wants to look after her and maybe she asked him to promise not to explain why

@annemeetsgilbert Could you buy a ready meal version of whatever you are planning to make for her and cook the same for everyone else?

Put it this way, I wouldn’t tell anyone invited to my house when my ocd family member was here why they are the only one eating a ready meal and would eat biscuits out of a packet but nothing else

Talk to the friend!

Strangers on the internet can give you suggestions until they're blue in the face but there's only one way you'll actually know whether or not something will be ok - by asking. If you knew someone had allergies you wouldn't just guess which ones they have you'd ask, treat this in the same way - as a dietary requirement. Either you or your dp give his friend a call and just casually ask about it - say you're planning what to buy and just want to check you get something she can eat. Is she ok with all ready meals or does she have any allergies or particular requirements? Say you're thinking of xyz, would that be ok?

Why don’t you just contact him and ask why eg is it a hygiene thing? If so, then bit odd. My DH once had cause to go in the kitchen of a ‘high end’ take away near us. There were frozen chickens defrosting in hot water in the sink. Hmm, hygienic!

It would help you prepare if you knew more.

In my culture, we are told often not to eat much at other people's houses due to black magic etc lol. I've never followed it but some people get very very paranoid lol!

I wouldn't invite them for dinner. If your not willing to eat my food then your no getting an invite for tea.