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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
georgialondon · 11/02/2020 20:35

I'd go with fresh supermarket pizzas, olives breadsticks etc.

Lilymossflower · 11/02/2020 20:35

Yeah she might be being rude

Or she might get have allergy as someone said...

OR she night have autism or a similar condition that affects sensory processing and might actually be genuinely unable to eat unfamiliar or unexpected food

If that's the case then she's not being unreasonable at all.

In fact many mental health conditions can affect ones relationship with food, some people are unable to eat certain foods due to certain foods being related to trauma, there's many reasons why for some people, knowing what food to expect can be really important

Of course it's also possible she is just picky or rude or something... No one can really know why
If a takeaway is too expensive for you which would be totally valid then you could ask her to bring a dish and then you make a dish and then you all have some of whatever you want

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 20:37

Well, allergies and traumas relating to certain foods are ruled out when she’s requested a takeaway or ready meal, fgs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
TatianaLarina · 11/02/2020 20:38

@DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon

Your friend has an ED - ARFID - avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder.

It’s not about ‘textures’ - the texture of frozen food is grim.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/02/2020 20:39

If you serve home cooked to everyone else, and a ready meal to her, I can imagine it might get very uncomfortable. She might get very annoyed or offended that you've singled her out and made her the odd one.
She has made herself the odd one out by not eating home made food. I would object to someone else telling me I had to eat take away or a ready meal in my own home. We never eat like that, I always cook from scratch and would rather cancel the whole thing. I would give her a supermarket ready meal and cook for everyone else but if I went to her house I would eat whatever she offered.

rosegoldwatcher · 11/02/2020 20:39

Jeez - I can't believe what meanies some posters are!

I have a friend who will eat anything but has ultra sensitive skin; an intolerance to feathers and biological washing powder.
When she comes to stay I use the polyester pillows on her bed (don't like them myself and bought them specially the first time she came) and wash the spare bed linen in Fairy non-bio.
It's called being a considerate host!

The OP doesn't know the whys and wherefores of her guest's food peculiarities. But she can't assume (as some of you do) that the woman is just being a CF!
Inclusion people!!!

septsapp · 11/02/2020 20:40

This has just made me laugh out loud ! It sounds absolutely bonkers but this was me in my pregnancy ! I suddenly got this absolute obsession about food at my partners house ! I think it was from his kids feeding the dog out of dinner bowls and it sent me insane from then on , I could only eat microwave meals out of the plastic and I had to wash the fork up myself and I could only drink bottled drinks I'd taken with me ! I obviously didn't admit this in front of teenagers as they would never have let me live it down . I had to wait until they had gone upstairs lol ,but it was a real real phobia ! I cooked them all dinner sometimes and then ate a crap micro mac cheese 🤮I was fine in my own house and eating out still though but it literally send panic up me inside to a serious degree !

AlexaAmbidextra · 11/02/2020 20:42

In this case it is food poisoning related anxiety, plus fear of unknown food plus need to have known thing to eat.

How can it be either of these if she’s willing to eat an unspecified takeaway?

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/02/2020 20:42

I will go out of my way to cater for allergies, vegans, vegetarians or fuss pots who tell me what to avoid but this woman is refusing to eat anything the OP cooks.

VenusTiger · 11/02/2020 20:43

Sounds like OCD to me and a cleanliness issue. Dont make a fuss PPs - @AnneLovesGilbert can you ask the friend to bring a takeaway with them for all of you and you'll go halves?
Buy a trifle or something for pud.

Iambloodystarving · 11/02/2020 20:44

By Jove I think I've got it!

BUY takeout containers, put your delicious home cooked food in said containers. Then, all of that goes into a take away plastic bag, see where I am going with this? Be sure they see you OPEN the containers and heat up the food.
Problem solved. You are welcome!

dementedma · 11/02/2020 20:44

Some fucking horrible comments on this thread. My understanding is that the suggestion was made for a takeaway OR a ready meal. Ready meals cost a couple of quid and are easy to heat up and serve. Not rude, not overly demanding on the host. Clearly a guest with mental health issues of some kind.
But yeah, she’s a rude bitch who should go hungry or be offered baby food.

whimbrel · 11/02/2020 20:45

*Dolorabelle
'But this prospective guest will eat a takeaway. I suspect that someone with crippling anxiety, OCD or concerns about what’s in food would be even less happy with a takeaway than food cooked by friends.' *
The thing is with OCD and anxiety is that it's not rational. They will have their own rules about it that will make no sense to any one themselves. You can't 'suspect' anything.

whimbrel · 11/02/2020 20:45

*but

septsapp · 11/02/2020 20:46

This has just made me laugh out loud ! It sounds absolutely bonkers but this was me in my pregnancy ! I suddenly got this absolute obsession about food at my partners house ! I think it was from his kids feeding the dog out of dinner bowls and it sent me insane from then on , I could only eat microwave meals out of the plastic and I had to wash the fork up myself and I could only drink bottled drinks I'd taken with me ! I obviously didn't admit this in front of teenagers as they would never have let me live it down . I had to wait until they had gone upstairs lol ,but it was a real real phobia ! I cooked them all dinner sometimes and then ate a crap micro mac cheese 🤮I was fine in my own house and eating out still though but it literally send panic up me inside to a serious degree !
I think If I was in this situation I'd probably say I'll bring something with me and explain when I got there that it wasn't personal , but yeah like someone else said just text the friend and ask if a m n s lasagne / chicken pasta etc is ok and ask when she gets there check if it's ok to pop on the plate or does she want it left in the pack maybe ?
Please come back and let us know if she is bonkers like me lol it will be nice to know I wasn't the only one haha

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/02/2020 20:47

"He’s lovely, he’s an old colleague of DH who he’s back in touch with and we’re looking forward to seeing them. We set up a date and he straight away said “really looking forward to dinner with you guys, meeting the baby, DP doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses but a takeaway or ready meals would be fine”. I was so taken aback I just said “oh yes, of course, that’s great” Shock Like a muppet."

No, he isn't lovely. His behaviour towards you is far from lovely. He accepted your invitation and THEN made his demands. And it was a demand. He did not ask, he did not explain a difficulty, he did not offer to bring something suitable with them - he backed you into a corner and demanded that you provide a takeaway/readymeal. Not lovely in the slightest.

Phone him back, explain the more you think about the meal the more confused you are and could he bring a readymeal/takeaway acceptable to her with them and you will heat it up for her?

And eat your own homemade food. Whatever her issues, it doesn't dictate what anyone else can eat.

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2020 20:50

Personally I'd text him and say which kind of ready meal does she prefer, and would she like any sides with it. And then say we are all having x (steak and chips or whatever) . If you're doing starters ask if she'd have s prepared something ljke prawn cocktail from Marks and Sparks, and I'd then cook properly for you guys and him.

She can say she only eats take away or ready meals, she can't dictate everyone else does.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/02/2020 20:51

And eat your own homemade food. Whatever her issues, it doesn't dictate what anyone else can eat.
This.

AnneTwackie · 11/02/2020 20:52

When are they visiting? I’m really looking forward to it!

AnneTwackie · 11/02/2020 20:52

Cheeseboard?

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 11/02/2020 20:52

@TatianaLarina yes they probably do have an eating disorder. They've always said it's about textures but obviously I am not a professional.

They've had it since they were very young, seen many Drs about it, and about their weight as a child etc.

It's making me a bit sad reading this thread tbh. I don't understand why going out your way to cook vegan/gluten free is fine. But going out your way to buy a ready meal for someone with an eating disorder/OCD/mental health problem is so hard.

TatianaLarina · 11/02/2020 20:52

I’d ask him more details about her specific food issues. Just ask straight out if she has an ED and can he be more specific about the kinds of things she will and won’t eat.

You don’t want to waste money on something she doesn’t touch.

TatianaLarina · 11/02/2020 20:53

That was to OP ^^

JosefKeller · 11/02/2020 20:54

Ready meals cost a couple of quid and are easy to heat up and serve. Not rude, not overly demanding on the host.

of course it's rude! And decent ready meals cost a lot more than a couple of quids.

If you want to eat a ready meal, you bring your own ready meal - even make up some allergy story if you have to. You don't TELL the host to buy you one.

You chose your food when you pay your meal at a restaurant, not when you accept a diner invitation...

saraclara · 11/02/2020 20:54

I don't understand why going out your way to cook vegan/gluten free is fine. But going out your way to buy a ready meal for someone with an eating disorder/OCD/mental health problem is so hard.

Nor me. I'm so glad that I don't have issues like this. Clearly most people are entirely unsympathetic to mental health problems like this.