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Original poster

I can't shake the ick. Does it always end in divorce?

408 replies

Lhia29 · 07/02/2020 21:55

I don't want to dripfeed but I also don't want to say anything too outing. But the key details are that we've been together 5 years. Have 2dc (one from my previous relationship). Lived together 4years.

We've been having issues which are now almost completely settled. However for the last year ive felt increasingly unattracted to H. I can't pinpoint why but I doubt our issues helped. I was forcing myself to have sex once or twice a week. But I just can't anymore. It's physical repulsion now. Like kissing a relative. Things weren't massively well and we almost split this year but decided to work on things and it's been going well objectively.

But I have this gut feeling that something vital died this year. I've scoured Google for similar stories and it's such a mixed bag. Did anyone stay for the DCs? Did anyone wait to see if it got better? Did anyone leave and it actually be the best thing for both parties? Sex makes h feel loved and I know hes feeling rejected. But I also can't force myself to do it anymore. I feel so dirty and detached after. Sorry, that's a total ramble!

OP posts:
YasssKween · 13/02/2020 12:59

Thinking of you today OP Thanks

candycane222 · 13/02/2020 13:33

And me

frazzledasarock · 13/02/2020 14:13

Perhaps also call womens aid.

I wouldn’t worry about him and where he goes, make your own safety your priority.

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 14:14

Womens aid don't seem to have a number anymore. The site just has an online chat assistant. I'll keep looking but I can't find it.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 13/02/2020 15:27

National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247

Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 15:43

Thank you.

He's leaving to stay with his younger brother tonight. I said I'd call the police otherwise. He's saying he's entitled to some money from our Universal Credit payment that just came through. I politely told him to go fuck himself no.

OP posts:
YasssKween · 13/02/2020 15:48

Well done OP I know I don't know you but I'm proud of how you've dealt with this! Thanks

NeptuneNessa · 13/02/2020 15:50

Hope your visit with a friend helped you. Did you call the police?

What a horrible situation op, it won't always be like this, you'll be free of him down the line and you can begin your new life. You deserve to be happy. 💐💐💐

PickAChew · 13/02/2020 17:07

I know that creepy feeling all too well. When I'd emotionally detached and gone all grey rock on exH and his bullshit he got weirdly intense. He cornered me, at one point and gave me a weird speech that was the biggest dump of his paranoia and bullshit (re-writing science level bullshit as well as his lame attempt at emotional manipulation) I'd ever witnessed and that was the point I became frightened of him.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 20:54

HE'S LEFT THE BUILDING!!! Wine Cake

I dropped him off there. With his stupid gaming computer. He cradled it the whole way there, like a baby. My eldest is upset he's "staying elsewhere for work" (ill break it to him this week) but we'll be OK. He has his bio dad and lots of good role models in my family. I truly believe he'll be OK.

And I'm free. My house is my own again. I have his keys. It's done. I haven't felt this proud of myself in years. It's one of the hardest thing I've had to force myself to do but it's blissful. Thank you so much to everyone who posted. I genuinely think it would've taken me another 6 months to a year to disentangle myself from H and the low key EA that was going on.

OP posts:
longtimelurkerhelen · 13/02/2020 21:11

Flowers and breathe

So pleased you can relax and get some sleep.

koko

Starksforthewin · 13/02/2020 21:32

FANTASTIC!! Whoop whoop!

So thrilled and delighted for you. Very well done, you are a great example to many of the other women on this site suffering in similar situations.

Enjoy your freedom, your peace. Of course, there will be challenges ahead but you will come through them. Your body is your own. Your home is your own. I couldn’t be happier for you.

FantasticButtocks · 13/02/2020 21:37

Bravo! WineCakeWineCakeWineThanks

KellyHall · 13/02/2020 21:39

Yeah! Well done 🎉

TypingoftheDead · 13/02/2020 21:43

Congratulations - I don't even know you and I'm proud you got it done!

Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 21:44

Thank you Smile I'm watching some total shite on TV and having a glass of wine. Its the type of shite I'm usually made to feel bad for watching so I'm relishing it!

I know it won't all be easy from here out but I never have to sleep with him again, fight for him to spend time with me and the DCs or endure the micro aggressions in my home, which should be a safe space.

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 13/02/2020 23:08

The bit where Eowyn sticks a foot of metal in the Witch King's face? That's you OP.

JingsMahBucket · 14/02/2020 00:20

Woohooo!!! I’m so happy for you! So glad he’s out, @Lhia29. Is all of his stuff gone or did he take just a bag and his computer? :)

Original poster
Lhia29 · 14/02/2020 05:20

All the important stuff. I've bin-bagged up his other crap and put it out of sight.

Disgrace I love that scene Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Lhia29 · 14/02/2020 08:40

This has been our first morning "alone" as well as me being off for half term. It feels like a weight has been lifted because I'm usually walking around doing everything in a mad rush and H is in bed til the last minute. I usually go to work or go out with the boys with this horrible nauseating resentment boiling away on the inside that I have to work hard on to ignore and get past. I didn't even realise how bad it was until this morning. I'm knackered from this last week yet I still feel fresher and happier than I have for what feels like the last 1,000 mornings. I'll probably stop posting now because I don't want to drag it on but thank you Flowers

OP posts:
ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/02/2020 09:41

You're fucking amazing op. You brilliant, brave woman. StarFlowersWine

RumblesGrumbles · 14/02/2020 09:48

Wonderful. So happy for you.

NeptuneNessa · 14/02/2020 11:48

Fantastic! All the very best to you and your children for your new, happy, future. 👏🏻👏🏻💐 x

something2say · 14/02/2020 12:19

Happy for you. I've been there too, the freshness and excitement and peace of mind at last, after not knowing and/or trying for so long. When all is said and done its a new life from now on.

I used to work with women fleeing DV and I saw this a million times. It DOES get better.

Daftapath · 14/02/2020 12:22

Well done OP. You have got him out. Now to keep him out. There may be some resistance to come but you sound strong and determined now.

Good luck