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Original poster

I can't shake the ick. Does it always end in divorce?

408 replies

Lhia29 · 07/02/2020 21:55

I don't want to dripfeed but I also don't want to say anything too outing. But the key details are that we've been together 5 years. Have 2dc (one from my previous relationship). Lived together 4years.

We've been having issues which are now almost completely settled. However for the last year ive felt increasingly unattracted to H. I can't pinpoint why but I doubt our issues helped. I was forcing myself to have sex once or twice a week. But I just can't anymore. It's physical repulsion now. Like kissing a relative. Things weren't massively well and we almost split this year but decided to work on things and it's been going well objectively.

But I have this gut feeling that something vital died this year. I've scoured Google for similar stories and it's such a mixed bag. Did anyone stay for the DCs? Did anyone wait to see if it got better? Did anyone leave and it actually be the best thing for both parties? Sex makes h feel loved and I know hes feeling rejected. But I also can't force myself to do it anymore. I feel so dirty and detached after. Sorry, that's a total ramble!

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 21:15

I just said I can't do this anymore and he needs to be out. I'm sorry. And that I won't interfere with him seeing the boys. I just need my space. I didn't mention its because he's not respecting my physical boundaries.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 21:19

He's home. I'm locked in the bathroom faking a shower. I heard him accidently creaking a floorboard outside so I know he's right outside. He'll want to talk or whatever. He knows I'm hiding essentialy.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 21:23

The shower is off. I think I can still hear him. I don't think he'll hit me but it'll be horrible regardless.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 21:24

I need to leave the bathroom. This is ridiculous.

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Morporkia · 12/02/2020 21:26

Stick to your guns and know that we are all behind you. If he gets aggressive phone the police immediately xxx

Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 21:26

Oh thank god. I opened the door and he was just creeping down the stairs with his pillows.

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FantasticButtocks · 12/02/2020 21:27

Can you phone someone and be talking on the phone as you leave the bathroom? To kind of get a bit of time to get where you want to be before talks start

BamboozledandBefuddled · 12/02/2020 21:27

Can you phone anyone to come and be with you sweetheart? I hate what you're going through.

FantasticButtocks · 12/02/2020 21:27

Oh good

mnthrowaway202020 · 12/02/2020 21:28

If you‘re in danger contact the police, you’re clearly scared if you’ve barricaded yourself in the bathroom.

Text your friends and explain there might be a heated confrontation/he’s angry, they may be able to be backup support again

Text him and say you don’t want an argument/discussion so he needs to move away from the door and leave you alone tonight

BamboozledandBefuddled · 12/02/2020 21:29

Thank fuck for that. Maybe the text was just testing boundaries.

TorkTorkBam · 12/02/2020 21:58

He realised you weren't going to talk and he slunk off. Good.

TorkTorkBam · 12/02/2020 22:01

He is testing the water to see if you are ready to back down like normal yet.

I predict a period where he tests and slinks away repeatedly until he snaps at how bloody long it is taking for you to get back in your box and stfu. When he snaps at how unreasonable you've become that's your danger point

Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 22:07

No that's it. I'm calling the police tomorrow to explain what's happened and say that he needs to leave. They don't have an order but I think just them visiting would scare the shit out him.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 12/02/2020 22:15

That was horrible. Nothing happened per se but it was just weird.

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YasssKween · 12/02/2020 22:53

You poor thing, I know exactly what you mean it's so unnerving. I think that's the best word when they're like this and you feel like a coiled spring with that dread feeling in your stomach. Unnerving. You're doing the right thing asking for police support tomorrow. You don't feel safe in your home and you need to feel safe to keep your little ones safe. You're doing so well Thanks

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/02/2020 08:14

Hope you're ok this morning op.

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 08:44

How did last night go OP? Thanks

Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 09:06

Thank you. I barely slept a wink. I was just paranoid he'd come in and tightly wound from the day before.

The boys are both at school and nursery so I'm going to call 101 for advice and to update. I'm hoping someone will agree to come speak to him because I know he'd crap himself. He respects authority etc.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 09:10

I asked him before he left for work if he'd stood outside the bathroom for ages. He said he just came up to see if he could talk to me then saw I was in there and left. There's a chance that's true and I was just hyper alert to every noise. I heard him come up but I never heard him leave. I'll mention it to the police and just say I can't say for sure he was there the whole time but I was scared and he's starting to scare me and affect my mental health. Because that's true. Sleep is so important to me to stay on an even keel like it is most people.

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Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 09:13

He's this weird mix of crying and emotional, guilt tripping, and creepy at the moment. I can't even put my finger on why I felt so scared last night. He hasn't gotten loud or massively aggressive but it's the way he's just refusing to even acknowledge my boundaries and only relenting when it seems like I'm going to stand up to him (ie leave him, kick him out). He's so intense and up in my personal and mental space.

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candycane222 · 13/02/2020 10:13

Ugh OP that sounds horrible. I don't have any practical advice, I just wanted to extend my sympathy to you in this really difficult situation.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 10:16

Thank you. I'm meeting a friend right now who knows everything. She's got little ones too so she's not at work. Handy so H doesn't know I'm meeting her. It'll lift my spirits a bit.

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TorkTorkBam · 13/02/2020 12:34

The sooner he is out of the house the better.

Original poster
Lhia29 · 13/02/2020 12:38

I used the time this morning to stock up. DS is very hard to shop with because of SN so I got 3 weeks worth of nappies, wipes, loo roll and store cupboard food for us. Just to make things easier. I got some sleeping tablets for tonight.

I'm calling the police in a while.

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