I can't shake the ick. Does it always end in divorce?

[Lhia29]

I don't want to dripfeed but I also don't want to say anything too outing. But the key details are that we've been together 5 years. Have 2dc (one from my previous relationship). Lived together 4years.

We've been having issues which are now almost completely settled. However for the last year ive felt increasingly unattracted to H. I can't pinpoint why but I doubt our issues helped. I was forcing myself to have sex once or twice a week. But I just can't anymore. It's physical repulsion now. Like kissing a relative. Things weren't massively well and we almost split this year but decided to work on things and it's been going well objectively.

But I have this gut feeling that something vital died this year. I've scoured Google for similar stories and it's such a mixed bag. Did anyone stay for the DCs? Did anyone wait to see if it got better? Did anyone leave and it actually be the best thing for both parties? Sex makes h feel loved and I know hes feeling rejected. But I also can't force myself to do it anymore. I feel so dirty and detached after. Sorry, that's a total ramble!

I think not locking him out yet is probably the correct decision at the moment. No point antagonising him unless completely necessary

@Lhia29 gotcha. Before I would have been tempted to do it but given what you've just said, I totally get why you'd wait. Keep going, you're getting stronger. :)

Thanks. Yeah it wouldn't be worth the drama and risk of anything happening because he'll be pissed too.

(But a girl can dream)

"When my ex was having an affair, he got the ick towards me. Quite suddenly really but now I know, it coincided with when he fell in love with someone else. "

yes, me too
It was 'hugging the edge of the mattress in order to avoid touching your spouse' stuff
Completely humiliating
I should have protected myself

Two and a half years since he left, I still have so much pleasure each night when I lock and bolt the front door.

I started to do it in order to stop xh letting himself in and still do it now as soon as everyone is safely home. Bliss, although it comes from a place of anxiety really

Hope that 11 day was worth it for him

Because he destroyed his relationship in that selfish moment

And xh can't get in now as I changed the locks!

I'm sorry that comes from a place of anxiety but I'm glad it gives you that sense of relief.

I just changed the sheets, got into bed and it hit me. A big wave of relief knowing I never have to have sex with him again or share a bed with him again. Even if he's not physically left the house yet. It's blissful.

I think he knows quite well he cannot kiss you on the way out of a room - seriously, who forgets that? It is just a way of encroaching on your space and not quite taking you seriously.

That's what I suspect. I'm telling him tomorrow anyway that he's got til the end of the week to arrange to stay at a mates or family.

My goodness OP you are amazing

On the plus side, I'm in the middle of a king-size bed and it feels very luxurious without a 6ft 4 mega-snorer

I've burnt a lovely scented candle (that H hates so I barely get to use it) and have been reading a book in total silence. I thrive off alone time so this has been a lovely evening that I really needed. Hopefully I'll feel recharged and ready to tackle him on leaving tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who's contributed to the thread. I'm amazed how fast things happened once the penny dropped and this thread played a big part in me growing some actual balls back.

While he was out I also rooted through our documents and secured mine and the kids birth certificates and passports. Thanks to other threads on here I realised I should probably nan them in case!

Does he know not to attempt to get in to bed with you when he returns?

He's been told and if he so much as opens the door he'll regret it. I told him his bedding was on the sofa and I was going to bed. He said OK. If he tries anything pushy like coming in or getting into bed after the fact I will demand he leaves tonight and will ask for back up from my friend's husband, if he really won't go. It's only because I'm kind that I haven't already physically kicked him out. That really would be the last straw for me.

Oof. That sounds intense read back to myself but i mean it

You go!

💪🏻💪🏻

Can you lock your bedroom door?

No. I wish! I think he'll stay downstairs to be fair. He knows he's walking on thin ice. But I'm prepared in case he does. Because he's been ignoring my boundaries for 5 years.

No, I don’t think it sounds intense, just sensible - it was my concern reading your post that he would try and just get into bed and worse anyway, particularly if he has been drinking. Without being funny, I would make sure you have a chair or something who will make a clatter and wake you if he opens the bedroom door - don’t block it entirely as you need to get in and out and so do the children, but so that it will make a noise and wake you if he tries to get in drunk.
Glad you have back up on hand and I hope you get a good night’s sleep.

*which will make a clatter not who

That's actually a really good idea. Thank you.

Your bed picture looks cozy AF. I’m actually jealous. Enjoy your quietude!

Wishing you a peaceful night’s sleep 😴