Why does MN not like SAHMs?

[Didthatreallyhappen2]

This baffles me (and I haven't posted in AIBU as I know the vitriol that arises there sometimes). I'm proudly an SAHM. Friends are equally proudly working mums. I don't care what they are, as long as they are decent human beings. They don't judge me, and I don't judge them.

But on MN it seems that SAHMs are looked down on. My DH and I have a partnership - he earns the money and I do everything (and I mean everything) at home, all the domestic tasks, school-related etc etc. We both work full time, but I don't get paid, or have an annual review, or bonuses or whatever. It works for us.

Everything in our household is joint - and yet on MN SAHMs are continually lambasted for not having their own money, prospects, wasted their education, not a good role model etc etc. Why? I truly don't understand this.

People generally, including MN posters, don't like sanctimony. Which some SAHMs have in spades. That's the issue beneath so many things. Like Harry and Meghan too without wishing to derail.

It’s the sanctimony, not being a SAHM per se.

I win, I am THE most hated person on MN.

What a load of bollocks. Worse than child molesters, men who beat women, people who use toilets brushes? Rich Tories bleating on about how everyone hates them? Sheesh.

Lots of people are judgmental about other people's choices and defensive about their own. On a parenting website populated mostly by women, it's hardly a surprise that how you parent and your equality of status as a woman are contentious topics. Some women on MN think being a SAHM is not a great idea. That is not the same as MN hating SAHMs.

I don't hate sahms I feel sorry for them. My husband earns enough so that I could stay at home but that's no life is it? And yes as a previous poster said, it's the sanctimony. Sahms seem to think all women would rather stay at home instead of work. It's like they've been infantilised and assume all women want the same. We don't.

WOHMS seem to think all women would rather work instead of stay at home. It's like they've been infantilised and assume all women want the same. We don't.

After almost 10 years in my most recent job I was made redundant on mat leave. Started a small freelance business. Then fell pregnant with an unexpected second 3 years later. Because I had so many issues with the first pregnancy, I had to stop work with the second. I’m still clawing my way back but now I have up to and including 4 to5 drop offs and pick ups a day. Try telling that to a potential employer! I’m absolutely screwed because going back to work means paying someone else, and they are going to cost as much as I can earn.Advice welcomed. xx

I don't hate sahms I feel sorry for them. My husband earns enough so that I could stay at home but that's no life is it? And yes as a previous poster said, it's the sanctimony. Sahms seem to think all women would rather stay at home instead of work. It's like they've been infantilised and assume all women want the same. We don't.

How rude are you?

@5zeds i see what you did there very clever

@SoupDragon so?

I don't hate sahms I feel sorry for them

See, it’s stuff like this that makes some WOHMs sound so bitter! I understand and respect my friends decisions to work - it’s not for me though - but ta for the concern!

People generally, including MN posters, don't like sanctimony. Which some SAHMs have in spades.

A comment which is just as accurate if you put "WOHM" instead of "SAHM"

@SoupDragon so?

Not entirely sure what that is meant to mean.

I work but am also a SAHM during the day. Where do I fall on the spectrum?

So, as you can see, I have name changed for this thread only, as I am very, very, scared of being judged by MN's, so here goes:

Do you suffer from severe anxiety?

Fuck me. It's a chat forum on the internet.

No-one can type you to death!

I work but am also a SAHM during the day. Where do I fall on the spectrum?

Both sides can hate you equally 😂😂

It’s posters like @SusieMyerson that give off this impression. Why can’t everyone be respectful of others’ choices? There always has to be some condescending twat crawl out the woodwork.

I don't hate sahms I feel sorry for them. My husband earns enough so that I could stay at home but that's no life is it?

See it's goady shit like that ^^ that then makes SAHMs come back with something like "Well I feel sorry for your children being 'farmed out' to nursery/breakfast/after school/holiday clubs etc".

I don't know why anyone is even fussed about what other people do in other households.

I’ve seen some nasty posts directed to SAHMs. Also to SAHDs...calling them “cocklodgers” and such.

But MN isn’t targeting SAHPs. Pretty much everyone who starts a thread no matter their circumstances will get both vinegar and honey posts in response.

How bloody patronising soupdragon

I have a much better life at home with my DCS than I did when I was working. It may not be your choice but then thank goodness people have individual tastes.

I think just about everyone is criticised on Mumsnet for something - you probably only notice when it applies to you.

But there are so many unhappy women who post on the relationships board who can't leave their DH because they need his wage that it isn't surprising many women are a bit cautious in wholly endorsing a very traditional set up that leaves women financially vulnerable.

Suzie you don’t have to feel sorry for me! I’ve just left our office to be a SAHM and my life is so much easier and less stressful.

How bloody patronising soupdragon

Eh?

OP dropped the shit grenade and fucked off? Goady fuckers. Those are the most hated people on MN. Plus trolls.

And lazy journos trawling for lazy, misogynistic stories.

I don't know why anyone is even fussed about what other people do in other households
Way to shut down half of mumsnet, Worra