Why does MN not like SAHMs?

[Didthatreallyhappen2]

This baffles me (and I haven't posted in AIBU as I know the vitriol that arises there sometimes). I'm proudly an SAHM. Friends are equally proudly working mums. I don't care what they are, as long as they are decent human beings. They don't judge me, and I don't judge them.

But on MN it seems that SAHMs are looked down on. My DH and I have a partnership - he earns the money and I do everything (and I mean everything) at home, all the domestic tasks, school-related etc etc. We both work full time, but I don't get paid, or have an annual review, or bonuses or whatever. It works for us.

Everything in our household is joint - and yet on MN SAHMs are continually lambasted for not having their own money, prospects, wasted their education, not a good role model etc etc. Why? I truly don't understand this.

So what do you understand people mean when they say they are a “full time mother”? . Surely what you are describing is a “mother” because ALL mothers are “full time”, so why do you think people are adding those words?

And if we’re going to be picky, SAHM do work they just aren’t paid a salary for their time. So are ALL mothers “working mothers”, or are meaning something else by that phrase?

Jealousy and fear

I work full time (55 hours/week) AND I'm a sahm. I win 😂

I agree the vast majority of mothers are full time mothers, just that some of those will work and others will stay at home. I think sugge dating some mothers are ta full time implies that they are opting in and out of being by a mother, say for example a mother who walks in and out of her children’s lives.

I would suggest working mothers implies a mother who is paid to work in addition to being a mother. A stay at home mother is one who doesn’t do paid work in addition to parenting?

So are the mothers of children at boarding school “full time”? How much contact time is required for your definition?

I think when people say “full time mother” they mean someone who isn’t employed outside the home and spends their time caring for children. When they say “working mother” they mean a mother who is in paid employment and spends some of her time earning money. I don’t think anyone really thinks those that work for money stop being a mother while they do it, or those that stay at home do no labour.

I hate the term "Full time mother." I was a SAHM for 4 years and never called myself that.

**I don’t think anyone really thinks those that work for money stop being a mother while they do it, or those that stay at home do no labour.

OK well then we agree on something! Being a full time mother isn’t about how much time you spend with your child. All of the following can still be full time mothers:

• parents of school-aged children *parents of children in boarding school *sick parents in hospital *parents who work *parents who travel abroad *divorced parents who live in another area Plus many, many more scenarios!!!

On the other hand, mothers who aren’t full time are those who aren’t consistently in their children’s lives surely? Those who abandon/ drop and pick up their children?

"full time mummy" is a silly phrase used by some SAHM to suggest that other mums are somehow less of a mum because they've chosen a different structure to their home life. In my experience people who use this phrase are also fond of #makingmemories.

All mums are full time mums. They may make different choices that they believe are right for their children and their families but they're not less of a mum.

One of my friends went to specialist music school. I attended the local 6th form. Was her mum a part time mum? An absent mum? What about my mum who was working part time? How was she less of a mum than a SAHP, but more of a mum than a WOHP?

At school age, does a SAHP mum at cease being a full time mum because th children are elsewhere between 9am-3:30pm? Or is is it selective separation during the day that makes someone a part time mum where a child at school all day with a SAHP has a full time mum, but their friend with a working mum has a part time mum?

Such a stupid expression.

@thisispieces I agree with you! I think you’ve misread my post, that’s exactly what I meant!

@LolaSmiles People who style themselves that also have inevitably attended the 'School of Hard Knocks' or 'School of Life'

Women who place blind trust in their partner

This I really loathe. It's usually phrased as "I completely trust my husband" or (worse), "he'd never do that"

As if other women got married full well thinking their new husband was going to have an affair / mid life crisis / some other reason that ended a marriage and were simply more stupid or gullible than the person bragging about their superior choices.

How would you describe yourself if you weren’t employed and Looked after your children? I mean if someone said “what do you do?”

As if other women got married full well thinking their new husband was going to have an affair / mid life crisis / some other reason that ended a marriage and were simply more stupid or gullible than the person bragging about their superior choices. Presumably the ones who’s husbands turned out to be shits placed “blind trust” in them first, so you are basically having people for not being dumped

How would you describe yourself if you weren’t employed and Looked after your children? I mean if someone said “what do you do?”

Unemployed? I jest.

I suppose it would depend. On maternity I'd say that. A career break I'd say I work in Social Services but taking time at home with the kids. Any longer, I suppose, SAHM.

Try being me, I really am a leper on Mumsnet. Single parent, SAHM, on benefits ( I'm disabled) live in a council house. I'm surprised that I am even allowed to post.

Over my parenting years I’ve worked ft, with a long commute; worked pt, with frequent overseas travel; been a sahp, and worked mostly from home.
Loons (and my mother) have been snippy about every single one of those arrangements.
It’s quite a handy signal to learn who to avoid though

I love you Nat ❤️

DesLynamsMoustache yes, the University of Life. Related item: CEO of Beautiful Babes @ MLM of choice.

How would you describe yourself if you weren’t employed and Looked after your children? I mean if someone said “what do you do?”
That I'm a stay at home parent / am taking a career break to be at home with the children .
Not anything silly and nauseating like"full time mummy".

MN often says you can't win if you work or stay at home. In my experience, I got lots of judgement when I stayed home and absolutely no judgement but admiration for working full time.