How do you deal with horrible, random messages from men?

[minou123]

I had some diy work done in my house before Christmas and I hired a self-employed guy to do it.

I had his telephone number to arrange time/date of the work. He spent 1 day in my house completing the work. I kept out of his way and spent the day completing paperwork in my bedroom.

He has just (tonight) what's app me saying
"Minou, I think I heard you masterbatIng when I was at your house. You turned me on. You up for some"

What the fuck? I barely spoke to him and I certainly didnt do what he saying I did.
I have not replied to him.

Has anyone else had similar? What did you do? I'm a little concerned because he knows where I live.
I'm I being precious and should laugh this off? Or should I be concerned?

I'm glad you have called the police, no woman or man for that matter should have to put up with this shit.

It’s good to hear the police take this seriously.

Well done for reporting!

How many other people is he doing this too and how far would he go with vulnerable people. He prob thinks he's funny and has no idea he's a repulsive scary creep. Have you asked him to not send you more messages? Block and if poss change your number. Personally I would also let your neighbour know.

Well done for doing something about this OP.

Similar to men who slow their cars and say disgusting things, I realise now that they actually get off on women being uncomfortable and frightened.

I had this moment of clarity where I thought of course they don't think a woman will say ooh yes let me hop into your van and suck you off. So they can only be getting off on our reaction. Which is to feel scared.

I'm in my early 30s but look very young and I always go for the line "how would you feel if someone spoke to your daughter or niece this way?" And you know what? They don't give a shit.

It is not OK. To a PP @Stabbitha1 who said it was OTT to call the police. I ask the same question. What if your daughter had someone who visited her house to do their job, knew her address and then texted her to say he wanted to come over and "fuck her" would you genuinely think that she was OTT for calling the police? You don't owe us anything but as a victim of sexual violence I would really appreciate your thoughts because I can't understand them and would like to understand your POV.

The police could visit him in person and will use their body cam to film it. A friend of mine was harassed by a guy via email (they met through a work event and he started to threaten her and her daughter) and the police quite rightly took it seriously. They told her that he had been warned not to continue the harassment and that he had back tracked and apologised.

Hoping this is sorted for you OP. I bet you are not the first woman he’s done this to.

@YasssKween absolutely to your words about women being uncomfortable and frightened. That’s exactly what it is.

The me too movement has uncovered the various ways in which sexual predators harass and intimidate their victims, absolutely it is appropriate to call the police when a sexual predator has targeted you in this way

What a horrible threat and violation of your boundaries, sufficient to make you feel unsafe in your own home

Please do emphasise to the police the effect tgis has had on you, even if you can't put into words why it is, it has.

I wouldn't post anything on anywhere, or share it with anyone at all until the police are done with it in whatever way, as it will all serve to undermine yoir case.

I do understand why people want to share such posts, but in the end it doesn't help legally.

Its yours to share with whomever you like, but once you know you are not putting your own success of a case against him, or the potential escalation from him if you react in any way atall.

The police sadly, although, they will immediately attened and take a statement, seem to behave more as mediators between aggressors (sorry, criminals) and victims.

Sinkgirl s pp is an horrific example of this in action. It is shocking what some are getting off scot free for, and what message does that give to pepetrators of sexual violence against women?

A security guard trapped me in an empty car park, by locking down the barrier when I was trying to escape in my car. He tried to open my car door and made my dog go loco at him for approaching and touching the car (he suddenly appeared out of the dark at my passenger window, then did the same at my driver window, when I screamed and cried he laughed and laughed. I literally can't remember how I got out of there.

The police did a swift follow up, then, guess what, nothing, even though he told them he would resign his job! So basically admitted it. This sort of stuff can change womens lives for good, why should he just walk away, and did the poloce make sure he did leave his job? Of course not.

They collude with criminals from what I've seen and experienced.

This man was in a position of authority, as a security guard, sinkgirl aggressor worked with children ffs, op's floorer routinely has access to women in their homes!

OP, yours was a completely normal response to a threat to your boundaries sexually, and your safety.

You are right, you cannot 'know' what someone capable of that could also be further capable of doing if feeling they're either taken seriously or not taken seriously.

I hope the police actually do take action further than just listening sympathetically to your upsetting statement.

Men are also victims of sexual predators
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50688975
'Reynhard Sinaga is thought to be the UK's "most prolific rapist" ever. For several years, until he was caught in 2017, he preyed on young men enjoying a night out'
It is in everyone's interests to deal with these people effectively

Good I am glad you reported him

I had an engineer from Virgin harassing me Virgin didn’t give a shit when I complained but the police took it very seriously and then Virgin suddenly did see it as an issue

I was told by the police it happens so often and advised to ask for a women or keep men’s clothes about so it doesn’t look like you are single as you are more likely to be targeted - and yes that advice was given apologetically

This isn't the place to start derailing a thread about a man predating on a woman with the oh the poor men it happens to as well ffs!

How inconsiderate and thoughtless.

Men are the prime perpetrators of predating your comment is crass, pointless, and insensitive to say the least UYScuti

Go think up something that will actually be supportive of ops horrible situation, if you have the capacity, beyond thinking only of men.

Do ask for female trades in future, they don't get enough of a break, and these incidents should put them in the lead for home repairs and refurbs.

There is no crb checking or any idea of what type of man you let into your home, and most of us have young dc about the place too.

Agree

Women should be allowed to discuss the issues that many of us have experienced time and time again and share our experience and support other women without being reminded to think of men too

OP you’re a legend. I’m sorry this happened to you.

Are you single? I used to get things like this when I was a single mum. Even had a Pervy next delivery guy once. I used to leave men's shoes by the front door or get my brother round every time I had a workman coming. I'd just block him

Wow shocking behaviour from him. You’ve done the right thing OP

I commented earlier OP, hope the police see you soon and tell you their next steps. As I'm reading this thread, I'm getting angrier (but not surprised) by the amount of times this sort of thing happens.

I remembered a time years ago (before mobile phones) when I bought a car from a local car dealership. A few days later the car salesman knocked on my door and asked me out for a date. He was twice my age. I had a boyfriend, he didn't know that, my boyfriend could have answered the door for all the pervert knew (I lived alone with my DD).

Whilst I didn't feel threatened, I was young (mid 20s) and just said "No!". If it had happened now I would have given him shit about obtaining and using my address and for having the nerve to even think I'd say yes. What honestly goes through these men's minds???

Please update us when the police have been OP.

As if it was someone else on his phone!!! Unless he was 13 or something which I’m doubting.

It’s perfectly reasonable that he was all ‘you’ when quoting for the job and OP was a person to respect. Since he did the job OP became nothing but a sex object to him so he didn’t need to try to impress her with his fancy words.

The people saying it could be someone else are the same type who try to excuse any bad behaviour in kids as SEN.

I have spoken to police. Unfortunately it was a telephone interview, but I do have an appointment on monday to see them.

The female police officer was great and is taking this very seriously. I have an incident number and a crime number. She said she has logged it under Malicious Communication Act, unwanted sexual harassment which is causing harm and distress.
She gave me great safeguarding advice, which I will follow it to the letter.

However I do need some more advice. The policewoman gave me her opinion but I'm not sure what to do. Before I ask it, I'm a little concerned about damaging any case I may have as smotheroffive said in her post

smotheroffive
I wouldn't post anything on anywhere, or share it with anyone at all until the police are done with it in whatever way, as it will all serve to undermine yoir case.
I do understand why people want to share such posts, but in the end it doesn't help legally.

Do you mean on here? Or posting his message on facebook etc? As this is an anonymous forum, am I ok to ask for more advice? And should I ask mnhq to remove the screenshot I posted?

The only reason why I posted the screenshot was in case anyone thought I was a troll or making it up.

I would go ahead with caution.l, especially if the police are pursuing this. Yes, have your photo removed, as its evidence.

Also remove any posts that could have identifying information, including other posters pp. Those who have followed your thread so far will know what you are referring to, but cases can be destroyed and are over posting case details online.

I am really pleased you have been treated so well, and, more importantly that the police will take action against him.

Also, ask them how to go forward and who you are allowed to discuss it with, as afaik, the answer would be noone!

Can your neighbour go back to the company who originally recommended him and tell them what's happened? Suggest that they shouldn't recommend him to other customers while the police are involved as it doesn't reflect well on them.

Really good to hear that the police are taking it seriously. You deserve nothing less for all the distress and fear he has caused you.

Yes, continue to follow the advice of the police. I hope tonight will be more peaceful for you. Do you think you could stay with a friend tonight or have a friend stay with you?

You have been really brave and acted really responsibly.

Smotheroffive you have misconstrued my post