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Original poster

How do you deal with horrible, random messages from men?

167 replies

minou123 · 01/02/2020 00:37

I had some diy work done in my house before Christmas and I hired a self-employed guy to do it.

I had his telephone number to arrange time/date of the work. He spent 1 day in my house completing the work. I kept out of his way and spent the day completing paperwork in my bedroom.

He has just (tonight) what's app me saying
"Minou, I think I heard you masterbatIng when I was at your house. You turned me on. You up for some"

What the fuck? I barely spoke to him and I certainly didnt do what he saying I did.
I have not replied to him.

Has anyone else had similar? What did you do? I'm a little concerned because he knows where I live.
I'm I being precious and should laugh this off? Or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 06:58

woooooo
He was only downstairs and I cleared everything out so the floors could be changed, so there wasnt anything about to indicate if I am single or not.
The only thing I can think of is that he was here the whole day (10am till 7pm) and no one else came to my house, so that might have indicated I have no husband/boyfriend.

Thankfully he has not come to my house. Just need to wait for the police today

OP posts:
Geneshish · 01/02/2020 07:07

Agreed it sounds like someone has taken his phone. Especially looking at the time on a Friday- they are likely to be drunk. Why would he ruin his livelihood like this? Regardless I think you did the right thing.

MonsteraCheeseplant · 01/02/2020 07:27

It really DOESNT sound as if someone has taken his phone, how would they know OP was in the bedroom and was alone? What bollocks. OP, i'm glad you called the police. This is harassment and is completely unacceptable.

Geneshish · 01/02/2020 07:35

You can picture the scene- pub on a Friday night. He tells tale of woman in home he was working on who went to her room while he was there. They speculate on what she was doing in there and have a laugh. He leaves his phone on the table and his mates think it would be funny to send the text.

I'm not saying this makes it in any way ok but I think OP is safe from him turning up at her house. I expect she will get a very hungover apology today.

KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 01/02/2020 07:40

If it was his ‘mates’ he must’ve told them her name and that her number was saved in his phone, she would have to be the only person saved in his phone with that name, he would have to have no passcode/fingerprint on his phone and would have to have left his phone with them and they would have to have been able to keep straight faces/not laughed/not made sly comments/not wound him up about it otherwise he would’ve messaged OP a massive apology to stop it ruining his business. That doesn’t seem likely.

MonsteraCheeseplant · 01/02/2020 07:49

its far fetched

IndecentFeminist · 01/02/2020 07:49

Yeah, that doesn't sound at all realistic to me.

MonsteraCheeseplant · 01/02/2020 07:50

I swear some people were born yesterday

lilgreen · 01/02/2020 07:53

Report him.

TheNoiseHurts · 01/02/2020 07:56

Ordinarily I would ignore a thread like this and my troll alarm would be blaring.

But I believe you.

I've experienced stuff like this before as well, some men are such disgusting cunts sometimes.

TheNoiseHurts · 01/02/2020 07:56

*some men.

I didn't mean to gather ALL men into that statement.

Usernamealreadyexists · 01/02/2020 07:56

Did you communicate via WhatsApp before as it’s odd he didn’t message you on that before....

othervoicesotherrooms · 01/02/2020 07:57

Really hope for his sake someone has his phone or has hacked him.
It is a bit odd - especially the spelling.
Let the police sort it out.

CalleighDoodle · 01/02/2020 08:03

Ffs some people bend themselves in complete knots trying to excuse mens’ behaviour.

soloula · 01/02/2020 08:05

I don't think the language is odd. Many people have a professional voice in their business emails and texts and then use textspeak when they're off the clock.

Hope the police give him a firm talking to and I'd be letting your neighbour know. Presumably they're not a single female on their own so not his type. Fuming for you OP

SinkGirl · 01/02/2020 08:12

I completely understand OP.

When I was moving house I hired a guy to take some stuff to a charity and the rest to a dump. Long story short, he tried to extort lots more money from me the smashed everything into the street and threatened me with violence. Other people called the police. I was heavily pregnant and the time and was so relieved he didn’t know where I was going.

In another situation, we hired someone to do some exterior decorating. He guilted me into paying the full amount before being finished (left some expensive equipment here so I wasn’t worried about him not coming back) - of course the equipment was hired and the company came for it and we never saw him again. Got lots of excuses by text then nothing. He took the paint etc with him which was mixed to match existing paintwork so couldn’t even just get it finished.

DH took pictures of the work and posted them online and gave him bad reviews. Then got threatening messages. I was really worried as he knew where we lived.

I completely understand why you’d be so nervous when this is the type of harassment and you live alone.

Men like this bank on women feeling scared of them. I would want to leave reviews explaining the situation everywhere I can find but I can understand why that’s difficult for you to do.

I’m sure he will get what’s coming to him sooner or later if he often acts this way.

And definitely tell your neighbour so he stops recommending him to others!

Stabbitha1 · 01/02/2020 08:13

He was probably pissed drunk texting. Still not ok of course.
Calling the police is a bit ott. If he had serious intentions of harming you he would have done it already.

Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 08:15

I'm normally really good at coming up with witty quips to put men like this in thier place. And I was strong enough to report and deal with sexual harassment I recieved at work.
But this one stopped me in my tracks because he knows where i live and I started to fear what he may do if I responded.

Usernamealreadyexists
No, no communication before using what's app.
He came round to do a quote. He text me to rearrange the date he was due to complete the work. That's it.
That's why I opened the what's app message when it first came through because I didnt recognise the number.

OP posts:
ClappyFlappy · 01/02/2020 08:15

I think it’s entirely normal that this has rattled you although you’re usually together in similar situations. This man has been in your home and you’ve received these in your home so I imagine it must feel like a violation.

Glad you called the police. As for the “maybe someone else took his phone” 🙄 comments, really.

Jayaywhynot · 01/02/2020 08:15

So glad you called the police, it will send a message to this arsehole that you wont be messed with. Totally the right way to deal with him, Flowers

Goostacean · 01/02/2020 08:15

What’s annoying is that you’ve lost sleep, whereas he has probably messaged several others at the same time and is no doubt now enjoying a lovely lie in, forgotten he even sent the messages, and couldn’t care less how you’re feeling! Infuriating.

SinkGirl · 01/02/2020 08:16

Calling the police is a bit ott. If he had serious intentions of harming you he would have done it already.

Because the police are only there for when someone has already been violent? OP feels unsafe in her own home and is losing sleep.

I take it you’ve never heard of escalating behaviour?

They may already have reports about him. Men who behave this way tend to be habitual and who knows what else he has done. Even if the police give him a bollocking and it stops him treating other female clients this way then that’s a positive.

Wildorchidz · 01/02/2020 08:19

You did the right thing contacting the police.

stophuggingme · 01/02/2020 08:24

I don’t know if I am more horrified by this ghastly prick’s conduct or the fact three pages in not a single mumsnetter has lamented the misspelling not just on the text but in the thread of mastErbating when the correct spelling is MASTURBATING
Hmm

Teateaandmoretea · 01/02/2020 08:27

You are right. They get off on this. It's like the old fashioned 'dirty-heavy breathing ' caller or flashers.

But clearly the men have got dumber as it's immediately traceable back to them. Just be grateful he didn't send any pictures I guess 🤮.

Good on you for telling the police, they rely on the fact that women will be embarrassed.

There's no way it's someone else, they wouldn't know all the details and am totally baffled as to why anyone would even think that.

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