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Original poster

How do you deal with horrible, random messages from men?

167 replies

minou123 · 01/02/2020 00:37

I had some diy work done in my house before Christmas and I hired a self-employed guy to do it.

I had his telephone number to arrange time/date of the work. He spent 1 day in my house completing the work. I kept out of his way and spent the day completing paperwork in my bedroom.

He has just (tonight) what's app me saying
"Minou, I think I heard you masterbatIng when I was at your house. You turned me on. You up for some"

What the fuck? I barely spoke to him and I certainly didnt do what he saying I did.
I have not replied to him.

Has anyone else had similar? What did you do? I'm a little concerned because he knows where I live.
I'm I being precious and should laugh this off? Or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
CanIHaveATiaraPlease · 01/02/2020 08:27

That’s a nasty violation. I’d let the police deal with him now.

stophuggingme · 01/02/2020 08:32

You definitely did the right thing with the police. Would love to see the fucker’s face when the cops rock up.
Weasel

Horsemad · 01/02/2020 08:37

Glad you reported him OP, the sleazy little toerag.

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the police pay him a visit!

Teateaandmoretea · 01/02/2020 08:44

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the police pay him a visit!

Well exactly. The biggest punishment for him would be if we were all allowed to buy tickets.

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/02/2020 08:53

Sorry this happened to you OP. I'm also a single woman living alone and hate dealing with tradesmen.

TARSCOUT · 01/02/2020 09:01

@thethreeofweevils when you are.dealing with something like this it is the language that is used to intimate your knowledge and attitude, not defining legalities Hmm

ThanosSavedMe · 01/02/2020 09:01

Well done for calling g the police. Glad they’re taking it seriously. And agree it’s bullshit about someone else messaging. That’s just a convenient excuse

LangLiveThePenis · 01/02/2020 09:10

Well done, you did the right thing. He's a dirty little prick.

SinkGirl · 01/02/2020 09:29

I wouldn’t expect the police to do much about it (that guy I mentioned earlier - who threw a van load of furniture at me, and threatened to smash it over my fucking head) was called back to the scene by the police.

They relayed his offer to me - to clean up the mess he caused for another £100. Then the police invited him in for an interview at a time of his choosing, and got him to write me a fucking apology letter, and that was that.

The police told me he had “a bit of a past”, and was worried about being charged because he volunteers with children! And yet the police thought that an insincere apology was sufficient. The guy conveniently didn’t smash the items that had value - he took those home.

However, hopefully the fact that people did call the police and he did get a talking to has stopped him from behaving so aggressively and threateningly and trying to extort his customers, just in case any of them call the police on him again.

I mainly proceeded because I was concerned he may have an existing track record and this would help them take action against him.

You’ve definitely done the right thing. Just temper any expectations of what they’ll do!

Teateaandmoretea · 01/02/2020 09:45

You’ve definitely done the right thing. Just temper any expectations of what they’ll do!

A phone call alone telling him about the accusation and warning him would probably make him consider future behaviour. It is also on record that the OP complained so he is flagged as a sex pest. Other people may have complained, he may already be on their radar.

But yes, he's highly unlikely to actually be charged with anything.

Wereallsquare · 01/02/2020 09:56

@SinkGirl How awfully ineffectual were the police in your case! He threatened you with bodily harm, destroyed your property, and was allowed to try to extort more money out of you and was only made to write you a ridiculous letter of apology? And even with his past and violence with you, he gets to continue volunteering with kids? Oh the great example he must be setting for those children.

How can an uncivil lout like that be treated with such civility by the police? These creatures know it, and they continue to play by a different set of rules from the rest of decent society. I am angry on your behalf.

Wereallsquare · 01/02/2020 10:03

OP, it is so unfair that you have had a fearful and worrisome night because of this creep. You did everything right: got a recommendation from a neighbour, acted professionally and stayed out of his way while he was working. And he has been vile and threatening to you, knowing full well that his knowing where you live makes you especially vulnerable. What a POS.

I really do hope the police out the fear of God into him and give him weeks and weeks of worry for his job and personal relationships.

Have you told the neighbour who recommended him?

Littletabbyocelot · 01/02/2020 10:08

Glad you reported and I hope they give him a shock.

With GDPR while retaining your information isn't a breach, using it for a purpose you didn't consent to is. So if the police do nothing, the ico is a route. I worked for a company where a member of staff used a client's mobile number to ask them on a date. Big wrist slap (person sacked obviously). If it was a mate, he's breached GDPR too because they've been able to access information about you to send the messages.

Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 10:21

SinkGirl
That's awful. I'm so sorry you had to deal with police like that.

Wereallsquare
I haven't seen the neighbour yet. About to go over now and see what they say.

Littletabbyocelot
Weirdly this has reminded me of

OP posts:
Wereallsquare · 01/02/2020 10:22

@stophuggingme

The horror! You, my dear, are the only one with your priorities right. Thanks for getting the thread back on track.

Teateaandmoretea · 01/02/2020 10:29

I haven't seen the neighbour yet. About to go over now and see what they say.

I think I actually love you OP Smile. Good luck!

PicsInRed · 01/02/2020 10:42

Calling the police is a bit ott. If he had serious intentions of harming you he would have done it already.

He HAS already harmed her. He's quite intentionally made her feel frightened in her own home. This is why its call sexual "harassment". They're enjoying the victim's fear and discomfort. That's the entire point of what they do.

He literally asked her if she wanted him to come by to her house - which he knows the address to - and fuck her. There aren't too many women who wouldnt feel some fear at such a statement from a strange man, especially one who had sent the first very disturbing messages and continued despite no response.

OP, well done on reporting him to the police. Even if it turns out to be his friend or won't, it's still a matter for the police to deal with as you have still been criminally frightened and harassed.

Classof66 · 01/02/2020 10:42

As a man,I think this behaviour is totally unacceptable.You did the right thing getting the police involved.It could well stop him doing anything more serious.

stophuggingme · 01/02/2020 10:44

@Wereallsquare
Quite.
You can count on me Grin

SinkGirl · 01/02/2020 11:18

How can an uncivil lout like that be treated with such civility by the police?

I have no idea. I was honestly shocked by the whole process. My DH was absolutely livid and when the policeman came round to give me the letter DH was quizzing him on why they even bothered. If I’d known it would have been such a complete waste of police time I would have told them not to bother at the outset. I probably wouldn’t have called the police myself, it was neighbours who called when he was in the process of hurling giant objects off the van in my direction and screaming expletives. He then drove off and left me with a road full of broken glass and broken wooden furniture - I was 6 months pregnant with twins, the stress of it was awful. Luckily my neighbours all came out to help and DH turned up to cart everything to the tip in his car.

Apparently he’d had convictions in his youth but had since “turned his life round” and coached kids football - I said I highly doubt a man who acts like that has turned his life round, it’s just that the people he treats this way haven’t reported him!

Ugh. Anyway, sorry to derail OP - I really really hope the police are more helpful to you! It’s so distressing to be made to feel so vulnerable. You have no idea if he’s a threat or not. Men who go into houses for their jobs need to know it’s never okay to behave this way. I hope they read him the riot act and the fear for his livelihood gives him a wake up call.

Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 11:26

SinkGirl
Feel free to detail. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Spoke to neighbour, he was quite upset when I told him. He said that he was redoing his house and bought flooring from a company and the company recommended this guy to fit it. He has recommended him to a few people and is upset that this has happened.

Thank you to all fof you for your support. You have explained why I just couldnt respond and block, better than I can.

Just waiting for police. I will let you know what they say

OP posts:
UYScuti · 01/02/2020 11:32

this is shocking I wonder if he was high when he sent those messages not that it excuses him
I would find it hard to suppress the urge to invite him round and greet him with a 'welcoming committee', but of course that would only make things worse

UYScuti · 01/02/2020 11:36

This is what I would want to do
Invite him round, when he arrives there are three or four other men present, decent men, proper people who treat others with respect and do the right thing
we all sit down and have a conversation about why he did this revolting despicable intimidating thing

Noshowlomo · 01/02/2020 11:39

Glad you called the police. What a horrible disgusting man.

Heismyopendoor · 01/02/2020 11:53

Absolutely disgusting messages. Glad you have phoned the police, hope they put the shitters up him!