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Original poster

How do you deal with horrible, random messages from men?

167 replies

minou123 · 01/02/2020 00:37

I had some diy work done in my house before Christmas and I hired a self-employed guy to do it.

I had his telephone number to arrange time/date of the work. He spent 1 day in my house completing the work. I kept out of his way and spent the day completing paperwork in my bedroom.

He has just (tonight) what's app me saying
"Minou, I think I heard you masterbatIng when I was at your house. You turned me on. You up for some"

What the fuck? I barely spoke to him and I certainly didnt do what he saying I did.
I have not replied to him.

Has anyone else had similar? What did you do? I'm a little concerned because he knows where I live.
I'm I being precious and should laugh this off? Or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Luckystar777 · 01/02/2020 01:46

Report to Police for sexual harassment as you're probably not the first and won't be the last. :(

Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 01:50

TARSCOUT
Thank you. It is a little scary, only because he knows where I live, so I may not sleep tonight. But the police said to call 999 immediately if he does show up.

Mintjulia
You are right. They get off on this. It's like the old fashioned 'dirty-heavy breathing ' caller or flashers.

I could really kick myself. I'm a 'nearly' 40 year old woman and I'm known for not taking any shit. I've heard much worse when on nights out and also successfully dealt with harassment at work. Why am I letting this get to me?

OP posts:
FoamingAtTheUterus · 01/02/2020 01:59

I'd think someone had got hold of his phone as it's such an odd thing to do. So wouldn't out him on Facebook just yet. Let the police deal with it.

And when you know what's what share it far and wide.

PinkGinAndTacos · 01/02/2020 02:01

This doesn't excuse it but is there any chance he's out and someone has got hold of his phone? Men think this is hilarious and don't think of how vulnerable the other person is left feeling.
I've had this happen before but the person sending the messages was a friend. I knew immediately the gross messages weren't from my friend because they kept putting "u" instead of "you" and other little quirks that my friend never does.

Hope you manage some sleep.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 01/02/2020 02:03

Show them to your neighbour, they need to know so they don’t recommend him to anyone else. Well done for contacting the police.

stressedsideways · 01/02/2020 02:05

You did the right thing.

You know you can turn the blue ticks off on whatsapp so it never shows either side if it was read just grey ticks.

Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 02:13

FoamingAtTheUterus and PinkGinAndTacos

You may be right. I looked back at the text messages he sent, when he needed to rearrange the date to complete the work and his messages were all professional and spelt correctly.
"U" was "you" and he used phrases like "would the 28th be suitable to complete the work" etc.

If it is not him, and its a big if, I hope he has the sense to tell the police which friends have been doing this.

OP posts:
TheBewildernessisWeetabix · 01/02/2020 02:17

Notes from their boners is sexual harassment right up there with sending us pictures of their boners.

florababy34 · 01/02/2020 02:20

I'm so pleased you called the police! Well done. Really hope you feel more settled after they take down the details etc. What a vile man he is.. you are being anything but precious.

minou123 · 01/02/2020 02:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theThreeofWeevils · 01/02/2020 02:22

Regardless, your retainment of my personal details breaches GDPR regulations

No, it really doesn't.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 01/02/2020 02:37

Op, that honestly makes more sense. I'd put money on it not being him and some wanker has his phone. Definitely let the police handle this.

PerkyPomPoms · 01/02/2020 02:39

That’s horrendous

Luckystar777 · 01/02/2020 03:08

Hmm, even if someone got hold of his phone (doubtful) it's not an excuse as the messages have come from his phone and the onus is on him for leaving it unattended. He sounds like a chancer and I would be reporting him to police. The reason you've 'let it get to you' is because he knows where you live, has been in your house, it is creepy enough to receive messages like that without the person having been in your house touching your property and having a good old look around. Please tell the police in case he does this to other people or tries to do worse.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/02/2020 03:47

Good on you for calling the police.

If it is him doing this, imagine what he does to women he does know

And if someone else is using his phone, imagine the consequences to him if you had posted the screenshots on his social media.

Hope you’re feeling ok now

Original poster
minou123 · 01/02/2020 03:56

I'm still awake. I'm a little scared to sleep. Irrational, I know, it's been over 2 half hours since last message.

I think Luckystar777 is right that this has affected me because he has been in my house.

I dont know what the police will do, if anything. I dont normally condone 'revenge', but I hope the police put the fear of god into him, if they go to see him.
Just so he knows how it feels to be scared.

OP posts:
OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 01/02/2020 04:01

In your what's app settings you can change it so the blue ticks dont appear when you have read the message. So it looks like it's been delivered but not read. I'm not sure how to do it, I only know it can be done. Maybe doing that would help as it would mean you could see what he has written but he wouldn't know you had.

Weffiepops · 01/02/2020 04:08

He's trying his luck, just shoot him down with, no I wasn't masterbating, I was doing my paperwork and no I'm not interested. Do I get a discount now that you have sexually harassed me?

Shev1996 · 01/02/2020 04:12

OP, I feel for you, what a horrid excuse for a human being this man is. I’ve had one remotely similar experience many years ago. I had a note through my front door from a taxi driver who drove me home from a night out. Made me feel very vulnerable as he knew where I lived too. You’ve done the right thing informing the police. Putting up a review is up to you, I think I would also be worried to do so, he’s in the wrong completely but you have to live with the worry. Do you have anyone who could stay with you for a few days, or someone you could stay with? If he contacts you again you could also look at a restraining order

northernknickers · 01/02/2020 04:12

PPs saying 'someone might have his phone'. Seriously...why are you making excuses (and how likely is it that this is the case?) The messages CONTINUED! It wasn't a one-off!

The difference in style is really simple! His initial messages were about business...he was arranging a business transaction with someone he didn't know...the OP could have been 96 years old for all he knew! He was using 'proper words'! Once he'd met her and started on his 'quest for wank fodder'...he reverted straight to type...sex pest! So his language changed...you can't be a sex pest using Queen's English 🤷‍♀️

florababy34 · 01/02/2020 04:17

The idea that someone took his phone and used it to harass you is ludicrous. Utterly ludicrous.

Unfortunately it's almost definitely what he'll say when confronted.

itswonkylampshade · 01/02/2020 04:34

Agree it’s him! What a creep. I hope he’s shaking in his boots when they pay him a visit.

user1483387154 · 01/02/2020 05:21

you did the right thing reporting it

woooooo · 01/02/2020 05:56

Good on you for phoning the police and not replying. I'd have to sit on my hands to stop me from replying to this silly little man.

And no, nobody has taken his phone. Unless that person has: taken his phone AND knew what job he had done AND that you were in the house alone when he did the job.

Did he know you were single? You may not have told him outright but was there anything in your house that gave an indication you are? i.e. could he have snooped in your wardrobed and saw no men's clothes or gone in your bathroom and saw only 1 toothbrush etc. Otherwise he's taking a MASSIVE risk if not, of having your partner/husband turn up to 'speak' to him.

Definitely show your neighbours the screenshots. I'd be tempted to plaster it all over FB too but the comments on it could be choice so wouldn't need that bother.

I do hope the police pay him a visit. In my experience they are really cracking down on harassment like this. It won't be the first time he has done this but hopefully it will be the last.

FilledSoda · 01/02/2020 06:05

What an utter creep .
You did the right thing reporting him.
Don't reply or block just follow the police advice