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Original poster

WWYD - sister and money

145 replies

Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 21:36

My DSis and her partner approached me just before Christmas to ask for a large 4 figure loan. The reasons were my DSis' partner was starting a new job and had to work a month before getting paid, some emergency dental work, their car had had an expensive break down and the Christmas period was fast approaching.

They both live with my parents, are mid-20s, no kids.

I agreed on the basis that they were clearly very much in need, that I was lucky enough to have the cash available and that they committ to a payment plan which they created and agreed to. The first payment was due on 31st Dec but my DSis' partner's car was stolen on Christmas Eve. Neither of them asked me if they could delay the first payment but needless to say, I did not receive anything on the payment date. This didnt massively worry me as I know they had a lot of extra costs due to the theft.

The second payment was due today. I have not received anything. I'm now massively regretting lending the money and I'm wondering about what to do next. Would you just assume they are planning to pay once they get the car stuff sorted or would you start chasing now? I dont want to be insensitive as I know having a car stolen (with all their Xmas presents in the boot!) is a huge deal but to not even mention anything is worrying me ...

Not to dripfeed: my DSis had financial problems a number of years ago. I and my parents helped her out and she paid it all back. This was about 5 years ago.

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 31/01/2020 21:41

I would wait a day or two, and then if you don’t hear anything, perhaps send a friendly text, reminding them.

Sanch1 · 31/01/2020 21:43

I'd give it TIL Monday then ask. It's not like they've missed one, it's now two. And very rude of them to not mention it or offer an explanation.

PrayingandHoping · 31/01/2020 21:47

Did u say anything about the missed December payment? Even if it was that u understood and were happy to start in January?

If u haven't says anything then they are thinking you're a walk over and they can miss payments and u won't even say a word!

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General money
Wildorchidz · 31/01/2020 21:47

I would ring her and ask her what the story is.

LIZS · 31/01/2020 21:50

Don't assume their reason. You need to ask when they intend to pay and make them stick to it. The longer you give the more likely they are to take it for granted. Presumably he has been paid now.

gamerchick · 31/01/2020 21:53

You have this agreement in writing don't you?

latheritup · 31/01/2020 21:53

Did you get it in writing about the payment planned and signed?

letmebefrank · 31/01/2020 21:54

I'd text them this weekend, reminding them you need them to start paying back the money you lent them as promised.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/01/2020 21:58

Do your parents know about the loan? Is your sister working? It’s a shame about his car but they should have spoken to you about missing December and it’s taking the piss to miss a second payment without even mentioning it.

I’d talk to them over the weekend and don’t let them try to fob you off.

lovelove9 · 31/01/2020 22:08

I would be furious. I would CALL (not text) and ask when you can except December & January's payments.

Original poster
Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 22:15

Yes, everything is in writing of course.

And yes my parents are aware of the loan.

I'm currently moving between 'outraged that they're so immature that they can't a) pay their debt or b) have a mature conversation about it' and 'theyve had a really bumpy few weeks, dont kick up too much of a fuss'?

The consensus here seems to be to confront them about it properly though regardless of the car situation. I'm so disappointed as I didnt think she'd put me in this position - I specifically highlighted it as a fear and she set up a standing order in front of me so I wouldn't have to chase them and I knew I was getting the money back.

Clearly that hasn't happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 22:16

And yes sorry, both are employed full time

OP posts:
carly2803 · 31/01/2020 22:16

id be calling them now, telling them you need the money paid back as per the agreement.

or text so its in writing and follow it up with a phone call.

LIZS · 31/01/2020 22:20

So they have cancelled the SO? Not a mistake or oversight then.

Rainbowshine · 31/01/2020 22:20

I would have thought that their car insurance would have paid by now, so that’s not a reason to withhold payment. They should have had their January pay now, so that’s not it either. I think you need to address it now. The previous bailout has given your DSis the idea that your a cash point that she never has to pay back. Sorry, she’s taking advantage of your goodwill.

BackforGood · 31/01/2020 22:31

Another who thinks you need to ask them for the money now.
Everyone will have been paid for January.
If they are both working full time and living with your parents then their first priority with their pay coming in in January should have been to pay you back, with a HUGE apology that they didn't with their December pay.

If you don't say anything now then it will just become more difficult.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 31/01/2020 22:33

Just send a friendly, factual message:

Hi - can you please check the details of the standing order, I can't see December's payment or January's in my account. Please let me know which sort code and account number it is being paid into.
I hope you have a good weekend.

Cherrysoup · 31/01/2020 22:34

Just call them.

Original poster
Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 22:37

Thanks all - an objective perspective is really appreciated.

Guess I'm in for an awkward conversation tomorrow!

It's the standard baby of the family issue. She's so well looked after that she doesnt seem to be able to think outside of her needs. I've just spoken to my Mum who has advised me they wont be home tomorrow because they're out shopping for the day.

I can't even.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/01/2020 22:41

She should have had the decency to tell you she wasn't paying, and was the car not insured?

I also think you need to ask her what's happening as she's missed two payments without comment.

Original poster
Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 22:44

Yeah I've been holding out hope that maybe she'd transfer it after work/after tea etc. Given it's nearly 11pm, it's pretty safe to say it's not coming tonight.

The car was insured but there was a significant delay. The car was located by the police but had significant damage, all the wrapped Christmas presents in the boot were missing, alongside her purse and cards etc. I feel really bad for her - the timing was awful.

OP posts:
mummymayhem18 · 31/01/2020 22:46

Sorry OP but they are completely taking the p*ss. They both work full time and live with your parents but still haven't managed to pay you,but they obviously have enough to go shopping tomorrow. You should have said something after missing the first payment. Hope you get it sorted and get your money back ☺️.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/01/2020 22:47

If they’re out shopping for the day tomorrow they’re obviously not short of cash. Pisstakers. ☹️

mummymayhem18 · 31/01/2020 22:49

OMG OP 😮. They were stupid enough to leave there wrapped Christmas presents in the car along with purse etc. Sounds a bit fishy to me. Did they leave the keys in the car door as well for someone to help themselves 🤦‍♀️. Sadly just because they are family doesn't mean they won't mess you around.

LIZS · 31/01/2020 22:49

Are they not in this evening? Call or send a text now reminding them that it was due today - before they spend it all tomorrow.