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Original poster

WWYD - sister and money

145 replies

Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 21:36

My DSis and her partner approached me just before Christmas to ask for a large 4 figure loan. The reasons were my DSis' partner was starting a new job and had to work a month before getting paid, some emergency dental work, their car had had an expensive break down and the Christmas period was fast approaching.

They both live with my parents, are mid-20s, no kids.

I agreed on the basis that they were clearly very much in need, that I was lucky enough to have the cash available and that they committ to a payment plan which they created and agreed to. The first payment was due on 31st Dec but my DSis' partner's car was stolen on Christmas Eve. Neither of them asked me if they could delay the first payment but needless to say, I did not receive anything on the payment date. This didnt massively worry me as I know they had a lot of extra costs due to the theft.

The second payment was due today. I have not received anything. I'm now massively regretting lending the money and I'm wondering about what to do next. Would you just assume they are planning to pay once they get the car stuff sorted or would you start chasing now? I dont want to be insensitive as I know having a car stolen (with all their Xmas presents in the boot!) is a huge deal but to not even mention anything is worrying me ...

Not to dripfeed: my DSis had financial problems a number of years ago. I and my parents helped her out and she paid it all back. This was about 5 years ago.

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 31/01/2020 22:51

Even if she is proper up against the wall skint, she should have had a conversation with you about why she hasn’t paid you a penny back yet. Just ask her straight out. If she can shop she can afford to paying you something.

Original poster
Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 22:53

I know, do you ever get that feeling when you dont want to believe that your relative possesses a character trait you dislike so much though?

Think I'm going to go with the polite suggestion above about getting them to confirm the account details and see what her response is.

OP posts:
HopeYouStepOnALego · 31/01/2020 22:55

I'd be texting her tonight and calling first thing tomorrow to remind them of what's due, before they spend any money on shopping.

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Original poster
Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 22:55

The car thing - it was Christmas Eve, they'd wrapped them all at his Mums and were returning to our parents' with them all for Christmas morning. My young nephew (from my brother)was still awake so they left them in the car until he fell asleep. It was stolen in the meantime

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 31/01/2020 22:57

Just send a message asking her 'what's the story Janet, I've checked my account and your loan repayment isn't in yet. I thought the standing order was due to be paid today'. See what she says to that. If she starts waffling on about the car, being short of cash etc, be very straight in telling her that you had an agreement and you expect her to stick to it. Don't beat around the bush. She's taking the piss.

FamilyOfAliens · 31/01/2020 22:58

Another one not believing anyone would be stupid enough to leave all the Christmas presents, plus purse and bank cards, in a car - I mean, come on.

Hirsutefirs · 31/01/2020 22:59

They do not intend to ever pay.

MarthasGinYard · 31/01/2020 23:01

Make them set up a DD I'm surprised you haven't already.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/01/2020 23:03

Another one not believing anyone would be stupid enough to leave all the Christmas presents, plus purse and bank cards, in a car - I mean, come on.

Not buying it EITHER... Hmm

Wildorchidz · 31/01/2020 23:05

Make them set up a DD I'm surprised you haven't already.

The op’s sister set up a standing order. She probably cancelled it.

Drum2018 · 31/01/2020 23:08

@MarthasGinYard op has stated "she set up a standing order in front of me so I wouldn't have to chase them and I knew I was getting the money back." Her sister has obvioulsy cancelled the standing order since then.

MarthasGinYard · 31/01/2020 23:11

Oh apologies

In that case I would be chasing it this minute

Iwannatellyouastory · 31/01/2020 23:11

Why did they need to buy Christmas gifts much less having the car stuffed with them? They have no kids of their own and you don’t borrow money to buy other adults gifts. Surely they would just say sorry things are a bit tight at the moment, okay maybe buy children in the family a small gift selection box, book, craft set something low cost like that.
Anyone else i’m either really suspicious or just not a nice person think it very coincidental that they spend a lot of borrowed money on first fixing a car then filling it with presents only to have it stolen along with handbag etc.

GreenishPurple · 31/01/2020 23:12

Are you sure their car was stolen? Seems a little convenient to me......

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 31/01/2020 23:12

Agree 100% with PP that you need to remind them before they go shopping tomorrow if you want any chance of seeing a dime this month.

Bathroom12345 · 31/01/2020 23:16

I know some people are bD with money especially when it was lent to them. However the fact you sister has actually cancelled the SO means that she won’t be paying you back anytime soon, she feels you need to understand that their car was stolen so effectively your money has gone...

What she hasn’t done of course is have the courtesy to discuss with you. You have plenty of money (in her own echo chamber) and you need to wait. It might be your parents end up paying it off.

anon2000000000 · 31/01/2020 23:21

Message and say you need them to swap it to a direct debit so the money is in your account on x date every month

Mummyshark2018 · 31/01/2020 23:25

I understand the want to help siblings. I do it quite often. However did they set up a standing order? I would give them a day or two then resend bank details with clear guidelines. How much was it for?

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/01/2020 23:27

I know, do you ever get that feeling when you dont want to believe that your relative possesses a character trait you dislike so much though?

Yup. I realised the stream of “loans” I was giving my oh so down on his luck younger brother was enabling him and his piss poor approach to keeping on top of his life and making him increasingly entitled. He thought my education and job were luck and he was owed a slice. It was a horrible upsetting light bulb type moment, led to an unpleasant argument, and I haven’t given him a penny since, he got his act together and we get on much better these days.

KellyHall · 31/01/2020 23:35

I doubt there were any presents, or her purse, in the car. I can believe the car was stolen, our old house was burgled on Christmas Eve a few years ago while we were out for a short time.

Regardless of their misfortune, their non-contact with you shows a horrible lack of respect and such ungratefulness to the person who helped them in their time of need.

Surely he's been paid now too so have zero excuses for giving you nothing back twice.

Text tonight and call tomorrow. Piss taking wankers!

PrayingandHoping · 01/02/2020 02:46

If it was a standing order they set up with u there then they have deliberately cancelled it. It's not a matter of them forgetting to do a transfer.

Message her with the standing order hasn't come through for dec of jan. See what the response is

AlwaysCheddar · 01/02/2020 08:01

Text them!

Original poster
Tatty101 · 01/02/2020 08:03

The car was definitely stolen. I was in the house when it happened, when the police arrived and my parents were there when they got it back. I also saw the presents in the car when I was helping them in with their bags (we all visit my parents on Christmas Eve).

The loan wasn't for Christmas per se, Christmas was part of it but my DSis needed some dental treatment which was band 3 so £250ish, the car had some major fault and they had to pay £800ish to fix whatever it was (sorry, not very knowledgeable on cars!) and they had the delay in her partner getting paid. Again, all of these things were true and I know that for a fact (I.e. my friend is their mechanic, I picked my DSis up after the dental work etc).

They just seem to have decided to pretend it didnt happen. I'm really upset by it tbh - I dont like to think they'd take money they have no intention of paying back and yet they've not responded to my message from last night (as of yet) and there is still no money in my account.

The payment plan was to pay it all off by end of April as I'm remortgaging and that was the money I'd saved to pay off a lump sum to hopefully get a better rate.

OP posts:
Ukholidaysaregreat · 01/02/2020 08:10

They work full time and they live with your parents. They should be rolling in money. I think they must both struggle with budgeting. As they say don't lend money you can't afford to loose.

Weepingwillows12 · 01/02/2020 08:11

I think you need a chat. It's the lack of communication that would be the problem for me. If they had rung and explained things then you would all have been clear and could have agreed a plan together. It's a bit disrespectful to just assume it's fine. Do you need the money by April or can you be flexible? It does sound like they have had a run of bad luck. I would call and tell them it's not on and what is their plan. And definitely they shouldn't be shopping!

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