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Original poster

WWYD - sister and money

145 replies

Tatty101 · 31/01/2020 21:36

My DSis and her partner approached me just before Christmas to ask for a large 4 figure loan. The reasons were my DSis' partner was starting a new job and had to work a month before getting paid, some emergency dental work, their car had had an expensive break down and the Christmas period was fast approaching.

They both live with my parents, are mid-20s, no kids.

I agreed on the basis that they were clearly very much in need, that I was lucky enough to have the cash available and that they committ to a payment plan which they created and agreed to. The first payment was due on 31st Dec but my DSis' partner's car was stolen on Christmas Eve. Neither of them asked me if they could delay the first payment but needless to say, I did not receive anything on the payment date. This didnt massively worry me as I know they had a lot of extra costs due to the theft.

The second payment was due today. I have not received anything. I'm now massively regretting lending the money and I'm wondering about what to do next. Would you just assume they are planning to pay once they get the car stuff sorted or would you start chasing now? I dont want to be insensitive as I know having a car stolen (with all their Xmas presents in the boot!) is a huge deal but to not even mention anything is worrying me ...

Not to dripfeed: my DSis had financial problems a number of years ago. I and my parents helped her out and she paid it all back. This was about 5 years ago.

OP posts:
Jupiters · 03/02/2020 22:37

This sounds like she's fobbed you right off. I strongly suspect something else will have happened when bonus time comes around... There is little chance you'll see that money back.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 03/02/2020 22:39

She’s getting a four figure bonus when she only earns £21k?

Nah.

She is playing you!

BackforGood · 03/02/2020 22:40

Not sure why you would trust that promise, as she has already missed two months payments from what she promised you in the first place Confused.
She didn't have money to make that repayment, yet did have money to spend a day 'shopping'.

Why on earth would you agree to this ??

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General money
wibdib · 03/02/2020 22:47

I would ask them both to pay weekly installments of £100? £200? a week each in the interim just so they don't conveniently forget that they need to get the money for you and then have issues with the bonus etc so at least you're getting some money trickling in, even if it's not everything - if it's tricky then yes, it's tricky for them, it's unfortunate that they had a run of bad luck but that doesn't make you responsible for making life nice and easy for them again.

Did you find out what they'd bought when out shopping at the weekend? And why they thought that [frivilous/extra etc] things were more important that paying you back? Toothpaste - fine. New pair of work trousers as old ones have ripped - fine. new pair of trousers as they're so lovely and a good deal - not fine. out drinking and partying and p aying £££ for drinks, entrance, food etc - not fine. and so on.

PrayingandHoping · 03/02/2020 22:48

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets makes a very good point about the unrealistic amount of bonus and remember she'll have tax taken off it too!

Sounds a far fetched promise.

PanamaPattie · 03/02/2020 23:17

There's no bonus.

ChristmasCarcass · 03/02/2020 23:29

“she's paying the loan back in one lump sum out of a bonus from work in a few months”

Translation: Shut up about this for a few months, by which time I will have “forgotten” what you’re talking about.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2020 23:51

How does a non-specific “few months” fit with your own mortgage plans?

What was her explanation for the two missing payments?

Wilmalovescake · 04/02/2020 00:02

What a load of bollocks.

TorkTorkBam · 04/02/2020 00:11

Why can't she pay back monthly now and then keep her bonus?

PigletJohn · 04/02/2020 01:09

"We spoke and she's paying the loan back in one lump sum out of a bonus from work in a few months"

yeah, right.

Until then, she needs to pay the monthly installments.

BTW, I am the son of a Nigerian Prince and I have millions of dollars in a frozen account. Can you lend me a thousand to pay the bank fees and get it out?

IggyAce · 04/02/2020 01:33

Sorry I would insist that she sticks to the repayment plan, there will be more excuses when it’s bonus time.
Just curious did they sort out replacement Christmas gifts for everyone once the insurance money was paid?

AlwaysCheddar · 04/02/2020 04:30

She’s not getting a bonus .. bollocks.

Blackbear19 · 04/02/2020 05:25

OP shes taking the piss!

My guess you have discussed your savings / mortgage plans at some point. They think that you are rolling in it and treating you with contempt.

Come up with a crisis of your own, you need the money back now. Tell them to get a bank loan.

I have a sneaky suspicion that they have many debts to many people. Those who shout loudest are the ones who are being paid back.

The bonus is a figment of imagination designed to get you off her case for a few months. I wouldn't be so accepting of the situation. Few months will have another crisis and bonus won't appear.

Turangawaewae · 04/02/2020 05:48

Did she rebuy the Xmas presents? Or did you all just let her off?

Ghostontoast · 04/02/2020 08:03

Sadly, your sis and her partner are cheeky fuckers of the highest order and I bet you won’t see any that money again.

I’m guessing she hasn’t coughed up for the holiday either (you paid the deposit right) and it’s going to infuriate you watching them glug fancy cocktails and eating steaks while you are carefully budgeting.

Please learn from this and don’t mention when you have any savings in the future as she’ll have them with some sob story. (I learnt this lesson after someone “found” my building society savings book and then “needed” that money and wouldn’t stop hassling me for it.)

Good luck!

CoraPirbright · 04/02/2020 08:15

She’s getting a four figure bonus when she only earns £21k?

Nah.

She is playing you!

^^ what Yippee said.

Imok · 04/02/2020 08:18

She has no intention of paying you. You said you have everything in writing. If that is the case I would be telling her that unless she starts to pay the agreed amount every month, plus the missed payments, I would be taking them to the small claims court. And I would do it. If she is earning £21k, plus whatever her partner earns, And they are living with your parents, they should definitely be able to afford to repay this amount.
Why is their car insurance taking so long? I've known two people have cars stolen from their drives within the last two months. In both cases the insurance paid out within a week.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/02/2020 08:24

Oh dear!

Next, OP, you will be the nasty one, demanding her hard earned money when you don't actually need it. You will not be a nice person when you are reduced to demanding the cash back! No matter what your reasoning you will be depriving her... get your head around that now and stand up for yourself!

Go back to her and tell her that you simply do not believe her bonus staory and want the money now, 2 payments that are overdue and for the SO to be reinstated. They have little outgoings, an insurance pay out and 2 wages... they can easily afford it!

Have that conversation in front of your parents, if necessary! And yes, use the paperwork you have to tell her very plainly, that she can expect a Letter Before Action and a CCJ if she doesn't pay up! You have no need to 'play nice' as she is deliberately choosing to deprive you of the life you are earning! Why let her do that?

Think that through... why are you and your parents allowing her to do this?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 04/02/2020 08:30

I wouldn't accept that as she may well earmark some of that 'bonus' for other incidentals instead of clearing her outstanding loan.

I would propose another solution, she pay back X amount per month and when she gets her bonus, she pays all of whatever is outstanding at that point. Should mean that she doesn't have to hand over all of her bonus but it does mean that you're not left wondering and in a very precarious position at that time....

Renegotiate those terms and don't leave until you're happy. She on the other hand can be an inconvenienced as you like as she has put herself in this position by late payments and taking liberties.

Good luck!

Original poster
Tatty101 · 04/02/2020 08:57

Thanks all for the advice.

The bonus is genuine and I've seen the paperwork to confirm it. The bonus is due to be paid before my remortgage date, and I've told her the remortgage date is earlier than it is so if something does happen with the bonus, she'll have to find the money elsewhere. This has also been told to both of them.

You're all right on the her taking the mick point and I won't be lending her any further money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tatty101 · 04/02/2020 08:58

Oh, and no I didn't pay for her holiday or deposit and as far as I know, she doesn't owe anyone else (of course, I doubt she'd tell me if she did but just to address someone's point earlier)

OP posts:
norealshepherds · 04/02/2020 09:00

There’s nothing you can do now but she clearly takes the mick, so learn from this and don’t borrow her any money in the future

ShatnersWig · 04/02/2020 09:00

Oh OP you're a fool.

Did she cancel the standing order?? If she did then she knew full well what she was doing. You should have insisted she take out a loan to pay you back and she could then pay the bank back.

BonnesVacances · 04/02/2020 09:03

Can you make her set up a bank transfer for the day the bonus is due to be paid? So she doesn't have time to spend it on something else?