WWYD - sister and money

[Tatty101]

My DSis and her partner approached me just before Christmas to ask for a large 4 figure loan. The reasons were my DSis' partner was starting a new job and had to work a month before getting paid, some emergency dental work, their car had had an expensive break down and the Christmas period was fast approaching.

They both live with my parents, are mid-20s, no kids.

I agreed on the basis that they were clearly very much in need, that I was lucky enough to have the cash available and that they committ to a payment plan which they created and agreed to. The first payment was due on 31st Dec but my DSis' partner's car was stolen on Christmas Eve. Neither of them asked me if they could delay the first payment but needless to say, I did not receive anything on the payment date. This didnt massively worry me as I know they had a lot of extra costs due to the theft.

The second payment was due today. I have not received anything. I'm now massively regretting lending the money and I'm wondering about what to do next. Would you just assume they are planning to pay once they get the car stuff sorted or would you start chasing now? I dont want to be insensitive as I know having a car stolen (with all their Xmas presents in the boot!) is a huge deal but to not even mention anything is worrying me ...

Not to dripfeed: my DSis had financial problems a number of years ago. I and my parents helped her out and she paid it all back. This was about 5 years ago.

So who did pay for her holiday? She had the money for that?

What happened to the standing order? Did she cancel it? Knowing it would fuck you up.

Are you not going to receive ANYTHING until this mystery bonus?

What paperwork did you see? I'm massively intrigued what job she has to get such a hefty bonus. I've worked in some generous places but hell she must be a really good employee.

Op - there is nothing worse than reading a thread about a CF especially when they are family and the op is too kind/trusting to see they're being used.

Read the thread. How many people here think your sister will pay you back?

Hope I'm wrong but I will be amazed if you see a penny of that bonus.

I really appreciate you all being concerned and I totally agree she's been playing it massively.

She did cancel the SO, apparently she texted me about changing the arrangement from monthly to one lump sum but I never received that ... (and yes, words were had about this and how she wouldn't be able to play these games had it been a bank loan)

The holiday was booked in the summer and they paid their own deposit.

I saw the email confirmation of her performance rating for the year, the bonus that comes with that and the date it is due to be paid. As I say, there's some time between this date and my remortgage date incase she doesnt pay up.

There's a SO in place for the day she receives the bonus (not massively comforting as she obviously cancelled the previous one) but my parents are also aware so hopefully they can provide some back up.

It was a really difficult conversation and noone got away with anything. It was quite frank and tbh, I'm pretty sure the relationship will never be the same again. As people suggested, she seems to think that I have all the money in the world because of owning the house (which obviously means I have a mortgage and therefore less disposable income but hey)

Can’t imagine this ever ending well

Oh. So she decided to change the loan arrangement by herself then did she? You didn't get a say in that.

My arse she sent a text.

But that's not the point. She changed the arrangement without discussing it with you. Because she's the little princess who gets what she wants.

She cancelled it before. Sorry but my bets on her cancelling it again. Why wouldn't she. She doesn't care how it affects you

Did you parents know she was out shopping this weekend when she'd cancelled your standing order? I say that cos princesses don't usually get to this point without a bit of aiding and abetting.

My guess is this goes way back. She is used to getting what she wants and you're used to being the sensible one who's worked hard for everything. If so your parents are likely to be blinkered to it all.

They'll probably bail her out though. Sorry. I don't think any relationship will come out of this unscathed.

You know you’ll never get the money.

Well I'm probably disagreeing with the majority but I think you've handled this badly. She's your sister, she had a horrendous time and you've made it much worse and damaged your relationship. Over money. Totally unnecessary. All it needed was a quick word when the dust had settled from all the shit that went on.

We spoke and she's paying the loan back in one lump sum out of a bonus from work in a few months

Bullshit.
She is continuing to play you and has thrown you a carrot to keep you off her back for a month or two.

well that's why is it always 'only money' to the person who owes it?

All the sympathy in the world, OP. Stay firm, and get your parents onside.

Bonuses get taxed so hope she's taken that into account.

How much did you lend her? About £1500? Surely they could pay that back between them in one month and live it frugally?

I can't see why a couple with a combined income of approx £40k (based on your sisters wage) can't start paying you back £100pw?

I can't believe your sister has treated you like this, and I'm inclined to think you might not see your money again - she sounds too entitled to consider that you can't afford to lose it.

Lesson learnt I guess - she could have put the tooth/cat repairs on a credit card - not sure why you got involved and offered to lend the money, they've got no outgoings compared to most people so probably have more disposable money than you?

YesThats the OP was reluctant to have a difficult conversation after being messed about by her sister. What idiot leaves Christmas presents, plus their purse and other stuff in a car overnight? The sister and her partner should have been insured and should at least have had the decency to let the OP know about the unilateral changes to the re-payment of the interest free loan.

When is the bonus meant to come? Interested to see if it's paid back.

@Tatty101 hey OP, sorry to reignite an old thread, but just wondering if your sister paid you as planned, and everything worked out? I’ve been wondering about this thread, as of course, Covid-19 hit, and I hoped it didn’t mean you didn’t receive the money again.

Oh yes. I was over invested in this too.
Wonder if op ever got her money as the bonus was due in April.
Bet the lockdown has meant she can’t pay it back

I remember reading this and wondering when the payment would come in #overinvested

I hope you got your money back.

No doubt the sister would have had a (possibly genuine) COVID-19 related excuse over the last few months and the OPs still stuck because she couldn't possibly try and recover the money from her 'poor' DSis during a global pandemic.

I wonder if a discussion involving the parents as mediators/observers would help? Get the CF sister to realise that she should absolutely prioritise repaying the OPs money ASAP and to stop with the excuses.

After all, as a PP puts it 'They work full time and they live with your parents. They should be rolling in money'. WTF are they doing with it all?

I guess I was over invested in the thread too. It is a bit of a lesson that it’s probably better to gift money (not loan), or not at all. As now the OP may have missed out on paying the sum of her mortgage, and impacting her mortgage negotiation in April. It’s hard to keep family relationships undamaged when this happens.

Whereas if the sister had gone to a bank, the OP could be supporting her sister, with no financial detriment if she couldn’t pay.