Just made a massive fool of myself

[pyjamas89]

Walked out to the carpark with a colleague as Ieft the office this evening. Approaching my car noticed some bad damage to one side where someone has presumably driven into it. I was having a rant and my colleague was making the right kind of sympathetic noises. My colleague headed off and I then found I couldn't open my car door... Because it wasn't my car!

I'm switching between my cheeks burning to thinking it's hilarious to being delighted I won't have to pay to have it mended! Please come and make me feel less silly by regaling me with tales of your moments of making a fool of yourself?!

Oh gosh. Just thank your lucky stars!

My cringeworthy situations all involve opening my mouth when I should keep it shut. The last one was giving my unwanted opinion to someone who was in bits because their marriage had just broken up, about it being a new start or some shit. She didn't say anything. So I'll say it - just shut up, Miranda.

Does your colleague know it wasnt your car. Chill with a we all make a tit of ourselves sometimes.

That's a win, your car is fine! My car is damaged on both sides because I struggle with pillars and tight spaces in underground carparks

@HappyHammy only because I messaged and told her! She is thoughtful and definitely would have asked me if I had managed to get it mended ok! 😂

I once started slagging someone off having the cheek to park on our drive , went to open my door and it wasn’t even my house !!! We’d recently moved in and was getting use to everything and the houses look very similar either side of us . So embarrassing I couldn’t believe it !

@itsemily thank you, that was just the kind of story I was hoping for! 😁 How long did it take you to live it down?!

On a hen party with lots of girls I didn't know. I was slating an area of my home town for being rough and one of the girls chimes back 'oh I live there'. I tried to back track but the damage was done.

To be fair it is rough.

@pyjamas89 too long !! Been here almost a year and my friends and neighbours still laugh now !

Sashaying across a dance floor in front of a massive group of guys, all of them looking - slipped off one of my huge heels and crumpled arse over tit. Yours is really very mild!

@itsemily I did that!!!! DH opened our door and asked me if I needed to turn on my map settings to find my way home to make it worse 😳😂 neighbours thought it was hilarious!!!

Today in a meeting I took my AirPods out of pocket and put them on my table... except it was one AirPod and a tampon! Took me a good minute to notice 😂

How about sidling up to your husband to give him a cuddle in a bookstore - only to realise that the man you are now molesting is not in fact, your husband?!

Invited for dinner to friends of a newish boyfriend. I’d never met them before. Drink was flowing, hosts were sorting dessert and boyfriend and I were admiring some of their lovely artwork. A couple of pieces caught my eye (because they were awful) and I whispered something like “my Son (5) could do those” to my boyfriend. Or so I thought. Boyfriend had actually moved and his friend had moved beside me to presumably hear my praise of his, yes HIS ACTUAL work. He had painted those blobby circles in primary colours himself. If the floor could have opened and swallowed me while I’d have been grateful. It didn’t. We had to carry on the rest of the painfully uncomfortable evening pretending I hadn’t stabbed him in the heart until it was time to go. They didn’t invite me back

mbosnz Oh yes, I've been there, except what I did was casually throw my arm around DP in a supermarket and affectionately pat his bottom while asking him whether he fancied pizza or pasta for dinner. Except it wasn't DP. I was molesting a total stranger, while DP looked on astonished from the other end of the aisle. The poor gentleman was extremely gracious about it, but I still burn with embarrassment when I remember the incident.

I took cash to the bank from office. Took notes out of my bag and then upended my handbag to pay in coins. Out they came overtaken by tampon which rolled at speed under the grille just beyond my reach. This was years ago when such items weren't discussed in polite company. The elderly bank teller picked it up and returned it under the grille. Difficult to say who was the more embarrassed.

itsemily and OhWell look on the bright side, at least you didn't start a parking thread

@OhWellThatsJustGreat I’m so glad I’m not the only one 🤣 @jesus oh my gosh , a CF thread 😂😂😂

Getting my pram out of the boot on the school run. Another mum parked behind me and asked if I knew my dress was tucked in my knickers.

Also went to meeting in a London government building seven months pregnant from.a hours train drive away. Got home and my trousers had split from bum to waist about eight inches. No one told me.

Not sure which incident killed me the most....

One that springs to mind is going shopping with DS when he was about 4 - I was trying to grab something when I noticed him bimbling around getting in other people's way, so barked "Out the way!" in a fairly brisk tone. Then noticed an elderly gent next to me leap back... I apologized profusely and explained, and he said, "Oh, I just do as I'm told."

I think I have also slapped a strange man's arse in a shop once thinking it was dh. But its been semi burnt out from my memory. I think I pretended I was unstable or something

Also in the supermarket

Me: give us a kiss then

Random Stranger: Alright

Me: Holy Fuck!!!

Random Stranger struggles to conceal hurt look

Haha! That’s brilliant!

One of mine (there are shockingly way too many!) was I got into my car fine with my electronic key (back when these were still quite a new thing - yes I’m old!) but weirdly someone had stolen dds car seat! I then went rifling through the glove box for the model leaflet to report to police and that’s when it became apparent...it wasn’t my car! Bit bad my key still worked though!

Walking up to my dd queuing in a shop and I start doing a thing with her hair that she likes...only for the young lady concerned to turn around and it’s not dd! Dd had left the queue to find me. Wtf the poor lady I accosted thought I don’t know! Even though I apologised profusely and explained with dd at my side looking very similar.

On MORE than one occasion sternly said something like “stop that right now!” Either to dd or mindees (Ex nanny and childminder) I must have that teacherly authority in my voice because every time the nearby adults have stopped dead too! 😂

Back when I was a teenager (so it was even more embarrassing than it would be now) I opened my bag to get something out on the bus and dropped a tampon into the aisle from where I was sitting on the raised up seats at the back of the bus. For the rest of the journey I had to endure the sight of it rolling up and down the aisle, the bastard bus was on a long straight road and I was praying for a left or right turn so it rolled under a seat.

Also my daughter was very keen on crying when she was three. I was in the garden and just sat down away from the kids for five minutes with a cup of tea for a sanity check. I heard a little toddler crying so I shouted back inside the house "please will you just let me drink my tea in peace and give me two seconds peace!" Then heard my neighbour calling his three year old inside. It wasnt my dd crying, it was my neighbour's girl

I've done it twice in the same car park recently - first time stood by the car waiting for DH to open it and he walked straight past me giving me a funny look to our car three spaces down. Last week I was pulling at a car handle and he said 'wtf are doing?' Our car was parked behind.

Don't know what's wrong with me. Both times the car was the same colour but a completely different make and model.