Starved snake

[OdeToDiazepam]

For the second time my Dsis has neglected an animal to death and I only found out yesterday.

She's recently 18 and did have a snake that used to be my brothers til she took over it's care. I'd noticed she hadn't been feeding it much from lack of seeing defrosting mice, but I never go in her room where it was and have quite a hectic life, I did ask her way back September time are you feeding the snake is it still alive and she'd said yes of course

Yesterday my DB tells me that a few weeks ago he'd gone in there to see it and the smell was horrific, it had been dead for obviously quite a while and there were about 3 rotting mice where she'd put them in, feeding a dead snake?!!!

She has form for this when years and years ago she neglected a Guinea pig, sadly to it's death too. At that time I didn't visit the house much but I did notice and was having to clean it out and kept telling her to look after it but she didn't.

I've told her today that her actions are disgusting and illegal and she's never to own an animal again, if she does I'll report her. I honestly think it's an extreme case of laziness and irresponsibility

Which sounds narkier than I meant. But I think your family would really benefit from some more professional and in-depth support than this thread.

It sounds like all you siblings had rough childhood's in different ways.
💐

The only think you can do OP is take responsibility for what you can change and affect. That includes your own mental health.

Don’t waste time trying to attribute fault and directly so much anger towards your sister. I suspect some of that is projection.

I really feel for you.

Ignore the simplistic idiots who are incapable of feeling any empathy for more than one person at a time.

Life is not like a fairytale with goodies and baddies, humans are much more complex than that.

I really hope you come through this phase of your life and start to thrive, even the fact that you are fleeing DV has not made some posters stop and think.

Equally however, your sister sounds as though she could very well have attachment issues/trauma, she also suffered bereavement at a very young age. It's great that you normally get on and spend time together. Do you think you could have some difficult conversations and give each other permission to be really honest? Face up to the resentments like 'they had it easier' etc?

Please don't feel down, despite a difficult beginning you've clearly managed to carve out a life for yourself with work, education etc. Be kind to yourself (and your sister)

Sorry that you lost your mum

OP, I think you're getting a really hard time here. I agree with others that your sister may need more support than she's currently getting, but equally I don't think you're responsible for the snake's death.

Interested to know what the RSPCA's response to your enquiry is.

OP -

1. The snakes death not your responsibility.

2. your sister was not responsible for the guinea pigs death. 12 year olds are children and to be looked after by the parent, all all that goes with it, guinea pig included.

3. your sister from a very young age lost her mother, had a father who had such sever MH issues she was sent to live with someone else, this alone would explain what seems to be a severe decline in her own MH.

Get your sister and father some support from Adult Social services. They are not coping. No matter how you view your sister from the outside, she clearly does not feel comfortable to tell you what's going on on the inside.

There is a difference between Lazy behaviour from personality and 'Lazy' behaviour from poor mental health.

like I said before we actually get on quite well usually

I'm sorry, I missed that.

It isn't your fault the snake died, and your anger is understandable. You are all doing the best you can with what is a shitty set of circumstances.

I hope your sister gets some help and FireCarrier is right, I and others haven't extended any of the empathy to you, and I am genuinely sorry for that. You deserve kindness too. I wish your family the best of luck.

So your sister experienced her mums death at the age of three and was then basically removed from the family home and went to live with this friend/nanny? That is a very traumatic thing to happen.

Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences shows that the earlier an ACE occurs in a child's life, the bigger impact it has. This is because older children have more understanding than younger children. So your mums death, in itself, had a bigger impact on your sister. She also missed out on 9 years of maternal love and affection in comparison to you. It's not helpful to compare though as resilience varies so much.

I'm sorry that this thread has shone light on your childhood, realising how dysfunctional your childhood was is always hard.

Be kind to yourself. And to your sister

Your sister has caused the death of two animals. It is indefensible cruelty and she is an adult. She needs to learn there are consequences for her actions. Report her to the authorities. She should be banned from having any more pets.

Report her to the authorities

What do you think will actually happen? There’s no evidence.

Maybe the snake just died of natural causes. While it wasn't being fed. What do you think is the best response to animal cruelty?

You clearly haven't read the thread Bovary.