Starved snake

[OdeToDiazepam]

For the second time my Dsis has neglected an animal to death and I only found out yesterday.

She's recently 18 and did have a snake that used to be my brothers til she took over it's care. I'd noticed she hadn't been feeding it much from lack of seeing defrosting mice, but I never go in her room where it was and have quite a hectic life, I did ask her way back September time are you feeding the snake is it still alive and she'd said yes of course

Yesterday my DB tells me that a few weeks ago he'd gone in there to see it and the smell was horrific, it had been dead for obviously quite a while and there were about 3 rotting mice where she'd put them in, feeding a dead snake?!!!

She has form for this when years and years ago she neglected a Guinea pig, sadly to it's death too. At that time I didn't visit the house much but I did notice and was having to clean it out and kept telling her to look after it but she didn't.

I've told her today that her actions are disgusting and illegal and she's never to own an animal again, if she does I'll report her. I honestly think it's an extreme case of laziness and irresponsibility

My dad bought me the horse

Trainspotting please take care to read my posts accurately. I didn't know she was starving it, and when the guinea pig was at the house i was not, i was living seperately and didn't visit often

it was a snake and 3 mice in a closed vivarium in a closed room, no corpses are lying around the house freely

Yes most 18 years should and could look after a pet, but you can’t absolve yourself of that fact by saying you didn’t do anything because edge is an adult and perfectly capable.
Most adults/parents are perfectly capable of looking after children, but we still have social services who step in when it’s obvious a child is not being cared for properly. No one says ‘well I thought she was neglecting them but as she’s a adult I left her to it’ no - people step in to protect the defenceless and to provide help to the carer and if that doesn’t help the defenceless child is taken into care.
You had a responsibility to either teach your sister to look after the pet or if she couldn’t to take the pet away

She is a young woman who has experienced significant trauma, has a mental health diagnosis and has not been well supported by the adults with a responsibility to care for her.
What happened to the snake is very sad but hardly shocking given the full history that OP has explained.

OP do you actually think she is evil? Do you really think she is so cruel and heartless that she just didn't bother feeding her snake and happily watched it die?

If you thought she was capable of such cold cruelty why on earth did anyone leave her with a pet? If you didn't think she was capable of doing what she did, doesn't that suggest to you a serious mental health problem?

I don't think even a sociopath would sleep in a room with the smell of rotten corpses.

I didn't think she was capable no, hence why i didn't insist on checking for myself and trusted her when she told me it was ok, which i obviously very much regret now.

I think she has no sense of responsibility whatsoever and should never have an animal again

How can people call her a cunt and so on? I am a massive animal lover, but for fuck's sake. All you have to do is read this thread to see that this isn't some sociopath on the lose killing animals. It's a young woman, a just turned adult, let down by those around her with a childhood of trauma and a sister who thinks she is fine because she had it easier than her. If people can't see that than I despair!

OP I do think you are having an unfair time here.
With an 18 year old it is reasonable to show them respect and not go into their space if they request it.
Regarding the Guinea pig your sister had as a child, that was when she was under the charge of your father and the nanny. It was their responsibility to ensure its wellbeing. You give a child a pet to learn to look after it but you cannot expect them to be entirely responsible, they are a minor , this would imply an adult carer has the final responsibility. The Guinea pig is sort of unconnected, except it died, but who was keeping check of a child??
Many children are lazy and disinterested and live in tips of a bedroom. This is normal.
Why did your brother have a snake that he suddenly didnt want. This is odd. Is it easy come easy go? If he didnt want it he should have properly rehomed it. It should be made very clear that no pets are now happening for either of them as they arent committed for whatever reason.
I do wonder if they are attracted to the idea of an animal for companionship and love but find it isnt what is expected so the interest goes. They are looking for a new figure to live as they are missing your mother? Until this is addressed they will always make inappropriate choices of how to try to fill the gap and they will never work.
Having an unpalatable rather due to MH issues would have caused long term attachment issues and having a nanny who never formed a truly deep attachment may be a practical substitute but is not a real substitute for meaningful relationships and understanding what and what needs to happen. The way your sister thrasheds back at you maybe means you are the only person she has some feeling for but has no idea how to deal with them as they are alien on her life.
The animal situation is clearly appalling but I think it is symptomatic of depression, confusion and deep attachment issues. These need addressing. She probably has no idea they exist and wont want to confront them so I suggest you try talking to some local counselling sources or your gp for leads and explain about the animals to help get taken seriously.
Make it very clear no more pets will be tolerated by your brother sister of father and if they defy you , you will report them to the RSPCA regarding the snake situation and the penalties will be on them. Your sister will need to find new ways of coping. An engaging activity where she meets a sold group of honest people would be an excellent start. She needs a supportive environment to stop relying on quick fixes.

I think she has no sense of responsibility whatsoever and should never have an animal again

And do you think that’s her fault? Those qualities don’t just appear when you’re 18 and you decide whether you want them or not. They’re fostered in you throughout your childhood by your caregivers. The fact she doesn’t have them means she was never taught them. She didn’t just decide to be the sort of person who lets animals die aged 12. She has been massively failed by those responsible for her.

I think she has no sense of responsibility whatsoever and should never have an animal again

Even a person with no sense of responsibility wouldn't sleep in a room with animal corpses. Come on!

Your father was too mentally unwell to ensure your sister looked after the Guinea pig or to have you at home but was well enough to negotiate buying you a horse and arranging its livery just after your mother's death?

And why on earth did your brother leave the snake in her care and you didn't take proactive measures to check on its welfare? You said upthread you've gone into her room on occasion.

I think she has no sense of responsibility whatsoever and should never have an animal again

I agree but that doesn’t erase the fact she really needs proper MH help. This goes beyond “just” anxiety.

The level of denial is scary.

Are you sure she starved it to death? You say mice were being defrosted, then it stopped, then you confronted her and a few mice were defrosted and it was found dead with decomposing mice.
Are you sure it didn’t die for another reason and she didn’t know how to tell anyone/deal with it? Social anxiety may have had an impact on that.
You say she was protected from the death of her mum because she was 3 and someone was paid to feed her and take her to school. Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?

I don’t think Joan was being “woke” up thread at all I think she made a very valid point.

I appreciate you take care of your animals but you don’t seem capable of extending the same empathy towards your Dsis

Correction - periodically you tell her to take the rubbish out of her room. I suppose you could do that without actually going in, but I don't understand why you don't see that her living in squalor isn't normal and that it should be worthy of more concern.

Yes I think it's more likely that it died for another reason and she didn't know how to deal with the situation.

Sooty you're conflating two things there that were years and years apart

i think it's more likely she neglected it to the point of death given it was a young, healthy snake that usually lives up to like 20 years apparently, and she would have said that in her defence.

the horse was bought for me after my mum died before he got really unwell, then through my teenage years were the bad years, i moved out at 16, it was after that that she got the guinea pig

Maybe she thought no one would listen to her? It's clear that you don't like her much and there is resentment there.

OP she is so unwell she is sleeping in a room with rotting animals creating a significant stench.
How on earth is she going to be well enough to know what this snake died of?
She has no vet experience to draw on.
She may well have starved it, it could have died on thirst or an illness. It is all guess work.

like I said before we actually get on quite well usually

Are you getting anything helpful from this thread? I'm wondering if some family therapy might be a more productive way to spend your time.

No not really as now i just feel really down about my whole messed up life