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Original poster

Starved snake

312 replies

OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 20:37

For the second time my Dsis has neglected an animal to death and I only found out yesterday.

She's recently 18 and did have a snake that used to be my brothers til she took over it's care. I'd noticed she hadn't been feeding it much from lack of seeing defrosting mice, but I never go in her room where it was and have quite a hectic life, I did ask her way back September time are you feeding the snake is it still alive and she'd said yes of course

Yesterday my DB tells me that a few weeks ago he'd gone in there to see it and the smell was horrific, it had been dead for obviously quite a while and there were about 3 rotting mice where she'd put them in, feeding a dead snake?!!!

She has form for this when years and years ago she neglected a Guinea pig, sadly to it's death too. At that time I didn't visit the house much but I did notice and was having to clean it out and kept telling her to look after it but she didn't.

I've told her today that her actions are disgusting and illegal and she's never to own an animal again, if she does I'll report her. I honestly think it's an extreme case of laziness and irresponsibility

OP posts:
YasssKween · 17/01/2020 22:24

My point is that I don't think her problems or past is an excuse for what she's done

Excuses and reasons are very different.

There's never an excuse to let an animal died, ever.

There is however a reason behind why your sister allowed it to happen.

And that reason needs to be explored so that she can function better and also not hurt animals / people / herself into her adult life.

It sucks that it's you who always has to step up by the sounds of it. But that's how it is at the moment - I would suggest getting her some help / assessment / support ASAP because in the long run everyone will benefit.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:24

She is disgusting for neglecting an animal. Like I said, mh issues and a bad past are NOT an excuse for animal cruelty

OP posts:
weaselwomble · 17/01/2020 22:24

Wow you really think its some sort of competition between you both and that you're a much better person, don't you?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Other pets & animals
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:25

And I will stand by that, like I said I've had a lot more serious mh conditions than her and I've managed to not kill any animals

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:25

For not killing an animal? Erm yes Hmm

OP posts:
Helpfullilly · 17/01/2020 22:26

Okay, well I've had a shit childhood too, OP. My brother did as well but he was younger and I thought more protected than me. I used to feel resentment at times that he had it better and was protected (including by me).

But then I had counselling for my issues and as I talked through what happened to me we talked about my brother, where he was and how he might have felt...and it was so bad. He'd be crying in the background ect while I tried to handle stuff. If I don't factor myself in but imagine he was a random eight year old instead of comparing to myself...

I realised he'd been hurt too. It's not a competition. He's got a different character, he's not necessarily as strong willed as me and so on... in some cases it's just a different reaction.

I can see now it's clearly damaged him, and actually we were pushed apart by our upbringing, when its something we share and we should be supporting each other with as the only people with an insight into what that home was really like, and as siblings.

You are still looking at this like a mistreated and neglected child, jealous of others greater supposed love and protection, not as an adult.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:27

I'm angry about the way she's lied to me and then neglected an animal to the point of death, Yes I'm struggle to feel empathetic about it

OP posts:
Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:28

“I’ve had it a lot worse than her”

You are pretty self absorbed. It’s almost as if you think sympathy for her will take away from what you need.

For someone to neglect an animal that way, I’d suggest that something is wrong with her and that could be a product of her upbringing.

Just because you manage something, it doesn’t mean someone else can also.

We are all different people and react to trauma in different ways.

Quartz2208 · 17/01/2020 22:28

She didn't have to go through bereavement and then some serious issues at home that I won't go in to

How come - because being your sister one would assume she did just at a much earlier age. It could have seemed that she coped much better because she was younger but its clear that she isnt at all

Plus you dont actually know she neglected it to death. It could have died and she was unable to cope with that fact so went on feeding it as if it was alive. Actually given what you are saying her reactions are this is perfectly feasible that she is in denial about it all

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:28

So by pp reasoning because I've had difficult times and mh issues I'm perfectly justified in neglecting and killing animals, and I can then expect sympathy from you because I just need support

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:30

Yes a self absorbed person who manages my responsibilities and takes care of my animals, children and my dad.. sure I'm so wrapped up in myself

OP posts:
BecauseReasons · 17/01/2020 22:30

Bore off @BecauseReasons - this young woman needs firm boundaries and if this needs to come from the law then so be it. HTH you fuck.

This teenager clearly has issues that getting in legal trouble are unlikely to resolve. It looks like you've realised that though- it tends to be the case that people who feel they've lost the argument resort to personal insults.

Pingue · 17/01/2020 22:30

She needs professional help. Normal people don’t do things like that. You need to get her to a GP.

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2020 22:31

Managing responsibility is much harder when you have mental health issues. Are you seriously not concerned your sister isn’t coping with life?

Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:31

So by pp reasoning because I've had difficult times and mh issues I'm perfectly justified in neglecting and killing animals, and I can then expect sympathy from you because I just need support

Again, all about you.

You can’t even dredge sympathy for your own sister who lost her mother at 3.

I bet, I bet 100% that even if she hadn’t neglected these animals, you’d still harbour resentment towards her. This just gives you a nice excuse to be nasty towards her.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:31

She was 3 so was very much sheltered from many things

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:32

She copes with her a levels, Job and applying for unis, sees friends etc

OP posts:
Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:32

How do you know?

At the age of 3, I was aware and a victim of some horrible events and being 3 I didn’t understand or know how to process them. I’ve carried them with me until childhood.

Sheltered my arse.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:32

She was because she wasn't in the house for some very traumatic experiences

OP posts:
Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:33

I suggest you have counselling and explore the reasons for your feelings towards your sister.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:33

Where's all your sympathy for an animal that's been killed by neglect I feel it's lacking

OP posts:
Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:33

So? It doesn’t mean she didn’t herself have trauma growing up.

Helpfullilly · 17/01/2020 22:33

I'm angry about the way she's lied to me and then neglected an animal to the point of death, Yes I'm struggle to feel empathetic about it

And it's normal to be angry about what has happened, it's terrible. She should have taken care of the snake.

But I think you can be angry about that and hold her to account, while still being concerned about her and what lead to this. That you are not does not seem to me and others to be a normal reaction to a sibling in the circumstances you describe.

This makes me think family counselling might help, because your family sounds as if it's suffered at lot of things that haven't been properly dealt with or resolved, and now you all have different issues (you said you have MH issues too), and an unhealthy family dynamic. You sound resentful of her and I know for me I had a similar warped mindset because I got brought up fighting for some basic things.

Iggly · 17/01/2020 22:34

I have sympathy for your sister and the animal.

I can manage multiple outlets of sympathy.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 17/01/2020 22:35

Well like I said

I believe that issues are not an excuse for animal cruelty, and neither does the courts thankfully

OP posts:
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