Starved snake

[OdeToDiazepam]

For the second time my Dsis has neglected an animal to death and I only found out yesterday.

She's recently 18 and did have a snake that used to be my brothers til she took over it's care. I'd noticed she hadn't been feeding it much from lack of seeing defrosting mice, but I never go in her room where it was and have quite a hectic life, I did ask her way back September time are you feeding the snake is it still alive and she'd said yes of course

Yesterday my DB tells me that a few weeks ago he'd gone in there to see it and the smell was horrific, it had been dead for obviously quite a while and there were about 3 rotting mice where she'd put them in, feeding a dead snake?!!!

She has form for this when years and years ago she neglected a Guinea pig, sadly to it's death too. At that time I didn't visit the house much but I did notice and was having to clean it out and kept telling her to look after it but she didn't.

I've told her today that her actions are disgusting and illegal and she's never to own an animal again, if she does I'll report her. I honestly think it's an extreme case of laziness and irresponsibility

The family friend was very involved and close with her and still has a relationship with her, she was part of their family for years essentially

I’m guessing using empathy and common sense 🤷🏻‍♀️

No one taught her that living things need to be loved and cared for.

It doesn't even sound like she was taught she deserved to be loved and cared for.

That doesn't make what she did okay. I'd be furious if my brother did this, and I'd prob feel some guilt and anger at myself for not putting the pieces together, regardless of how much it was/was not my fault. Which would likely feed my anger at him.

But I'd also, after having gone nuts at him, I'd be asking 'are you okay? this isn't normal, what is wrong and how can I help?'

Because I love my brother. I care about how he lives and if he's taking care of himself. If he were living like your sister I'd be really worried, and trying to get him to go with me to the GP, counselling, offering to help clean up with him to give a clean slate, in case he was unwell and it had all got to be too much.

I'd use this incident as a sort of wake up call things HAD to change, because of how awful it is, and that he needed to get help and change his attitude and life, because it should not have happened. I'd be worried not just about him, but how his actions might cause future harm if the underlying issues were not dealt with (to future kids especially).

So, that's what I am personally comparing too, and I am struggling to understand where you are coming from because of this.

If you are escaping DV, though, and struggling with you own mental health, is it partly you just do not have mental capacity and wellness yourself to deal with her/this?

Because I would totally understand that.

The family friend was very involved and close with her and still has a relationship with her, she was part of their family for years essentially

But didn’t know she had a guinea pig.

The family friend was very involved and close with her

Yet got her a guinea pig and let it starve to death?

I disagree that she's so unwell she couldn't help what she did

You don't see her laughing and acting like a totally normal 18 yr old functioning day to day like someone with relatively ok mh

It was diy livery so I did have sole care yes and I got him just after my mum died

People mean that at that age, parents / responsible adults should be involved and aware enough of the pets life that ultimately they have the responsibility.

It's lovely you were able to take care of your animals, it really is. But if you had done something wrong or not taken care of them properly, the responsibility would have ultimately been with the adult caring for you if they hadn't been frequently checking up.

That doesn't mean everyone is accusing YOU when it came to the Guinea Pig, they're explaining that yes while you feel she should have been able to have responsibility for her guinea pig, she was ultimately a child and therefore the responsibility lies with the adults involved.

Again, NOT you. But your dad or nanny. That didn't happen and the guinea pig died which is awful. People are just saying animals lives shouldn't lie in the hands of 12 year olds, even though some are capable of looking after a pet solo.

The family friend didn't spend time at my dads house the care was in her own house

Cross-post wirebrush

I never said the nanny got her the gp so that's been made up

So she had no one caring for her when she was on her own home.

I disagree that she's so unwell she couldn't help what she did

I don't think people are saying that. I think they're saying that there's clearly something wrong here that needs addressing and that her past traumas may go some way to explaining that.

I disagree that she's so unwell she couldn't help what she did

Again, she was living with 4 rotting animal carcasses in her room. That’s not well in anyone’s book.

Yes, her behaviour itself is the indication something is seriously wrong

So who was responsible for acquiring a horse for you just after your mum died?

You've got it in your head that your sister wilfully neglects animals and that she isn't in need of support, and evidently nothing is going to make you shift on that.

Lets say she'd murdered someone instead, surely you would think that action was a sign she had something wrong with her, even if you also thought she should face consequences for her crime?

So your mum died, you got a pony and your sister got a random "nanny"?

Since a 12 year old can't buy a horse and set up livery I still would like to know who arranged it.

There is a really good kids book about filling buckets.
It explains that you cannot look after others if your bucket isn't full enough and you cannot take water out of other people's buckets to fill your own one.
Your complete lack of empathy for your sister suggests your bucket is pretty empty.
Her neglect of and lack of reaction to the death of the snake suggests your sister's bucket is also pretty empty.
Given the lack of care combined with trauma that you have both experienced this isn't that surprising.

If this is real ... I would suggest that you get help for your sister. Yes, an animal has died, but if your sister is really able to exist/sleep in a room with such a serious stench, then something is badly wrong and she needs help.

How old are your children living in this house with animal corpses????

Why would people call her a waster, lazy bitch etc?

She is 18, and clearly had a traumatic upbringing. No one who is mentally healthy sleeps in a room with animal corpses. That goes far beyond laziness.

I don't think she is a waster, or a bitch, but a very young woman who is neglecting herself and the things around her and no one is noticing the extra supports she needs.

My sister got the 'better end of the deal' than me and my brother. She didn't see as many traumatic events that we were exposed to. Her mental health is a million times worse than ours, she is the one who is affected by trauma the most. People react differently for many different reasons. It doesn't matter 'who had it worse', she clearly had it hard enough to have a profound effect on her.

Age also means very little. Three year olds might not remember but there are changes that happen in the brain after being exposed to traumatic events. Maternal stress can have an affect on a foetus.

It is awful that the snake died, but my first thought would have been to worry about my sister, not report her. I definitely think family therapy is a good way forward.

The more you post op the worse you look.

If at 12 you were experienced enough to have sole care of a horse on diy, then even at that age you will have been aware of the prevailing culture on yards, that when an owner isn't caring for one, those on the yard don't stand by and watch it starve to death. They do something. But we're meant to all understand that as an adult living in the same house you had an excuse not to do something about a family member starving their pet.

And if you want to claim at 12 you were responsible enough to be the sole carer for your pets, then you were old enough to have intervened with the guinea pig. Again, you can't have it both ways.

Excellent post @U2HasTheEdge Totally agree with you