Why can’t other mums ever met at weekends

[Notsogreen30]

I’ll start by saying I know a lot of people work ft and family time is precious and I’m kindof aiming this thread at parents of more than one kid as me and my dh found it easier to have downtime etc when we just had one dc and we were (in our case) a bit more insular.
I have a good group of really lovely friends where I live, we get on really well and in all honesty they are the nicest people you could meet. We all have a few kids each and in general we meet up the odd time with them. The thing I don’t get is that a lot if them just can’t seem to do anything recreational for themselves at the weekend. My dh and I have three young dcs and absolutely no practical support from any other family so reply on each other completely. We still exercise at the weekends , maybe go out for coffee or breakfast (on our own obvs) or just have some time out. We also just loads with our dcs and 90 percent of our time/activities is child focused etc. I don’t know what it is but I’d love to see my friends for an hour or so catch up without the kids but it’s almost impossible.
Btw before anyone says maybe they prefer being with their kids these friends often talk about how they are exhausted at the weekends , would love some headspace etc and they all spend loads of time with their kids and husbands anyway and I know what it’s like with young kids at weekends, I adore mine but it’s not hugely relaxing. Our kids also do activities at the weekends so I know that’s busy but it’s not every hour. I just find it frustrating and it would be nice to have some company sometimes.... A friend and I are trying to organize a monthly hike and loads of interest but then the “weekends are far too tricky “ etc come up and I just think in my head two hours early morning monthly?!
I get on great with all these mums so it’s not the case that they can’t stand me and don’t want to meet. And they all have husbands etc. I just don’t really get it tbh 🤷‍♀️
Just wondered if other people found it similar? ( I do have friends without kids but they don’t live near)

I think most people who work FT want to spend time with their kids at the weekend. It's hard to get time in the week so it's nice to have that time.

Why don't you suggest doing something as families? We do this often and it works so well. Normally go to someone's house and have a late lunch/ early dinner etc. Kids play together and parents can chat but you're still with the kids.

I find for me evenings best to see my friends on our own.

In our case, weekends are usually taken up with swimming lessons, birthday parties and other mundane stuff like visiting grandparents, going to B&Q, doing DIY and other stuff that we just don't get to do during the week. Obviously we do have weekends where the planets align and we end up with no plans, on those rare occasions we would tend to go out somewhere as a family for the day or similar. That said, both me and DH find time to do things outside of family stuff, he runs, I might go to the hairdresser, visit friends for lunch etc.

I totally get that if you work full time it’s nice to just have family time but the people I know all work pt/flexibly, see loads of their kids during the week and honestly I’m talking an hour or two over the whole weekend.
We do meet up with the kids but there’s loads of toddlers etc so it’s not the same. Me and some of my friends 2 year olds are very active and literally have to be followed around everywhere in people’s houses.
I still don’t get it tbh. One of my friends has no time to exercise so when I met her by chance one Saturday in the park ( I was running ). She was really wistful saying how she’d love an hour or two to go for a run. Her dh seems really reasonable and hands on . I was only out for 45 minutes that day , still had plenty of time with my family all that weekend 🤷‍♀️

It’s activities I suspect. So DS1 has a dance lesson 10:15-11:15 Saturday morning. It’s 10 minutes drive from home. If DH isn’t working he’ll have DS2 for the duration whilst I grab coffee locally. So that’s the morning more or less wiped. When both DC are older I imagine it’ll be the same but more activities.

Whilst I wouldn't necessarily mind having some time away from the kids at the weekend, I prioritise family time as I've found that when I've taken time for myself and my DH has had the equivalent time then the weekend becomes really compromised. We are already constrained by parties, nap and bedtimes, activities, seeing relatives etc so by the time we factor in this additional "solo" time then there is very limited opportunity to go out and do things as a family.

My kids also do loads of activities but still can meet someone for an hour for a walk , catch up. It’s just strange , always thought about it pre kids like why no one can meet up anymore once they have kids during the day (we do meet up in the evenings ) . Especially in my friends cases where they talk like they’d love an hour for just a quick walk or coffee (which is absolutely not the same with toddlers in tow ) .
Just got me thinking , had a few hours off work this morning and was supposed to meet my friend for a run, she couldn’t make it as had to work last min so I suggested we go tomorrow morning/afternoon but it’s impossible at the weekend. Btw I get on really well with them and the run was their idea.

With young children and working full time I was far too exhausted to do anything extra at weekends. (bad sleeping, early rising DS contributed to this). Plus, if you work full time, the weekend is the only place you can do a lot of jobs, which fills the time as well.

Perhaps your work/children are less demanding than other people's?

For me, DH works every other Sat, kids have activities meaning we are out the house from 9 till 4, then have homework. Sunday I could possibly do but we often see family, have a relaxing day, catch up on the next week,

For me, I work full time during the week so weekends are the only time I get to lay in, mooch about in my PJs and relax. I tend to meet up with friends during weekday evenings or when I take a day off during the week.
I will occasionally arrange weekend get togethers but I try not to because then I feel like ive had no time to just "be" and relax and its exhausting. I need time to re charge and I find it hard being around people all the time (am an introvert).

I think when your friends say "i cant go running!" what they really mean is "I could, but I prefer to do XYZ" which is why they cant go running. Its all about priorities and if their are different to yours then they aren't going to change. To be fair, the absolute last thing I'd want to do on a weekend off is hike.
I get why its frustrating for you but I'd try and connect with people who have the same interests eg a running group- ideal opportunity to make new friends!

Weekends with us are generally spent, whether now or in the past few years:

DH at work
Dc Tutoring
Helping DC with homework
DC Swimming lessons
Birthday parties
Visiting friends and their families (as a family) or having them round to us
Visiting relatives and their families or having them round to us
Cinema, museum, park or theatre trips
DIY and maintenance
Gardening
Meals out
Shopping
Mundane stuff like haircuts, new shoes shopping
Cooking
Laundry
General house stuff

I haven’t met up with friends on my own much since I had DC. I think it does get easier as the DC get older and more independent though.

What about suggesting doing things as a family with another family?

For me, both my DH and I work - him full time in a full on job so in the week we quite often only have an hour together each evening. As a family, in the week we have zero time together, the four of us. That's why I'm reluctant to spend weekend time away from my family. We need it to reconnect after hectic week-time!

Also the DC have separate activities so quite often we are ferrying them about separately too (so both of us are required).

That doesn't mean that I don't do stuff at weekends with my friends - of course I do and so does he. We probably have 2-3 weekends away with pals each year. But that's only 6 weekends per year.

Because at the weekend my husband (who works all week) wants to spend time with the children and we want to spend time with each other too. So, the best plan is for us to spend time together with the kids so he sees them and we see each other.

I'm not particularly keen on getting dressed properly on weekends, let alone leaving my house. Especially this time of year.

See my dcs are our worlds but they are normal demanding kids and v, v active and I am frequently woken up a night by my toddler. At home we can’t “chill” as our kids are still all pretty young so we generally go out with them or they go to football/swimming etc. The days are long though and we do have loads of diy and housework to do but I can still manage an hour or two here and there and we do swap over. I love quiet time too and am a bit of an introvert but that doesn’t exist at home with three lovely dcs so chilling in the pjs doesn’t happen anymore which is absolutely fine .
The friends I’m talking about are the ones who try and arrange runs etc and frequently talk about longing for some “adult conversation, headspace etc even for an hour and then when I say “well I’m going for a run/walk/swim/coffee Saturday morning, want to come too” act like it’s impossible for them to even do this monthly. And I know my friends, we get on well, it’s not that they don’t want to, they just seem to find it too difficult at weekends to swap over.
Me and my dh are extremely busy, spend loads of time together with dcs at weekends, evenings etc but can still manage an hour or two to swap around

Do you have young kids ohmeows?

We do spend time together like hours and hours every weekend

It's probably not that they can't meet at weekends, more that they dont want to commit to meeting at weekends and prefer to decide what to do (hike/snuggle down in bed watching TV) at the time.

I don't get this either OP. Seems to be this generation of parents who are joined at the hip to their children.
It baffles me, but I don't think you can change it.

Simple really, different priorities!

I get where you're coming from as I have friends like this too. Some won't even do anything in terms of meeting up with DC in tow, as family time at weekends is sacrosanct and even if they don't work f/t their OH generally does and they want to spend time just them and DC. Some people genuinely do have really hectic weekends full of clubs, kids parties and extended family commitments. I guess you just have to accept that everyone's different. DH and I are generally quite laid back when it comes to weekends. Sometimes I have to work, DH has hobbies which mean he's sometimes out for all or part of a weekend and we've made a deliberate decision to avoid enrolling dd in weekend activities as many of our friends and family live at a distance and we like to have the freedom to visit them at weekends. I'm also able (as are you by the sound of it) to look at a busy day and think "I have a spare hour or two there to see X" but not everyone wants or is able to do that. Some people need more chill out time than others and get panicky if it looks like this won't happen. All I can suggest is you enjoy what you do have with these other mums, keep gently suggesting weekend meet ups but don't push it if they don't want to. Things may well change in a few years time when the children are older and more independent.

We spend the weekend together, me, DD and DP. We usually do activities together and see close families. Friends, we might see every few months or so unless they live around the corner

Really don’t get the snuggling down watching tv thing with small kids ... This would last a total 20 minutes in our house !

Btw I totally get people not wanting to but I’m talking about mums I know who regularly complain about weekends and never having any downtime with friends like pre-kids and I just think surely you could manage it the odd weekend but maybe they are happy with the way it is 🤷‍♀️

I used to go out on a sat night but during the day at weekend I wouldn't meet up as I was either spending time with dp if he was off or alone with the kids because he was at work or working myself I had time during the week as I worked shifts so I’d be on my own doing housework/gym coffee etc - I never complained to friends I just enjoyed time to myself but I do have one friend, now her kids are teens she has more freedom at weekends and one they go to their dads and she moans constantly that I can’t go out drinking with her or meet up at weekends (works school hours in the week)

I’ve given up, I do what I can, being made to feel shit because I can’t just leave The house for a coffee or go out every weekend Is not my idea of friendship

When my kids were your kids age it was easy to find an hour here and there now it's much harder. DH and I have to divide and conquer to get the activities done - I end up with away sports matches - which take up lots of mornings. Afternoon I try to spend quality time with another child at her activity. Sunday lunch is sacrosanct (if at all possible) and Husband likes us to all sit together (albeit we sometimes have guests or sometimes go out - but it is all together) - recently Sunday afternoons were another activity. By Saturday night all I want to do is sit down with a glass of something cold and watch Casualty. However, it's a phase of life and will pass.