Why can’t other mums ever met at weekends

[Notsogreen30]

I’ll start by saying I know a lot of people work ft and family time is precious and I’m kindof aiming this thread at parents of more than one kid as me and my dh found it easier to have downtime etc when we just had one dc and we were (in our case) a bit more insular.
I have a good group of really lovely friends where I live, we get on really well and in all honesty they are the nicest people you could meet. We all have a few kids each and in general we meet up the odd time with them. The thing I don’t get is that a lot if them just can’t seem to do anything recreational for themselves at the weekend. My dh and I have three young dcs and absolutely no practical support from any other family so reply on each other completely. We still exercise at the weekends , maybe go out for coffee or breakfast (on our own obvs) or just have some time out. We also just loads with our dcs and 90 percent of our time/activities is child focused etc. I don’t know what it is but I’d love to see my friends for an hour or so catch up without the kids but it’s almost impossible.
Btw before anyone says maybe they prefer being with their kids these friends often talk about how they are exhausted at the weekends , would love some headspace etc and they all spend loads of time with their kids and husbands anyway and I know what it’s like with young kids at weekends, I adore mine but it’s not hugely relaxing. Our kids also do activities at the weekends so I know that’s busy but it’s not every hour. I just find it frustrating and it would be nice to have some company sometimes.... A friend and I are trying to organize a monthly hike and loads of interest but then the “weekends are far too tricky “ etc come up and I just think in my head two hours early morning monthly?!
I get on great with all these mums so it’s not the case that they can’t stand me and don’t want to meet. And they all have husbands etc. I just don’t really get it tbh 🤷‍♀️
Just wondered if other people found it similar? ( I do have friends without kids but they don’t live near)

Notsogreen30 it may well be that what they wish they could do was spontaneously go for a run/ hike/ swim alone for some headspace - not arrange yet another commitment in advance to meet you to run, hike or swim. However much they like you and your company, it may be your apparently spontaneous bits of alone time they wish they had.

I hate feeling like I'm on the clock af weekends. We have set activities we have to do, but the rest of the time I'd rather be flexible and not feel like I'm letting someone else down if I don't feel like doing a planned activity with them.

i guess its different if you work pt- but i work full time and feel incredibly guilty if I do spend time away from my 2.5yr old at the weekend. Do i do it? occasionally, easier after shes in bed if im not too shattered.

and i dont get the chill out with a film at the weekend...but i too have an active toddler. My neighbour looked at me horrified when i said we go to the park every weekend, she says they prefer to stay in (id climb the walls).

Another one who works Saturdays. DH is self employed & on some days works 8 til 8 so Sundays are a chance for family time.

I work Sunday-Friday and DH works compressed hours so he's really late most nights in the week. If there's an hour for just me (i.e. non-family time) on a Saturday, realistically I'm going to wax my legs, have a bath, maybe even listen to a podcast while I cook dinner, I'm not making plans! I meet friends in the week when we're all out and about anyway and it's easier to fit in a quick coffee at lunchtime.

I have three young children (6, 4 and 1) and while we’re certainly not having long lie ins and indulgent breakfasts at the weekends we do enjoy a slightly slower pace in the mornings instead of the mad rush to get out for work/school etc. The older DC’s have an activity at 9.30 on a Saturday and 10 on a Sunday so I really wouldn’t want to be rushing to get up and out for an hours walk before getting back to take them to their activities. In fact 9.30am on a Saturday feels rushed enough! Saturday afternoons are usually taken up with visiting grandparents/chores etc that we don’t have time for in the week, then Sundays we usually pack a picnic and go to a NT place or for a long bike ride/walk/day out somewhere.
If it was for something specific then I would (and do) arrange things so that DH did something with the DC while I went out with friends, but just for a walk or something I probably wouldn’t bother rearranging everything/rushing to get up and out in the morning. I am going for a spa afternoon with some friends on a Sunday in a couple of weeks for example, and for a watercolour painting class with a friend on a Saturday in March.

Weekends are always so busy. Not just in terms of all the crap needing done at home but also everyone and their granny heads out to cafes and pubs and it’s hard to get seats or it’s noisy and just not fun. When I was younger I was all for doing stuff at weekends but now I just want to sit in comfy clothes eating crap and ignoring the mess. Also don’t have. Babysitter.

My friend's abusive husband doesn't let her out when he's off work. Because he seems to want to spend time making their lives miserable and hates her seeing me.

So could be that

I prefer to see my husband at weekends who I don't see all week. Go figure!

Your post does have a touch of the wide-eyed faux innocence about it OP- “oh I’m so busy but I still manage to make sure I fit time in at the weekends to do hiking/running/etc, I can’t understand why no one else does”

It’s because they don’t want to OP. Different people have different ideas of what’s important to them.

Don’t be pushy, inviting people to join you for a run/hike/etc on a weekend is nice, but don’t be offended if they don’t want to come. Weekends are precious!

The last thing I'd want to do is go for a hike after a week of running around ! It's Friday , I'm so looking forward to having two cups of tea in my dressing gown before getting dressed in the morning.

Are their partners also part time? I mean we both work full time (though I work that in 4 days, so Friday off). We don’t often meet up with friends on the weekends because frankly we like to see each other. By the time we’ve gotten up, done whatever things around the house, go do whatever we wanted to do as a family that day, done the food shopping, actually I just want to sit down and spend time with dh as we don’t get to see much of each other. We do make time to go meet up with friends for the day or night, but it’s more like every few months, not every weekend. I’d be exhausted otherwise. The weekends are the only time I just get to sit down and relax at home.

Tbf I said in a previous post that it was a friend who organized the run when we had time in the week, when she couldn’t make it I then suggested sat morning instead. No idea this was such an unusual idea..
Also like I said before it’s not about always me asking plp to do stuff with me and then dodging it , my friends will often say totally randomly unrelated to anything that I have said. “ Oh how I miss going for a coffee/reading the papers/ window shopping /early walk on the beach like I did pre kids. And that led me to think “ but you can do this”. I really didn’t think that it’s such a big thing to take an hour or so out of a busy weekend to do something like this.. Our children come first in our priorities.
I still spend the weekend with my kids and dh, going to various activities, doing housework , eating together etc. We work flexibly but outside of my working hours I am with my dcs , they finish school/ playschool at 2.30.
Also for people who say “I like spending time with my kids”, so do I , very, very much. How would having an hour to do something else change that, it obvs doesn’t

We work flexibly but outside of my working hours I am with my dcs , they finish school/ playschool at 2.30

well there's the difference, at least between you and me, (and a lot of my friends with young children), Im out the house 8am-6.15pm Monday-Friday. Whilst an hour at the weekend doesnt seem like a huge amount to some, others its proportionately a lot.

Well as I said above, Saturday morning wouldn’t work for me. DC’s have an activity at 9.30 and as we’re all up and rushing around in the week we like to have a slower paced morning on a Saturday. DC are 6, 4 and 1 but when they appreciate a morning where we’re not all rushing to get out of the house. So technically yeah I could go for a walk at 8am on a Saturday, in reality I’d rather not. Probably just something as simple as that.

I'm a stay at home parent to four kids. My husband works all week and has one Saturday off a month, so we prefer to be together. Going for coffee with friends is for in the week, with kids. And if DH is in work I prefer to do my own thing with the kids with their additional needs, dragging them along to somewhere to meet people can be stressful and not enjoyable.

Omg I’m not pushy at all. I’m the least pushy person. I’m more than happy to go it alone. I was just thinking internally why it’s so impossible for some of the mums I know to do things without their kids for an hour or so at the weekend. The hike idea is another mums as we live in a beauty spot, we are both going. There were other mums interested in it on the occasion I spoke about but seemed totally put off by the fact that it was at the weekend for two hours on a monthly basis!!
I wasn’t going on about it to them at all. Also it was just something I wondered as a response to other people , my dh goes kayaking occasionally on a weekend and gets asked by other dads how he “gets away” , again it’s a close location and 2 hours and then he’s back spending lots of lovely time with us.

Also like I’ve said in almost every post, the women im talking about are the ones saying they’d love some alone time at the weekend/time to go to a class/meet up.

@notsogreen30

At the end of the day, if they wanted some alone time or time to go to a class or meet up so badly they'd make it happen wouldn't they?

The fact theyre saying it but never following through would indicate to me its not as important to them as they are claiming. None of us know the reason why they aren't making the effort but if they aren't then I'd honestly seek out some new friends- one who are freer at weekends and happy to meet up.

Haven’t rtft but agree with everything that has been posted. Also would add that yes generally I do have an hour or two to spare here and there but it’s very hard for me to predict exactly when that time will be until it happens. And then I think it’s very unlikely that any of my friends will be able to meet up with only 10 minutes notice so I don’t even ask.

Perhaps, if it works for you, you could let your friends know that you could sometimes meet up last minute to encourage them to ask if they suddenly find themselves with a bit of free time (and the energy to do something)

Well yeah, I sometimes moan about not getting enough time to myself and say I’d love to meet up with friends at the weekend.
Not at 8am on a Saturday morning, pre taking the DC to their activities though.
Basically, they’d rather do what they’re doing than do what you’re suggesting. That’s all it boils down to.

If I had an hour or two free on a weekend day I'd go and have a long bath and read a book in bed rather than meet up with someone! I find weekends tricky to make plans mostly because we like to be spontaneous if we do do something. It is a bit odd though of your friends are specifically telling you they would like to meet but then don't make it happen!

at the weekend for two hours on a monthly basis!!

I would think this is the crux of it. If you asked me, mentally I'd be thinking 'wonder if that's going to clash with visit to X, Ys wedding, the holiday' and so on.

Well ironically I am meeting two friends for breakfast in the morning and I didn’t suggest it 😂
Weird how that happened after writing the thread.
Fair enough , it really isn’t about meeting me at all , I was genuinely wondering why more mums I know never do any recreational stuff at the weekend and maybe they are all lying but I really do get from them that they would like to have the odd alone time etc sometimes but don’t get it.
Anyway each to their own