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Original poster

Feeling slut-shamed

175 replies

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 11:32

Wondering if anyone can explain this to me, please?

Why do I feel ashamed of 1) sexting 2) being willing to have sex on the first date 3) entertaining the idea of having a FWB ?

Am I a slut?

I haven't dtd in nearly 2 years, and tbh I feel a good shag would straighten out a lot of things for me/in my life right now. I suspect some of the tension I'm feeling day to day is rooted in the suppression of my sexual self.

The majority of men are not, or do not feel toward themselves, slut-shamed for the same reasons I do.

Insight appreciated.

OP posts:
Fraggling · 27/12/2019 15:07

'It appears for some of you, you approve only of single women who remain celibate until they are 'made decent' by a man within the context of a relationship or marriage. '

Now you're just making stuff up. Point to the posts on the thread that have said that!

Still can't get over 'brazen' Grin

DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:08

Who said that?

DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:09

You seem to be in a huff because no one wanted to share their “ooh, I feel slutty too” stories.

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 15:09

'Made decent' is a good one as well.

Where on earth are you getting this language from?

Is there a handbook.

Original poster
MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 15:11

Argh, I'm coming away from this now.

@Fraggling I am not ungrateful for your advice. I don't appreciate being ridiculed by you, picking apart and twisting my words to suit yourself, that is.

OP posts:
Fraggling · 27/12/2019 15:12

I'm not twisting your words.

You're making stuff up.

Point to the posts where people said women should remain celibate etc. Oh gosh, they don't exist.

FusionChefGeoff · 27/12/2019 15:14

This is weird.

OP has posted on the Feminism board about a deeply misogynistic societal concept 'slut shaming' which she feels is affecting her own enjoyment of sex / seeking FWB due to the guilt that this brings.

That, according to my lived experience, is 100% a thing and Dee the problem that OP is describing is precisely the opposite that, unfortunately, yes, a huge proportion of society DO care who and how many people you fuck.

Hence the thread.

Why is OP getting grief????

I agree some counselling to try to distance your feelings from your younger self being verbally abused by Gdad could be wise.

And agree that it's a horrible but completely false concept OP, shagging randoms because you want to does not make you anything negative. It just means you are persuing your own happiness and satisfying your needs / wants in this life.

UpfieldHatesWomen · 27/12/2019 15:14

I'm baffled as to the OP's latest post, they seem to want to see people here to be disapproving of her sexuality. No-one seems particularly bothered.

bd67th · 27/12/2019 15:16

I find it unusual for a woman to think that she would get a decent fuck out of a one off with a random tbh.

The only orgasm a man ever gave me without me assisting was a one-off with a not-quite random who was very good with his hands. IME most men are crap at sex, too impatient to get me off.

if you want an orgasm, IME you have to do it yourself or take a woman to bed.

Original poster
MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 15:19

Why is OP getting grief????

@FusionChefGeoff I'm not entirely sure myself. I've been told casual sex won't end well, it'll damage my self-esteem, men will throw me to the wayside, etc. I am kind of feeling slut shamed. And NO I don't want to be. Tbh, I am after words of encouragement and advice on how to navigate this/my feelings on this.

OP posts:
MrMeeseekscando · 27/12/2019 15:23

I've spent the last 2 years "playing the field"
I absolutely love sex, been shamed by a few men (amusingly!) and lost one of my best mates over it.
I'm under no illusions, if I was a man I'd get a pat on the back.
I've had an absolute ball. Grin
It is a compulsion, a need. I've an itch and I'm going to bloody well scratch it. Wink

Oh, and one of the best orgasms I've had has been courtesy of a ONS.

So that stereotype can piss off too.

Kit19 · 27/12/2019 15:23

Ive has ONS & FWB before I met DH because I like sex but didn’t necessarily want a boyfriend at the time

No one cares how many ppl you fuck OP and whther they are ONS, FWB or long term relationships. Have sex with whoever you want as often as you like - just keep yourself safe

DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:24

Use decent contraception and all’s good.

Goosefoot · 27/12/2019 15:24

That sex can have various undesirable consequences is kind of a fact, isn't it? I'm not sure how anyone older than 25 can fail to be aware that it includes some real risks, emotional, physical, social. Some which can be mitigated, and some can't even theoretically, but in the end you are stuck with them to some extent whether you think it ought to be that way or not.
Lots of people have a try and casual sex in their teens or twenties and realise that the promise of consequence free sex is not realised in many cases. Just like a lot of things, really.That's not anti-sex, it's just adult.

LangCleg · 27/12/2019 15:26

LOL! (Again.)

DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:27

No one cares about the op’ sex life 🤷‍♀️

girlygirl98 · 27/12/2019 15:31

@Goosefoot this is what I was trying to say. You put it better than me though.

Original poster
MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 15:32

@Goosefoot yes, of course. All actions have consequences, good and bad. I didn't have free and casual sex in my teens or twenties, I had one ONS and the rest of my sexual experience has been within LTR and marriage, and twice within one LT friendship. I married relatively young too. This would maybe explain why I am sort of at odds with my sexual self.

OP posts:
DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:33

Casual sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but it would be a boring world If we were all the same.

Original poster
MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 15:33

@LangCleg you are looking for a reaction and here it is: what are you 'LOLing' at exactly?

OP posts:
girlygirl98 · 27/12/2019 15:33

@DeeZastris condoms don't protect from hpv and oral contraceptives increase your risk

DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:34

True but it stops you having a baby with a douche bag

Butterymuffin · 27/12/2019 15:35

I've been told casual sex won't end well, it'll damage my self-esteem, men will throw me to the wayside, etc.

I really don't think so. People have said casual sex is often not that physically satisfying. That it may not get you what you want. There is a difference between that and saying 'it's wrong, it'll fuck you up', but you seem to want that to be said to you.

I agree that slut shaming attitudes are still common in society. I don't think they are what you're seeing here.

Honestly, go for it and do it. Nothing to be ashamed of. Keep yourself safe is all. If it's good, that's great; if it isn't, you've tried it out. That's how I feel and I suspect many others.

Original poster
MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 15:36

@DeeZastris I am fully aware that no one on here cares, per se, about my sex life. I posted my OP as I have been pondering on my attitude to casual no-strings sex, not to see who cares.

OP posts:
Selene28 · 27/12/2019 15:36

Go with the FWB.

A ONS could end up robbing you, or hiring you in some way. You never know, they're a complete stranger. Also, the sex would most likely be rubbish.

Could you just start dating and take it from there?

Why does anyone (man or woman) need to have a ONS?

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