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Feeling slut-shamed

175 replies

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 11:32

Wondering if anyone can explain this to me, please?

Why do I feel ashamed of 1) sexting 2) being willing to have sex on the first date 3) entertaining the idea of having a FWB ?

Am I a slut?

I haven't dtd in nearly 2 years, and tbh I feel a good shag would straighten out a lot of things for me/in my life right now. I suspect some of the tension I'm feeling day to day is rooted in the suppression of my sexual self.

The majority of men are not, or do not feel toward themselves, slut-shamed for the same reasons I do.

Insight appreciated.

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 27/12/2019 14:38

So you're verbally abusing yourself using misogynistic language, OP?

Why not just make the decision to stop and then get some professional help to change your mindset?

girlygirl98 · 27/12/2019 14:39

@Fraggling a 'good way' is a matter of opinion.
Of course women should do what they like, but I was just pointing out the possible consequences whether they're fair or not. The other thing that I found out recently is that women increase their chances of cervical cancer the more sexual partners they have. I'd be more concerned about that than anyone calling me a 'slut'.

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 14:42

Well I mean as I mention some people enjoy this sort of language, which means they need it to have meaning in society.

For kinky types to get the full fun out of being treated as sluts, women and girls need to be talked about in those terms in real life, and it needs to be very negative. Or the whole thing loses it's bite somewhat.

As someone said about the no link shaming thing, if shame is your link, then the whole thing is doing you no favours!

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 14:42

I'm not after a ONS. As I stated upthread, I've only ever had one ONS and it was not all memorable, in fact it was crap.

I am, however, looking for a mutually satisfying, consensual and respectful casual sexual relationship.

A few of posters are saying casual sex is likely to lead to being treated shabbily. I don't want an emotional connection nor to invest in one. I will most certainly cut things off with the first signs of poor treatment.

While I do seem to hold an internal sense of sexual shame, I also sense that a great many posters on here who have been 'pearl-clutching' at the sheer brazen tone of my OP and subsequent posts, may indeed feel this shame too. To enjoy sex and need/want it.

OP posts:
Fraggling · 27/12/2019 14:43

'a great many posters on here who have been 'pearl-clutching' at the sheer brazen tone of my OP'

Lol

Brazen Grin

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 14:45

Show me the pearl clutches.

No one thinks you're brazen, it's all very very pedestrian. Women having sex for fun hasn't been shocking for decades. Although some don't approve, I've not seen them on this thread.

I can't get over brazen that's hilarious.

girlygirl98 · 27/12/2019 14:49

@MyOhMyDelilah there's nothing wrong with wanting a fwb situation at all and I don't think you should feel shame. It can be an ideal situation but I would say you will have your work cut out finding a man to fill that particularly role for more than a few weeks. Actually a more difficult task than finding a long term relationship

Kit19 · 27/12/2019 14:49

Bring back brazen hussey I say 😆

pinkyboots1 · 27/12/2019 14:49

I don't think you're being a slut at all but I'd think carefully about doing anything casually. Maybe a FWB is the right thing for you... just be careful that neither of you end up wanting more or get hurt
Only you really know what you want and what the answer is

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 14:51

I know @Fraggling it seems ironic that the language in my OP is brazen, but my feelings around sex are not.

OP posts:
Fraggling · 27/12/2019 14:53

The language in your posts isn't the slightest bit 'brazen' although you seem strangely keen to insist it is.

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 14:54

There seems to be a mean girl mentality on this board, which makes it's existence a bit pointless I'd say.

OP posts:
DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 14:55

🤦‍♀️

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 14:55

@pinkyboots1 thank you for the advice. That is the route I'm likely to take.

OP posts:
MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 14:56

My idea of brazen language is clearly different from yours.

OP posts:
Sh0na · 27/12/2019 14:57

Bloody hell what?

Just go and have a shag honestly. Go online. Go for a few drinks with somebody and let the anticipation build and then enjoy the shag.

Don't complicate it.

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 14:57

Dee Grin

Ninkanink · 27/12/2019 14:58

No, you’re not a slut. You have nothing to be ashamed of - it’s not shameful to be a woman with a strong sex drive. And yes, I agree, a good shag probably will make you feel better.

Sh0na · 27/12/2019 14:58

ps I don't think you're brazen.

I think you're disappearing in to your own navel

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 14:58

I'll ignore the two of you. Please do leave this thread.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 27/12/2019 14:58

Sorry haven’t read thread yet, just wanted to answer your question directly.

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 15:00

But I've given you good advice!

How ungrateful.

DeeZastris · 27/12/2019 15:01

Nobody gives a toss who you shag. It’s not the 1950s anymore.

Goosefoot · 27/12/2019 15:02

Yes sex is absolutely a need for me too.Again, doesn’t give me any right to take or expect it from someone else. But it is a need not a want. I get antsy, pent up, tetchy, almost uncomfortable in my own skin without it. Masturbation does not compare to the feeling afterward you’ve had a great fuck, like someone’s just released the pressure valve

Feeling tetchy and unsatisfied doesn't make something a need. For goodness sakes.

And it doesn't just come down to prostitution. If you don't have enough food, or adequate shelter, you will be severely impacted. And while you'd not be morally justified in taking those things from with with violence, I would probably be considered, quite rightly, a moral reprobate for not sharing what I had with you, closing the front door to leave you out in the storm. We probably even justify a certain amount of redistribution through taxes etc to provide for people who don't have access to these needs. Social and political revolutions have hinged on groups of people not having access to needs and it's often not easy to tell who the good and bad guys are, because we know those needs are very real, and we know hoarding is immoral.

It does violence to language to start calling sex, especially on an individual basis, a need. It's not. You can get over it, you can live with being techy if you have to, but generally people can get over that as well, especially if they don't tell themselves it's a need.
Not only can you not be justified in "stealing" sex non-consensually, people have no moral requirement to provide it to you out of kindness either, even if it really wouldn't harm them in any way. We don't (here) and IMO should not talk about ways to provide sex through tax dollars or charity.

This vague idea that sex is a need in some unclear but seemingly mental health related way underlies a lot of the toxic thinking about sex, pornography, etc.

MyOhMyDelilah · 27/12/2019 15:03

In what way @sh0na do you know anything about my lived experiences? Why I really chose to post on this board in the first place?

It appears for some of you, you approve only of single women who remain celibate until they are 'made decent' by a man within the context of a relationship or marriage. That is internalised misogyny right there.

OP posts: