Most boring family Christmas conversation competition

[GinNsnowmen]

So far this Christmas break we have had how the woman across the road keeps her bins to the SIDE of her path at the driveway and a long extended discussion about the pros and cons of bin positioning. Apparently "we just don't know what she gets up to" is a comment that was appropriate in that conversation. I'm not sure what my neighbours think about my bin position?!!

High drama of the day has been when an unknown car parked perfectly legally near the house. This prompted lots of walking back and forwards at windows and some fake retrieval of stuff from our cars to nosey. Can anyone compete with that level of drama? A friend suggested we log it with 101.

(And as it seems necessary to say this these days this is lighthearted. I love my family but in large doses they are exhausting and this is just some light relief to keep me smiling politely.)

You could be reporting live from my mum's! We still have this excitement to come as an end of year treat

I feel your pain OP.

We live up a valley on a single track road. Quiet but not safe to walk. PIL live three miles away on main road, still quiet but has path. We were there yesterday, and then today for lunch. I asked fil to jump in car and drop me baby and pram in a village a few miles in other direction, I would then walk back along path to house for lunch.

This has been the topic of the day. Why did I want a walk, who did I talk to, who did I see, what did I do. Was I tired after my walk, was I in the huff, was the road busy, did I see Mrs smith, did I notice the jones tree. All afternoon, for four hours.

Sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The doings of my annoying SIL's neighbours. And the state of her health. We draw lots each year about who is going to field her.

OMG I am suddenly transported back to my parents house, and they've both been dead for years.
They used to discuss at length anyone who dared come home after midnight.
"Did you hear them at number 23 Brenda, yes Graham, I known, 12.16am, can't imagine what they were doing, I've always thought them quite nice but they shut that car door quite loudly".
*Not real names

How quiet it is outside. As in no people about.
(it's always quiet, it's a village lane)

How it would be better if it had rained today (yesterday) rather than tomorrow (today)
(i don't know why - i totally tuned out)

The amount of sellotape people use these days.

Really in depth description of my FILs attic from when he was a child.

My Mils doctor’s surgery burnt down.

People do use a lot of sellotape these days..

Agree on the sellotape! You only need 3 pieces, 4 for a large gift! I need scissors to get into some presents!

We also had an in depth analysis of what type of bin we need and where it could go in our new kitchen.

OMG don't you lot start as well !!

At lunchtime today:

DH (serving elderly guest) "pigs in blankets?"
Guest "No thank you, I don't like them much"
DH "How about a sausage wrapped in bacon?"
Guest "Oh, yes please, that would be lovely"

Love these. Aaaah. I feel so much better now.

I was in the kitchen with MIL who was listening to a long msg from SIL discussing her kitchen tiles, so I got that treat.

SIL is boring AF, she drove across Europe with a van full of rescue cats a couple of years ago and somehow managed to make it sound boring.

The endless evangelical conversations about cruises. OK, I get that they love them but there are no circumstances under which I will go on a cruise - and one and a half hours of excruciating detail will not persuade me otherwise.

Conversation?
We get talked at .

Drains. And drain covers. Because nothing captures the magic of Christmas quite like drains. As Bing Crosby sang: May your days be merry and bright and may all your drains be free of shite.

We had several conversations about parking cars. The high point being a conversation about how difficult it is to park in a random street where none of us live, work or have any reason to park.

The (misconstrued) plot of a programme my mother watched at some point. 😐

People do use a lot of sellotape these days.

'twas ever thus, I remember my grandmother saying how much I used to use and that was at least 35 years ago

I remember a Christmas a few years back when the most exciting thing that happened all day was me finishing a jigsaw puzzle and it turned out that there were two pieces missing. I said to MIL, God love her, that it might be as well to get rid because it had been a bit of an anti-climax to get to the end and not be able to finish it. She was shocked at such wastefulness and was going to do no such thing, it was going back into the cupboard in case the missing pieces turned up one day.

My dads golfing expolits. Even my mum tells him to shut up.
He talks about people who we've never met, will never meet and have no desire to meet.
It doesn't help that he forgets words so it didn't always make sense.

My dad blethering on about coal!!
Bloody coal of all things!

Not sure if this is boring or just odd, but apparently the Swedes think they're really clever with all their minimalist furniture. (In a tone that clearly indicates they are in fact stupid). Fil, who worked for a Swedish company for many many years.

He talks about people who we've never met, will never meet and have no desire to meet.

This is a running joke in my family.

"Do you remember Fred So-and-so?"
"No, who's that?"
"Used to live in Placeyou'veneverheardof, went out with Edna So-and-so You'vealsoneverheardof?"
"Erm, no?"
"I think you went to school with his daughter, Lucy So-and-so? She used to have a part-time job at Randomshop I think?"
"No, it really doesn't ring a bell. Anyway how come?"
"Well.... he died."

All laugh!

Aunty Sue is asking “How many sockets in your bedroom Maureen?”

“Well, the lamp and radio, and my Kindle plug so that’s three...”

Aunty Sue is not even listening because she’s counting her own sockets on her fingers and waiting her turn to speak”

“...and the double in the built-in but we never use those...”

Meanwhile my boring cousin has appeared by her side and is almost bobbing with excitement at the prospect of explaining her own pissing sockets and all her bloody appliances.

I’m tempted to get the electric drill out, give them a tour of our own bedroom sockets, and practice a bit of DIY trepanning on them all.