Most boring family Christmas conversation competition

[GinNsnowmen]

So far this Christmas break we have had how the woman across the road keeps her bins to the SIDE of her path at the driveway and a long extended discussion about the pros and cons of bin positioning. Apparently "we just don't know what she gets up to" is a comment that was appropriate in that conversation. I'm not sure what my neighbours think about my bin position?!!

High drama of the day has been when an unknown car parked perfectly legally near the house. This prompted lots of walking back and forwards at windows and some fake retrieval of stuff from our cars to nosey. Can anyone compete with that level of drama? A friend suggested we log it with 101.

(And as it seems necessary to say this these days this is lighthearted. I love my family but in large doses they are exhausting and this is just some light relief to keep me smiling politely.)

Sigh! I feel for you all. I have my ILs over the weekend, when we will definitely be talking about:

• people who have died in their village
• villages in Lincolnshire that they like
• pubs in said villages, which they have never been to
• people that did go to the pubs, but who have now died
• people they met on holiday once, who have died
• people who still go on holiday but who are nearly dead
• food they like
• food liked by people who are now dead
• food served in hospital (neither of them have been in hospital)

Hoorah! I am looking forward to it.

It probably seems a bit funny, but the sad thing is they have 3 lovely teenage grandkids, who they don't interact with at all, because they are too busy with the above.

My mum (when she finally stopped going on about the amazing thing she brought - a cardboard cone with Celebrations glued all over it to look like an Xmas tree - she has been telling me about this since early Nov) asked:
"Did you try on that jacket MrHeidi got you for Xmas?"
Me: "Erm yes but it's not really me so I'm going to change it" (it's white corduroy purchased at approx 3.30pm Xmas Eve...)
DM: "But it fit nicely? Ah good."
Me: "...."

We talked about Victorian mourning customs. Super cheery!

I'm afraid I was the one that was being ridiculous. I realized I kept telling anyone who would listen how delicious the butter was I had at an event the previous week (it really was very good). Finally someone asked me what I had put the butter on. I said some bread. They said maybe it was the bread that was so delicious. I assured them the bread WAS delicious, but it was the butter that was magnificent.

Maybe you should try a new bin position to keep the flame alive.

Great thread.

Nan not having to remove a large bag of cat shit from her garden anymore since she put spikes in the ground and a cat alarm to deter the neighbours moggies.
Nans friends grandson being on weekender in Tenerife or similar and me not knowing who the hell Tyrone Davies is no matter how often she says ‘but he’s on the telly!’

An elderly family friend talking about how he had met Barbara Windsor in the 80s and sat next to her on a tram for the Blackpool Illuminations. He tells us every time he sees us in minute detail. My ds said "Who's that?" which prompted him to tell us all over again acting listing all the Carry On films he could think of.

I have an very elderly relation (94 ). living with me. So we are regularly regaled with tales of friends of hers , long dead . There are grandfathers in the village that I know the intimate details of their birth and childhood . Again and again.
In my case , tedious conversations - well not conversations as it really is just one monologue after another - are not for life , not just for Xmas.

@SluggishSnail - you are absolutely right re lack of engagement with grandchildren and preferring drivel. The closest my DM gets (and we get this every time) is hearing about how her teachers wanted her to go to Hornsey School of Art (DD2 is studying art) but her father said there was no money to be made in art and she had to go out to work, so she got a job in a bank...

Literally just came into mumsnet to update myself with this thread! It's like all my christmases in one!

I can't recall any specific conversations as I made sure I was part of none of them!!

thankful no one talked about politics after my dh and dm fell out quite dramatically a few weeks ago over her daily mail "facts"

The thing that happens every Christmas is my brother with boring historical and political stories and facts (sounding very plausible with long words and name drops) he has supposedly read about but I strongly suspect to be largely fabricated! Fil was duly impressed though and now thinks my bro is a "very knowledgable chap". Which probably rescued bro from awkward asides about how no one has a problem with his sexuality even though he didn't ask and gives no shits 😂🙄

My DP barely engage with my DC too. They seem to expect their turn of seeing them but then completely ignore them or tell them off. My DP don't really like anyone between the age of 5 and 18.

I'll never understand some people's preference to talk about:

the dead
the past
the medical problems of randoms

rather than

the present
the family in the room right in front of them

MILs xmas get togethers are a bit more lively. Big age range and enough young kids rushing about and having accidents to break up most monologues.

However, we never actually see MIL to speak to on these occasions. She spends ALL DAY in the kitchen churning out more and more oven chips and chicken nuggets for the already over laden table. We try to pry her out but she wont come. She talks about the get togethers for months before. Loves having ''everyone under one roof again and happy'' (are we all miserable in our own homes?) but doesnt come out the bloody kitchen to see any of us!!

My Dad's fishing lure collection, complete with pictures. He has over 200 and a case to store them all in.

I wonder what your grown up children will complain about when they visit you for Christmas decades from now. Not disagreeing with you but beware, age catches up with us all!

As part of his Christmas gift, I am taking DF out to a specific location for a few nights break.

It's a place Dh and I have been many times before and is only an hour or so away.

DF was delighted. And immediately got out his road atlas and started considering the best route. Dh usually goes a certain way - we've never had any problems on that route, it's not a particularly contentious route, it's fine.

Cue two hour robust discussion on any possible route.

It seems that for some people, the thing they like about the big family Christmas get together is being able to tell other people they went to the big family Christmas get together rather than the event itself.

Or at least that's my conclusion, from family members spending a lot of time over Christmas either complaining or interupting to tell stories about people no one knew, but then hearing them afterwards talking to the neighbours about the big day with all their family around them.

Mother: ‘Did I tell you about Ray’s daughter?’
Me: ‘Yes, you did’
Mother: proceeds to tell me again.

Or

Me: ‘What have you done today?’
Mother: ‘I’ve been to the bin’

Drives me insane.

Luckily this was only on the phone, but was mother in law talking at my husband. She doesn’t pause, and he often wanders off due to boredom.

This Christmas she wanted to know about my daughters mouse. Backstory is she saw a mouse labelled as snake food in a reptile shop and bought him. She made him a place to live out of a plastic box with a lid, but wasn’t allowed pets where she lived so we took him and bought him a beautiful cage, and toys etc, but he only lived about 8 months.

Mother in law chose Christmas Day to talk for about 20 minutes about the mouse, did she miss the mouse, was she getting another mouse? This was way more important than wishing anyone a happy Christmas or anything like that.

The other thing is, she talks at length about people we don’t know. Friends of her neighbours, or someone she saw at bingo. They’re only referred to by their first names. Not even Frank the postman, but Frank said to Sandra that he saw Jean. Huge long descriptions of strangers BUT when It comes to close family ie Uncle John and Auntie Pam (people husband lived next door to for 23 years, and we see all the time) MIL always follows up a mention of them with ‘do you remember them?’ Every time.

Ha loving these.

My mum and nan both are huge attention seekers when it comes to being ill. Both as fit as oxes btw. Yesterday at my mum's for party, my nan managed to squeeze in the conversation at least a dozen times about a rash on her arm complete with pulling up her sleeve as a prop to the convo.

"Went to Morrisons and got some bread, applied some more cream to my arm, and then got some milk and butter"

"Just been to check on dog, put cream on my poorly arm, and feed the fish."

There's actually fuck all wrong with the both of them and God help if we're ever ill! Becomes a game of if I've got a cold they must be on their death bed. I tune out now with alot of "awww". 😁

They sat in the pub having a conversation about the best service station
I did utter a Yay when Knutsford was namechecked. I loves me a good service station.

My mil hairdresser had a baby. I’ve never met this woman, I do not care to see baby pictures, but alas. I am shown them

My mum chatting about whether our ddog is enjoying themselves at her house on Xmas day.( We took him so he wasn't alone when we went for lunch)
"Is ddog enjoying it?"
"What does ddog think now?"
"Ddog has just walked in the kitchen!!! Why?!!!
"He's smiling"
"OMG- he's sniffed my skirt" ( cue howls of laughter for a good twenty minutes)
Ddog has never been to mothers house before. Ddog won't be going again for a while....
Needless to say, my mum has never had a dog and knows nothing about dogs.
Definitely a novelty.

Not really a conversation, but every bloody place we have been over Christmas (my car, my nan’s house, my aunt’s house, the coffee shop, etc), MIL has moaned that its cold. I’ve spent the past four days boiling to death in overheated living rooms and MIL is still complaining of being freezing. It does my head in.