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Original poster

What the fuck do I do now?

162 replies

PlsTryAnother · 18/12/2019 05:40

So DP of 2 years went out last night for a Christmas party. For various reasons I ended up staying up til 3.30 when he got home. I thought hed be pleased I'd waited but instead we had a huge row about how I apparently dont trust him and that's the reason i waited for him to come home. Apparently I was expecting lipstick on his face, or perfume on him from him shagging another woman. This is mental and never even crossed my mind. He walked out cos he was disgusted at my lack of trust, then came back an hour or so later and said hes going to bed, but I need to know its over. I'm literally reeling and I've got no idea what's happened or what to do now. I love him so much, I dont want him to leave but i cant see a way to stop this happening. My heart is actually breaking

OP posts:
Bogoffrain · 18/12/2019 14:00

I agree he’s been waiting for an excuse to leave. Flowers

TheReluctantCountess · 18/12/2019 14:00

Oh @PlsTryAnother I am sorry Sad

I suspect he was thinking about ending it anyway, and this gave him a reason (fwiw, I don’t think you did anything wrong in staying up). Has he given any further reasons why he’s not happy?

Stay strong 💐

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2019 14:04

Op, im sorry.

It's hard to tell, it's interesting you don't know if you have a history or jealous/paranoid behaviour in the relationship. You should be able to answer this question.

It could be he was looking for an excuse, or it could be this was the straw that broke the camels back, no one knows, but as a pp said, nonone walks out of a happy relationship for a one of waiting up.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Bufferingkisses · 18/12/2019 14:05

Woah, what's with all the justifying going on on this thread?! The op was awake when her partner came in after a night out. There is nothing wrong with being awake in your own home. What a disgusting set of responses!

OP, IMO your partner is behaving appalling. I can only think he wanted out and I agree that he clearly has no respect for you. I also wonder if he did actually cheat or want to cheat and this is his way to gain single status whilst ensuring it's "your fault".

If you are not usually a person who checks up, controls or mithers then you need to find your anger. He is massively out of order.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/12/2019 14:08

Let him go, OP.
He's not worth it.

novacaneforthepain · 18/12/2019 14:14

I think his done something you wouldn't like on his night out and now his panicking and leaving because of that.

This is awful and he is horrible. You deserve better. Thanks

Hirsutefirs · 18/12/2019 14:14

Where’s he going?

How long before “she” appears on the scene?

MegaClutterSlut · 18/12/2019 14:17

you have done nothing wrong imo. It does sound like something happened last night and he either wanted to leave or he feels too guilty about it. His reaction to you waiting up is not normal and I would see huge red flags

TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 18/12/2019 14:19

I'd put money on it that he's cheated on you while he was out, it's easier for him to flounce out of the relationship blaming you, than it is to tell the truth. I don't think you did anything wrong

MegaClutterSlut · 18/12/2019 14:24

Btw me and dh wait up for each other and have done for 20 years. He will just play his ps4 and I'll go asleep on the sofa watch tv just so we know each others got home safe. Dont give AF is other people think that's weird

Greenkit · 18/12/2019 14:38

I just asked my partner what he would do if I was up (waiting or otherwise)

He said he would like it, it wouldn't bother him.

He also said if your partner is leaving, then you're better off without the twat.

loobyloo1234 · 18/12/2019 15:05

OP - why are you not answering the very easy question of 'did you wait up for him' or were you just 'awake' when he got in? Its hard for anyone to give advice without knowing the history here

Shoxfordian · 18/12/2019 15:13

Is it part of a wider pattern?
Do you always wait up for him? I'm sorry though op

CanIHaveADrink · 18/12/2019 15:56

Im sorry @PlsTryAnother,
He was clearly waiting for an excuse :(

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/12/2019 16:21

I do it only because I have trouble sleeping at the best of times. DP doesn't mind either way. It doesn't bother me when he does it, either. But if the person at home manages to go to sleep, great.

The only person I was pissed off at waiting up for me was an ex, who was doing it to check my body for signs of another man. He was the one who started the row, though, not me, by demanding to know 'who he was', etc.

I dumped him.

Cecilandsnail · 18/12/2019 16:34

I'm genuinely trying to gauge how I would feel/react if a DP did this. I think if I came home and DP was sit up I'd be surprised he was awake but be totally normal, ask if he was alright ans send him to make me cheese on toast and a cup of tea. A past partner, who was controlling, demanding and suspicious? I'd have been pissed off and on the defensive.

Hazardexhausted · 18/12/2019 16:43

I don't think you did anything wrong by being awake, your couldn't sleep you stayed up - whats weird about it?!

If he's just using this as an excuse then he's a coward.

DragonflyInn · 18/12/2019 16:57

He’s using this as an excuse. Maybe as pp have said because it’s easier than admitting he did something last night, or maybe he’s wanted out for a while.

If you’re not looking to leave a relationship, and feel disconcerted that your partner waited up for you, you pleasantly talk to them about it and then continue your happy relationship.

I’m so sorry op. It sucks.

xlkhs · 18/12/2019 17:04

Get rid of him anyway.

He’s accusing you of something that you aren’t guilty of (not trusting him)

He could be judging you by his own standards and have a guilty conscience.

Or he might just be horrible

AlaskaElfForGin · 18/12/2019 17:07

He's leaving you because you were up when he got home?

You're well out of it OP.

AJPTaylor · 18/12/2019 17:21

He is being a cowardly arse.

incognitomum · 18/12/2019 19:02

Yes he's guilty of something.

So sorry this must be a shock Flowers

Have you spoken to anyone in rl?

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2019 19:16

He's leaving you because you were up when he got home?

No that's not why, he is leaving because he thinks she doesn't trust him, that she thinks he's with other women when he's apparently not and because he thinks she only waits up so she can check on him coming in, and because of the huge argument they had about it.

The staying up was simply a symptom not the root cause.

SureTry · 18/12/2019 19:29

He was looking for an excuse to leave OP. His reaction was way off. Like I said before where did he go for that hour plus when he left? I don't sleep well when DP works late or is out, not out of insecurity but because I'm a light sleeper & listen out for every creek the house makes so I can't relax. It's not just you who waits up for their DP.

diddl · 19/12/2019 08:37

Well tbf, although he has handled it badly, he, like anyone, can leave a relationship for any reason he wants to, or indeed for no reason, but just because he wants to.