What the fuck do I do now?

[PlsTryAnother]

So DP of 2 years went out last night for a Christmas party. For various reasons I ended up staying up til 3.30 when he got home. I thought hed be pleased I'd waited but instead we had a huge row about how I apparently dont trust him and that's the reason i waited for him to come home. Apparently I was expecting lipstick on his face, or perfume on him from him shagging another woman. This is mental and never even crossed my mind. He walked out cos he was disgusted at my lack of trust, then came back an hour or so later and said hes going to bed, but I need to know its over. I'm literally reeling and I've got no idea what's happened or what to do now. I love him so much, I dont want him to leave but i cant see a way to stop this happening. My heart is actually breaking

He was drunk presumably? It was probably the drink talking? In the morning when he’s sobered up there might not be an issue at all!

If he reacted like that sober, then that is strange.

I agree with some posters who think it’s odd that you ‘waited up for him’. I’d be irritated if I’d been out and come home to my partner sitting there waiting for me.
That said he did fly off the handle.
Do you think you’re a bit needy a bit clingy?

Very odd. I can understand if you're a bit of a worrier so don't sleep very well if he's out late but, his reaction was a bit OTT but that could just be the alcohol. Now where would he go for an hour at 3:30am?

I wouldn't say it's clingy or desperate to wait up for partner to come home after night out.
I can't be the only person who worries about people getting home after a night out especially if they have been drinking.

It's weird to wait up until then.

But his reaction was equally weird too.

You just need to have a sensible conversation when he sobers up. Hopefully he will be mortified and apologise or if there is more to it than him being pissed and overreacting then hopefully he’ll be honest . Good luck!

My sleep patterns are weird so it's quite possible I would be awake and up at that time. If DH came hole to find me up he wouldn't go off on a rant (more likely to think his.luck was in )

It is a very odd reaction.

It is the sort of thing a mother does waiting for their child to come home when they're 18.

He may feel smothered by your over caring. Is this the straw that broke the camels back.

@Barnowl25 exactly the same here. I think it's weird to be irritated by someone being awake when you get back, unless you'd also been messaging incessantly whilst he was out. And his reaction seems very over the top, I hope not but sounds a bit guilty.

How much had he had to drink?

Thanks everyone. I've taken all comments on board. I'm expecting him to sleep for most of the day today and then I guess we'll see what happens

I agree with him that it is a bit full on to wait up until 3am for an adult to come back from a planned night out. I might have done it if one of my DC missed a curfew (in order to give them a bollocking) but I’ve never waited up for DH. I value my sleep too much. I certainly wouldn’t be pleased if my DH did it to me. If I roll in at that time I will certainly be drunk and will just want to take my clothes and makeup off (maybe) and roll into bed. I would certainly not be up for intelligent, rational conversation.

That being said, his reaction does seem extreme. Do you have a tendency to police him? Did your previous experience lead to your waiting up to catch him out and disguising it as a caring gesture? Was this the last straw? Or as PP have suggested, maybe he has been looking for an excuse to end it and last night gave him the opportunity.

Let him calm down, sober up and sleep on it. He might be sheepish and apologetic in which case you can decide whether or not to let this go. Or he might have meant what he said.

I have trouble sleeping when DH is our. But it’s more the anticipation that he is going to come in and wake me
Up than worry. But I don’t actively wait up for him. I would feel a bit like a parent!

I’m Sorry you’re hurting it’s the worst feeling. Give him space today and try not to sit around just waiting for him to come and speak to you. Keep yourself busy.

I feel it was an over reaction that may be a result of looking for an out. Have you had any signs that he’s not happy lately or the relationship is not what it was?

He abhors people who cheat or have affairs

My ex said the same. A lot of people say the same. It does nothing but give a false sense of security and an opportunity to sit smugly knowing THAT isn't the problem.

Until it is.

I hope everything works out best for you OP but don't put too much stock in the position he knows he should take

Very weird, I hope everything works out for you

It depends how often you have previously done things like wait up for him, try to catch him out, demand lots of reassurance about fidelity... If you have been very needy and anxious for a long time, he may simply have had enough.
Or he could be a manipulative bully who enjoys punishing you for your neediness. Either way, this relationship sounds toxic and best over and done with. And you would be better off to consider some sort of counselling before you date again, because a preoccupation with infidelity is pretty grim for a partner to live with.

I think it was just a drunken reaction.

I'd be annoyed if my DH waited up on me. It would make me think he was trying to catch me doing something. Then I'd probably get over defensive even though I've not actually done anything. I reckon that's what's happened.

I wouldn't worry too much OP. He will probably apologise when he wakes up and you can explain what happened.

Waiting up for him, it's a bit like his mother. I can see how this would ruin every night out for him from now on, if you know someone is waiting by the door for you.
You say it never crossed your mind but it must cross your mind all the time if a previous ex cheated on you.

Why did you do wait up? No need to answer me, just yourself.

I hope you will be ok. Good luck.

It’s a strange thing waiting up for him until gone 3 am.

Hope things work out later today.

I wouldn't have waited up for him, and I'd hope my partner wouldn't wait up for me. But you did and he reacted badly to it (like someone up thread said, I bet something crossed his mind.) When he wakes up let him come to you and hopefully he'll apologise for saying its over and such. Thats a huge overreaction.

I wouldn't be waiting to see what happens. I'd be packing / bagging his stuff up. Picking a fight over you being up and deciding it was because you didn't trust him? That's a massive over reaction if it's not based on any other behaviour. Wave him off by noon. Why let him stay in bed? Surely he's got arrangements to get on with as he's so convinced it's over? If he's sleeping heavily it's because he's vented all his stress at you and is completely fine with such wild accusations. There's no coming back from someone raising g the it's over comment. He found that easy as he's already disengaged.

I think it very much depends on your honest reason for waiting up

Wow I’m surprised so many people think it’s weird to wait up for a partner. Dh and I always do this! We aren’t checking up on each other or parenting each other, we just don’t sleep well without each other!

OP I think his reaction was horrible and bizarre. I would totally ignore him until he apologises.

Am I the only person who would be delighted to have my dh wait up for me?? I would simply think that it showed he cared.
In fact, my dh probably would, because he does care. (Not that I ever go out that late)

I would guess that he was just pissed and acting a fool.
His reaction (to end the relationship) seems so ott!