Coping with a poorly baby. Struggling. DP says I’m overly dramatic

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Can anyone offer me some coping strategies? My partner just keeps telling me I’m being dramatic but I’m really struggling right now.

I have posted before about my DD and her being ill/severe upset stomach.

My 11 month old DD is poorly again. Second spell of diarrhoea in 3 weeks and we’re talking loads of it and loads of nappies. Consistency of gravy, sometimes 2/3 an hour. 5 days now. It has frightened me this time. She looks like she’s loosing weight now.

I do not feel I can go out because I need to be able to change her fast and I can’t get on top of the nappy rash.
I took her to the doctors on Friday night and they said push fluids but I don’t think I’m getting enough into her compared to what’s going out. I can’t imagine how I could be. I’m going to ring the doctors and ask for rehydration salts tomorrow morning.
We live remotely and I’m not seeing anyone because we can’t go to baby group whilst she’s ill.

I am mainly on my own as my partner works seven days a week and long days so it all falls to me. All the washing and cleaning her up. And everything else.

She has had countless other issues and has been investigated by the gastrointestinal consultant; is under paediatric care for reflux. She’s had bloods, elimination diets, stool samples all taken and analysed and nothing can be found.
She’s just a sickly one.

But it’s killing me. I hate this life.
No family or friends who could have her for a few hours; a childminder won’t take her whilst she’s got so a upset tummy, I’ve not seen anyone for a week other than partner who came home, has a beer and went to bed and left at 6am.

She’s been up since 6.30am. She had a burst out the nappy episode and has been deeply upset since. She is currently screaming in my arms and I just need her to fall asleep. I can’t put her down once she is asleep or she will scream again.

Writing this has made me cry.
I hate this.

I appreciate that this all about me and my beautiful DD is feeling worse than me no doubt.
But I don’t know what else to do. I feel like walking away but I couldn’t do that to her.

Why does your partner work 7 days a week? Think he needs to cut his hours to support you.

First of all you're doing all that you can for your dd and being a fab dm.
It's so hard when they're ill and still so young.
Definitely go back to the doctors and sit your dh down explain you need an hour or two to relax.
don't let him get away with doing nothing and he should be stepping up.
Also dropping those hours would be a great start.

Does the 111 service cover your area? I'd also be worried about how long this has been going on for and if she's getting dehydrated.

That sounds incredibly stressful and I don't think you're being over-dramatic at all.

I can see why you need to stay home. Do you have any family or friends who could come to you? Explain you need practical help, not just a 'social call'.

I'm assuming your marvellously unsympathetic partner really must work long days seven days per week...

Thank you for your kind replies.

I have no-one. My parents are a few hours away and whilst I think my mum would like to help, she’s in her 70s and finds the drive difficult, plus my dad is in a bad way.
I moved here for my partner and have a very limited, child free social circle. I do not know anyone well enough to call upon. I used to be so independent it did not concern me to be on my own or unsupported.

Partners mother can’t understand why I need help. She managed with 4 and no help and so forth.

My partner is part of a family business. There will never be any change to his hours. That’s how it is in his industry. His father expects him to do exactly as he says or leave. My partner will not rock the boat. I only know a little of how my partners brother was struck out of the family, due to disagreements with his father, so my partner probably fears the same treatment.

111 said the same as the GP, keep hydrated and feed her as normal. Baby and toddler diarrhoea can last 10-14 days. Only go to Drs again or A&E if her eyes look sunken and her soft spot is sunken. No mention of concern about the nappy rash.

Thank you against

I think you partner is being a dick. Presumably since he thinks it is so easy he will be taking over for a while?

This life is all my partner has known. It’s
awful it it’s also how he was brought up so doesn’t see my side because he has never been able to see it like that.

I don’t know why I’m defending him. I need him to step up if even for an hour

I dont know if this is relevent but my baby had temporary lactose intolerance after a bad bout of diarrhoea. I gave him special formula for a few weeks and he got over it.

Does he do anything in the house, either housework or baby care?

Does he have any contact/sympathy for his brother?

You can buy dioralyte from any chemist or supermarket. Try and get some today.

Is it farming?

You are doing a great job, but I’d be worried to if I was you. I think you need to speak to your health visitor on Monday and explain what is in your opening help. You are a mother of a sickly child with absolutely no family or friend support - you need to make her aware and she can help you. When my child was hospitalised then came home my health visitor phoned then came round when she checked up to see if my husband was offshore. Just having her there to hold the baby whilst I showered was amazing. You need help - please phone them before you break.

If you are worried that your baby isn’t getting enough fluids because they are shutting it out, go to A&E, don’t wait another 24 hours for a gp. Is baby’s bum raw with nappy rash? You need to say when you speak to a health person.

Oh you poor thing, and poor DD, this sounds so stressful for you both.

I dont know if this is relevent but my baby had temporary lactose intolerance after a bad bout of diarrhoea. I gave him special formula for a few weeks and he got over it.

Yes, my DC had the same. We bought soya formula from Boots, just one tin and he was back to normal after. Also probiotics (recommend Optibac). Dioralyte can be bought from any supermarket or pharmacy so don’t wait for the GP to start those.

Hope she feels better sooner. And talk to your DH, he needs to support you and his daughter.

Shitting not shutting!

Is he a farmer? He sounds like a wanker.

This sounds extremely upsetting and your partner's lack of sympathy is very alarming

Nappy rash - When you can get out, or order online, try and get zinc and castor oil cream (preferably without lanolin). Most people are fine with it, but if allergic to lanolin it can cause blistering, obviously making nappy rash even worse.

Hope things improve soon for you & your baby.

whilst I think my mum would like to help, she’s in her 70s and finds the drive difficult, plus my dad is in a bad way

I don't think you should rule her out. At least have the conversation with her and let her make her own mind up. Your dad may be OK by himself for a couple of days, your mum may be OK with the drive if she's not going there & back in a day. Talk to her.

Can you look for local baby groups/classes to attend once the illness has subsided? I find sometimes just nipping to the shops helps break the day

Just having her there to hold the baby whilst I showered was amazing.

Also, even child-free friends can do this! It really bugs me, this assumption that people without children can't or won't help or understand. I'm not even a particularly nice person and I'd offer!

OK so I don't know about babies (and can't cook) but I can make a brew, run a hoover round, shop and be another adult to talk to.

My sympathies go to you and your baby.

First of all what is your daughter's diet like? I suggest you try giving your baby probiotics and fermented foods such as kefir, seurkrau, sour cream. It may be an imbalance of healthy bacteria in the gut.

I know your life is stressful right now. I'm a stay at home mom too and husband works long hours and I'm alone with baby all day. So I know the feeling. But your priority is now your baby and her health so try focus on that rather than household chores etc. Also I think a baby can sense the mood of the mom and is affected by her mood. I know that when I feel low then my baby cries more too.. try not to argue with your husband and be more upbeat (I know it's easier said than done) but it's for your baby. Gastrointestinal issues often occur as a result of emotional distress.

He is in agriculture yes. So work will never change.
He does speak to his brother; he is in the states now though.
I’ve asked him to try and have an hour or so off today just so I can stop being primary carer for a few minutes.

My health visitor isn’t great, as in, she’ll text me but covers an area of massive social deprivation and is very very busy.

I have braved Tesco’s; poor DD on a puppy pad in her car seat. Not nice for her. Got metanium for her backside but the pharmacist said Diaoralyte needs to be approved by a Dr at her age; anyone under two years shouldn’t just have it.
I lied and said I needed it for my partner too. So I do have some of the Dr approves it.

You poor thing. It sounds so stressful. Well done for getting out to Tesco.

My DS suffers with bad nappy rash and I think Metanium always clears it the quickest.

Please text your HV. You are in need of support right now and you are just as entitled as people in a more deprived area. Don't let that stop you.

Do you feel as if you could go and stay with your parents for a few days? I know it's a drive but you'd have practical support and change of scenery. Forget about housework. I know it's not ideal whilst DD I'll but you could stop every half hour to change?

My MIL is similarly stoic and has at times implied she disapproves when I ask DH for help with DS rather than just doing everything myself .

I hope DD gets better soon.

I second the idea of going to your parents. Once the drive is over you'd have some help. Your husband is being a dick. It's always a worry when they are ill when so little and you know they can't tell you what's wrong or how they feel.

Oh no, I feel so bad for you, its horrible. My DS had this and his poor bum was so raw.

There’s not a huge amount you can do except keep up with fluid and bland foods. Nappy off time for the rash, but I’m not sure how that’s practical for an 11 month old on the move. Maybe bath twice a day? We also ditched wipes and just used old flannels etc and water until it was improved. Obv metaniun at every single change, but until the diahrrea is gone, it won’t go away.

If you think your mum wants to help then yes I third going to visit. And also consider the temporary lactose intolerance advice too as we were given that advice when my DS had this. No idea if it made a difference, but I just phased back him normal formula after a week or 2

I’d love to go to my parents but my Dad is immuno-compromised so I dare not take DD there. He’s not seen her face to face in maybe 4 months and may never see her again other than FaceTime.

I’m waiting on Partner coming in, he says he can come in for an hour or so but his dad isn’t pleased, usual stuff about how his mum managed... I said if it was one of his lambs he’d have had it in the infirmary pens and been harassing the vet by now.