Coping with a poorly baby. Struggling. DP says I’m overly dramatic

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Can anyone offer me some coping strategies? My partner just keeps telling me I’m being dramatic but I’m really struggling right now.

I have posted before about my DD and her being ill/severe upset stomach.

My 11 month old DD is poorly again. Second spell of diarrhoea in 3 weeks and we’re talking loads of it and loads of nappies. Consistency of gravy, sometimes 2/3 an hour. 5 days now. It has frightened me this time. She looks like she’s loosing weight now.

I do not feel I can go out because I need to be able to change her fast and I can’t get on top of the nappy rash.
I took her to the doctors on Friday night and they said push fluids but I don’t think I’m getting enough into her compared to what’s going out. I can’t imagine how I could be. I’m going to ring the doctors and ask for rehydration salts tomorrow morning.
We live remotely and I’m not seeing anyone because we can’t go to baby group whilst she’s ill.

I am mainly on my own as my partner works seven days a week and long days so it all falls to me. All the washing and cleaning her up. And everything else.

She has had countless other issues and has been investigated by the gastrointestinal consultant; is under paediatric care for reflux. She’s had bloods, elimination diets, stool samples all taken and analysed and nothing can be found.
She’s just a sickly one.

But it’s killing me. I hate this life.
No family or friends who could have her for a few hours; a childminder won’t take her whilst she’s got so a upset tummy, I’ve not seen anyone for a week other than partner who came home, has a beer and went to bed and left at 6am.

She’s been up since 6.30am. She had a burst out the nappy episode and has been deeply upset since. She is currently screaming in my arms and I just need her to fall asleep. I can’t put her down once she is asleep or she will scream again.

Writing this has made me cry.
I hate this.

I appreciate that this all about me and my beautiful DD is feeling worse than me no doubt.
But I don’t know what else to do. I feel like walking away but I couldn’t do that to her.

Snazzygoldfish; that diet is similar to what she has now; things like the not having whole meal bread and avoiding beans - it’s a shame because she loves beans on toast - are similar to the reflux recommendations.

The metanium looks to be helping already. I’ve switched to baby oil for cleaning her up.

As for my partner, that’s a discussion for another day. Our household division of jobs is unfairly split but he does a few things.
That said he’s currently upstairs with DD as I asked him to go and put her dummy in as she was whimpering and he threw her door open and talked to her loudly. He woke her up so he can deal with her. I will go up when the screaming starts.
Though she is playing him and keeps throwing the dummy out of her bed. That’s my girl.

I don't have much advice OP, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug! Keep persisting with the doctors, and I hope your little girl gets better soon X

I feel so sorry for you. It's crap, literally. You really need a break and some help.
I don't know how to say this without sounding harsh but the over the counter dioralyte could be too strong for her? pretty sure the doctors prescribe a junior version - just be careful as it's salts really.
I am sure this thread has a million suggestions but my two penneth -

• chamomile tea bags in the bath really help the bum
• Hipp organic milk used to help mine when they got like this I think it has more probiotics etc

I remember one time my daughter had it so bad it was literally yellow jelly. It is vile but it will go. Good luck!

Yes I mean temporary lactase deficiency, it is common after a bout of gastro and causes diarrhoea. Not a true allergy like CMPA (which my daughter has).

@Whyismycatanasshat when my daughter had really bad nappy rash, the health visitor (a very wise older lady!) suggested using the hair dryer (on medium!) to make sure the nappy area was fully dry before applying the sudocream/metanium cream. It did seem to help clear things up more quickly!

It’s getting worse. She’s happy in herself but the diarrhoea is getting worse. Dr still saying feed and hydrate. No need for Diaoralyte.
This morning it’s all over her, her bed and her pyjamas.
The house stinks.
Her backside looks a wee bit better.

I’m so tired.

If she’s well in herself she’s getting enough food and fluid from somewhere - hang on to that thought. I’m trying to think what’s so urgent on a farm at this time of the year that your dh can’t be spared for a few days- or work short days for a bit.
Is it worth going to A&E do you think? You might get to see. Paediatrician that way?

Bertrand he’s also a livestock haulier, so was off with the wagon this morning. That’s the business that will see us through after the not great year we’ve had.

I gave ring the Dr again and asked for another Dr to call me for a telephone appointment.
She has started grinding her teeth which she does when she’s in pain despite the paracetamol/calpol she’s had.

Ah, I understand- animals have to get to market. I would definitely think about A&E. And maybe trying your mil again however much you don’t want to....Even a couple of hours would help.

You can also get a stool analysis to check for any underlying infection

Please seek advice from your own GP, but I vaguely asked my DH about this (GP) and he said he'd prob do a stool sample at this stage.

The senior practitioner is fitting us in at 5pm. The surgery is about 20 minutes drive away so she’ll be back on her puppy pad to travel.

My partners mother declined to have her again today. Or come round here. She’s much too busy.

I have used 98 nappies in 6 days. We only use about 250 in a month normally.
My partner has at least said he will pick up another 200 before he comes home.

I would suggest temporarily stopping all milk and replacing with really diluted ribena / robinsons / vimto (think just the faintest pink). Sometimes bugs get worse with milk.

The poor little thing, and you - you must be shattered. I don’t have anything helpful to say except that you’re doing an absolutely amazing job, and that your daughter is lucky to have a mum like you x

Lactulose made a huge difference to my kids. Your baby will only be this tiny for a short time then before you know it she will be off to nursery. If you don’t want to go out, don’t. It’s natural to worry when the baby is so small. There is a huge pressure on new mother’s to do everything correctly which your partner probably doesn’t understand. Asa mother you feel your daughter’s pain as strongly as you would feel your own. Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time. It’s a shame that you can’t offload your worry onto your partner and that he isn’t supportive of you. Being isolated with a sickly baby is the worst, you have all my sympathy. Sorry I can’t offer any advice but I really hope things ease for you and her soon.

Glad you have an appointment for her later.
I agree with the PPs who suggested a stool sample. If you can get one to give them today that would be ideal. But also ask them for some spare stool sample pots to take home, in case you need to get more in future (you may well do).

Also they should weigh her (ask them to if they don't) and if she's losing weight they will hopefully take it more seriously.

I can’t believe your MIL is refusing to help. Is she genuinely super busy with stuff that can’t wait, or just making a point, do you think?

I think she needs fluids in a hospital. Cant believe your dr isnt taking things seriously

I think she needs admitting to hospital too. Make sure you tell the doctor she is losing weight.

Two Doctors saw her and said to keep her at home and keep going with what I’m doing.

They both think she’s got a virus.

The senior practitioner said it was unusual to be this violent but not unheard of. I’ve to give her whatever she will eat and drink. If I’m trying her on squash, Black current juice is easier on her tummy than orange.

DD provided them a sample there and then so that’s getting sent as urgent. The senior doctor said he wanted results back in 12 hours.

At least they’re testing her sample.
Blimming shame.

If you've got the energy, perhaps send something through to the paediatrician tomorrow so they are kept up to date. The hospital should be able to give you the paed dr secretary email.
So sorry you can't get more help, this must be so awful (((OP)))

When you said your DH vowed to put his family first, did he mean his parents? If so, that's a strange attitude for a grown man, but also he was quite clear wasn't he? You and dd are not important. His parents and his job come before you both.

If your dd is like mine she might carry on being sickly for the next 10 years!! You need support. I'd start thinking long term about what benefits there are staying where you are now, and if there are any benefits of moving closer to your family.

I would ask your DH how he would plan his visitation of your DD when you leave him. He choice then is either to find the time off or willingly leave his daughters life. If he says he would have to find time ask him why he would do it then but not to save his marriage.