Coping with a poorly baby. Struggling. DP says I’m overly dramatic

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Can anyone offer me some coping strategies? My partner just keeps telling me I’m being dramatic but I’m really struggling right now.

I have posted before about my DD and her being ill/severe upset stomach.

My 11 month old DD is poorly again. Second spell of diarrhoea in 3 weeks and we’re talking loads of it and loads of nappies. Consistency of gravy, sometimes 2/3 an hour. 5 days now. It has frightened me this time. She looks like she’s loosing weight now.

I do not feel I can go out because I need to be able to change her fast and I can’t get on top of the nappy rash.
I took her to the doctors on Friday night and they said push fluids but I don’t think I’m getting enough into her compared to what’s going out. I can’t imagine how I could be. I’m going to ring the doctors and ask for rehydration salts tomorrow morning.
We live remotely and I’m not seeing anyone because we can’t go to baby group whilst she’s ill.

I am mainly on my own as my partner works seven days a week and long days so it all falls to me. All the washing and cleaning her up. And everything else.

She has had countless other issues and has been investigated by the gastrointestinal consultant; is under paediatric care for reflux. She’s had bloods, elimination diets, stool samples all taken and analysed and nothing can be found.
She’s just a sickly one.

But it’s killing me. I hate this life.
No family or friends who could have her for a few hours; a childminder won’t take her whilst she’s got so a upset tummy, I’ve not seen anyone for a week other than partner who came home, has a beer and went to bed and left at 6am.

She’s been up since 6.30am. She had a burst out the nappy episode and has been deeply upset since. She is currently screaming in my arms and I just need her to fall asleep. I can’t put her down once she is asleep or she will scream again.

Writing this has made me cry.
I hate this.

I appreciate that this all about me and my beautiful DD is feeling worse than me no doubt.
But I don’t know what else to do. I feel like walking away but I couldn’t do that to her.

Lactose lactose lactose.... please try a lactose-free diet for 3-5 days and see how you go

CMPA?
www.allergyuk.org/information-and-advice/conditions-and-symptoms/469-cows-milk-allergy

It's not lactose! It's incredibly rare for babies to be lactose intolerant (there's lactose in all milk including human breast milk).

Most babies and children are allergic to cow's milk protein.

This means that the diet has to be dairy free, not lactose free (lactose free dairy products still contain cow's milk protein).

Could it be an allergy to something in the formula milk?

We’ve done dairy free; several weeks worth as the consultant wanted to rule out CMPA. After reviewing, she was happy that baby did not have CMPA.

I am giving her an own brand calpol too. As Calpol has sorbitol that makes her reflux worse. She is fairly happy in herself. Clingy and tired but that is to be expected.

OP if you have the money, I'd strongly recommend an appointment with a private paediatrician. One of the symptoms my granddaughter had of coeliac disease was persistent diarrhoea and very persistent nappy rash. She also had dark circles under her eyes, was very underactive for her age and eventually when the gluten built up enough, she kept vomitting. She was 13 months when diagnosed - we paid for DD to take her privately, it was around £160 for a 45 minute appointment and she knew straightaway what the issue was. She then moved DGD sideways into the NHS system, and her care since has been outstanding.

She also had terrible reflux, btw.

You sound like you are doing amazingly in a very hard situation. It a shame you don't have anyone to call on who is willing to help. They should all be ashamed, sadly especially your husband

I'm assuming your husband taking a day or 2 leave from the family business is not a viable option.

I have no great advice but want to reiterate you sound like you are doing everything possible for your daughter and a great job. 💐💐💐💐

This sounds so tough, OP and you're doing an amazing job.

Just in terms of nappy rash... try using plenty of olive oil to clean rather than water. It's much less abrasive on the skin and forms a 'coat' to protect the skin.

It's not lactose! It's incredibly rare for babies to be lactose intolerant

It is very common for children to experience a temporary lactose intolerance for a few weeks after a diarrhoeal illness, the temporary lactose intolerance causes more diarrhoea

Op this sounds really shit. You are doing everything you can. I would find the behaviour of your ‘partner’ and his family intolerable. I put that in inverted commas because this just doesn’t sound like a partnership - you are doing everything on your own. What exactly does he contribute?

I think that at the very least he needs to find a way to help you to visit your sick father as a matter of urgency. If he can’t prioritise that then, really, he should be ashamed of himself.

Yes good point, sorry!

Cross post I was replying to TheMould

Couple of things OP.

1. Do not use any type of water or wipes to remove the cream on her bum. Use oil (olive oil, baby oil) and cotton wool. Using wipes or water tears the skin more. Slather on the metanium.
2. It doesn’t sound like an infection any more, so I really do think you would be ok to go to your parents.
3. I’m a nurse and recently spoke to one of our consultants about a child I know as the mum was very concerned. The child was pre school but older than your wee one. Consultant (gastro dr) said 80% of kids suffer gastric symptoms for up to 3 yrs following a serious tummy bug. And the dairy can definitely be an issue after a bug, so maybe explore that with your Gp?
4. The life you have with your DH now is the way it will be forever. I couldn’t stick it. You must make a proper life for yourself there, friends help etc. Or even better, move home! Hope things settle down soon.

Span1elsRock That is something for me to consider doing, thank you.

Whilst I do not wish to vilify my partner I am struggling to accept his actions. He always vowed his family would come first but that was before DD came along.

My 9 month old was like this. She had undiagnosed CMPA.

You poor thing, it sounds awful. My little boy had a similar thing at around your baby's age. Please seek medical advice but our doctor told me to not give him anything to eat apart from digestive biscuits and water for 24 hours. The biscuits only when he was really hungry. She said it was because his tummy needed a break to recover. It worked brilliantly! Please get medical advise first though. For his bum which was red raw, I discovered weleda calandula cream with metanium on top cleared it up really fast. And the Calandula stopped the pain. Finally I tried this diet in the longer term and it's worked well for him. I also gave him probiotics which really helped but he was a bit older. Please get medical advice but this is what worked for me. Good luck xxx

www.nnuh.nhs.uk/publication/download/dietary-management-of-toddler-diarrhoea-10-1-9/

Speak to your GO about the nappy rash too, my DD was prescribed Timodine when Metanium wasn’t cutting it.
It will get better soon, take it easy in the mean time.

"My partner is part of a family business. There will never be any change to his hours. That’s how it is in his industry. His father expects him to do exactly as he says or leave. My partner will not rock the boat. I only know a little of how my partners brother was struck out of the family, due to disagreements with his father, so my partner probably fears the same treatment."

I'm really sorry to say this because I know it's far too late now. But he was clearly never father material, given the situation.

You need to think very seriously about ending the relationship. What is the point of such an absent partner who does not do any parenting (and I'm assuming zero housework too, although I guess that's bottom of the priority list while you survive with DD). I think you will most probably feel huge amounts of hurt and resentment about how much he has been letting you down, and those feelings with poison the relationship.

GP

Obviously I don't know the guy but based on what you've said, I'm guessing that the only hope of him changing his work (and risking a huge family fallout) is if he genuinely stood to lose you - which means an ultimate, but it will be meaningless unless you're prepared to follow through.

A big decision though and probably not one you can make when you're elbow deep in baby poo and on your knees with stress and exhaustion

*ultimatum

OP, I think I read your previous post. Sending you all my sympathy.

You need to take a mental step back and assess the situation. You're not getting family help, so this is down to you (don't worry about why right now, just accept it.) You need to be the lioness for your baby.

Get the GP surgery to give to a full list of all the test results and treatments your baby has had, printed out.
Take that list, and the baby, to a private paediatrician if you can afford it. If you can't, ask for a referral to a paediatrician in your nearest teaching hospital and take the list and the baby to them.

It is a priority that a properly competent senior paediatrician with many years of experience has a good look at your baby. Do whatever it takes to make this happen.

OP I know you're getting dietary advice which you may not really want at the mo, especially as you have done lots of research / diagnoses etc already. But one thing you have said makes me want to tell you this: It could be the orange juice. My daughter has reflux / gastro issues and oranges are a big problem for her. I think it's histamine related (citrus is a histamine liberator), but from my research I know lots of people get reflux and gut problems from orange. My DD also can't tolerate sorbitol, I have to buy sorbitol free toothpaste. So I dont know if that's related too. I know it's only very diluted orange squash, but on a sensitive stomach I think the acid from Citrus might make things worse. Maybe try sticking to water? Hope that helps xxx

Also midwives and GPs recommend giving orange juice to little babies when they're constipated as it helps make them poo.... so probably not what you need!