Coping with a poorly baby. Struggling. DP says I’m overly dramatic

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Can anyone offer me some coping strategies? My partner just keeps telling me I’m being dramatic but I’m really struggling right now.

I have posted before about my DD and her being ill/severe upset stomach.

My 11 month old DD is poorly again. Second spell of diarrhoea in 3 weeks and we’re talking loads of it and loads of nappies. Consistency of gravy, sometimes 2/3 an hour. 5 days now. It has frightened me this time. She looks like she’s loosing weight now.

I do not feel I can go out because I need to be able to change her fast and I can’t get on top of the nappy rash.
I took her to the doctors on Friday night and they said push fluids but I don’t think I’m getting enough into her compared to what’s going out. I can’t imagine how I could be. I’m going to ring the doctors and ask for rehydration salts tomorrow morning.
We live remotely and I’m not seeing anyone because we can’t go to baby group whilst she’s ill.

I am mainly on my own as my partner works seven days a week and long days so it all falls to me. All the washing and cleaning her up. And everything else.

She has had countless other issues and has been investigated by the gastrointestinal consultant; is under paediatric care for reflux. She’s had bloods, elimination diets, stool samples all taken and analysed and nothing can be found.
She’s just a sickly one.

But it’s killing me. I hate this life.
No family or friends who could have her for a few hours; a childminder won’t take her whilst she’s got so a upset tummy, I’ve not seen anyone for a week other than partner who came home, has a beer and went to bed and left at 6am.

She’s been up since 6.30am. She had a burst out the nappy episode and has been deeply upset since. She is currently screaming in my arms and I just need her to fall asleep. I can’t put her down once she is asleep or she will scream again.

Writing this has made me cry.
I hate this.

I appreciate that this all about me and my beautiful DD is feeling worse than me no doubt.
But I don’t know what else to do. I feel like walking away but I couldn’t do that to her.

And she is still eating and drinking; I just don’t feel milk, water and her usual meals will be replacing the salts etc she’s flushing out.

She managed the hour to Tesco and back but has just had three huge, horrible nappies in just over an hour.

Is there anyone local that could pop round to hold her just for 1/2 hour during the day so you could grab a shower? This sounds so hard for you. It will get better - I promise - and you sound like you are doing so well!

Or even a friend you could go and stay with for a few days that could help out?

Have you tried talking directly to your dp’s mother or is she crap too?

Is she eating as well as whatever fluids she's having?

Agree metanium is fab. Put loads on to create a real barrier.

Whisked up egg whites slathered onto her butt will also work wonders. Especially with bare bum time (on a towel...just incase).

Even if she is crap she might be prepared to help?

You need to really spell it out to your partner and tell him you need his help. You don't need to justify it. Just stick up for yourself. I had a similar problem with my ex-DH, it's really crap and I came to realise that unless I spelt it out, he wouldn't do it. I do think partly he was just clueless. And I was bad at asking for help and telling him what I needed. Bad combination! Are you breast feeding? If so you need to make sure you stop eating dairy yourself while you're breast feeding (if you go down the dairy elimination route). Is there anything else unusual you are eating that could be affecting him? Anything spicy or lots of any one thing?
Sympathies OP, it is so, so hard.

Gosh this is so so hard. You are already a wonder woman. What a wonderful mum. Your partner needs to help more! That's not fair at all. And agree that must be very scary I hope the doctors can help

op you need you stop caring about others and do what you NEED. hand baby over to DP and leave the house. if MIL found it so easy with 4 then a few hours with 1 should be a doddle. be a CF who cares?! you need to move to survival mode! hope dd is better soon

His mum is very much of the “well I managed with 4 under 5, just get on with it” opinion. Which isn’t helpful.

My partner has been home so I’ve showered, I still feel rubbish but I can’t smell poo on myself now. So that’s a boost.

He thinks she’s improving; I don’t as the nappies are less frequent but much more full of the badness.

I also know there’s not a lot the Doctor can do for her, we just have to ride the storm.

Sadly with farming families you'll never win.
As a female you'll be expected to undertake 100% of domestic and childcare duties regardless if you work or don't have a job outside the home.
I'm surprised that they've not roped you in to mucking our cows with your ill baby strapped to your chest.
They have a martyr attitude and think working 100 plus hours a week cancels out the need to participate in family life. They take a pride in being persistently knackered and overworked.
Any childcare will be seen ask 'doing you a favour'.
There are other options.

For those asking; she is eating and drinking as usual.
She is bottle fed and has come down to three 150ml bottles a day as she has three proper meals a day and drinks quite a bit of water normally.
I have given her a few sips of very diluted orange squash throughout the last few days just to get some extra sugars and whatnot into her. That is not usual for her and she is not liking the sips but I just try to help her.

chestnuttmare Since my DD was born I feel like I have had blinkers removed.
I would like to think my partner would want to be more help but is not being allowed to challenge the way things have always been done.
But I am doubting that too.

Survival mode indeed.

I’m sorry to labour the point- but have you specifically asked your mil for help? A lot of these well I managed people
actually have to have it spelled out for them- they need very direct communication. Ignore me if you already have -but in my experience people often don’t ask for what they need so don’t get it.

Bertrand - I text yesterday and she didn’t reply; this morning she was “too busy.”

Where in the country are you OP? I wish I could come and help

Oh OP my heart goes out to you.

Right so you cannot rely on those who should be supporting you so let's stop flogging a dead horse.

If she is eating and drinking as normal that's good.
Maybe try water in between feeds to up the fluids she is losing in the nappies.
Have you given calpol as gastro issues are also painful.

I had a play pen and when DS had this I covered the base in old table cloths/sheets and towels and plonked him in there naked after his last poppy nappy but before any more food.
It did give me only 20 minutes of not holding him time but it was enough for me to grab a sandwich and a brew.
Yes it was a bit of a clean up afterwards but it gave me the respite to start all over again and I just binned everything. Plus the air to his bum helped with the God awful nappy rash. It was so bad it bled

I am having a rubbish few days too but bless your heart your troubles have made me give my head a wobble

To those who have replied, I am very grateful. I don’t feel quiet so alone today.

I’m going to put her on towels on our bathroom floor for a while before her bath and air her backside as at least in there I can clean up easily.

My partner has gone back to work, promising to be in early but his early and mine are different and baby will have gone to bed by then.

I suppose this is compounded by the fact I’d like to see my Dad but can’t take the baby with me as she’s never been well enough and when my partner has said he could have her for a long afternoon, invariably she’s been poorly and I don’t want to go on my own in case I give something to my Dad.

I knew having a baby was going to be hard but I never expected this.

I'm glad the virtual support has helped. It does sound really tough going.

I'm disappointed for you that your closest family won't help. They could make it so much easier and less lonely with a little kindness.

OP this sounds so so tough.

Are you sure she is "ill"? If it's diarrhea which she gets regularly it might be something she's eating? I know you are under paeds etc so hopefully you will get some answers.

But if she isn't actually "ill" with a bug I'd take her to your mum and dads. There's a difference between ill with a bug and having diarrhea due to dietary problems. I get migraines which make me sick. I don't avoid immuno compromised people afterwards because I know it wasn't a bug that made me sick.

A stay away might help focus your partners mind too.

I am convinced it’s illness related; we have done so many food diaries, elimination of foods for weeks at a time, including dairy and gluten, I am so careful about adding new food stuffs to her diet and so forth. Nothing seems to tally up.
She has also had several medical tests and consultations with various paediatric specialists only to conclude there’s nothing untoward other than reflux.
Which is currently well managed and she has come on leaps and bounds since she was diagnosed.
Until just a matter of weeks ago.

A lovely poster has messaged me about farming family groups on Facebook so I may resurrect my Facebook account and look into those.

Coconut water and bananas naturally have the salts that rehydration salts have, and a baby is unlikely to take too much of either of those. It might be too late today, but you know for next time! I guess a doctor has to approve rehydration salts for the dosage.
Poop can seem like an awful lot, but if DD is having 450ml of milk she should be OK. The liquid isnt coming out as wee, just very funny poop.

Sorry, no advice on dealing with family! As you're part of the family now could you job share with your DH at all? A change is almost as good as a rest and if you swapped roles he might start to appreciate how unreasonable he's being.

Have you tried a probiotic? Might help sort out her gut

Oh OP
Has anyone suggested giving her calpol? Her bum must be causing her pain and she may have stomach cramps so calpol might make her feel better. Sorry if I've missed that you are giving it.
Metanium is great. We used that on the wards for our elderly and incontinent patients. Gently pat it on as it's really thick stuff and doesn't spread well although manages to get everywhere.
I hope she's better soon and that you get some support along with some answers as to what is causing it. From what you've said she's eating and drinking well so will be absorbing more than you think. However I'd be getting her back to the GPs tomorrow and pushing for a second opinion.