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Original poster

In laws coming to stay when baby is due

179 replies

Mummma2be · 16/11/2019 22:07

Hi all,

I need some advice. My in-laws have decided they’re coming over from Australia when my first baby is due. They will be staying with us and bringing their 2 teenage sons for 2 weeks. I’m horrified. This means I’ll have 4 extra people in my small house while I’m going into the first stages of labour as well as the few weeks of my babies life when my partner and I will be adjusting to life as new parents and trying to bond as a new family. It’s making me so anxious as I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy and I just don’t know what to do about handling this.
Everytime I bring it up with my partner he just doesn’t really say anything and tries to change the subject.

How did you deal with your in-laws staying over this period? Do I just have to get over it and deal with the fact that things aren’t going to be how I wanted them to be? It’s seriously causing me so much stress :(

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 17/11/2019 06:59

How horribly selfish of them.
Your DH is a tool.

Prevegen4U · 17/11/2019 07:11

I would not put up with this at all. Tell them no.

Although it's been decades, I remember going into labour at 3am and running a bath. I tried to soak as much as I could but had to keep getting up to pace around the house. I remember my little pre-pregnancy dressing gown couldn't fit across my big belly so I was a bit exposed. After soaking and pacing for a few hours I woke my husband up to tell him I was in labour. I couldn't imagine four visitors in the house during that time! They would have seen me mostly exposed!

Then once home with my new little baby I'd take him into the living room at night to breast feed. (We lived in a very small single story house back then). I cannot imagine two teenage boys in the living room during this time. What the hell are they all thinking?

When you have a newborn you are just living for them, no one else. I don't even remember getting dressed in anything but sleep wear and there was milk leaking from my boobs all the time.. My tops were soaked through.

No way would I go along with this.

Mayborn · 17/11/2019 07:18

No way, and you need to tell them today. If they kick up a fuss then tell them they should have asked before booking tickets.

Will your parents change their plans for you to stay with them if need be?

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Mummyoflittledragon · 17/11/2019 07:19

Just no. How incredibly rude. Absolutely no point in them coming and staying elsewhere unless they are prepared to only visit for a couple of hours a day max. Their presence will even then possibly still be too much.

I’d give them 2 choices, move the date or stay in an air bnb and you go to your mums after the birth.

You won’t want them around even if you’re still pregnant. The last few weeks are very uncomfortable and I’m sure you don’t want to go into labour in front of 2 teenaged boys. Ffs.

Do not let them stay with you under any circumstances. There will be somewhere for them to stay even if it’s a fair drive. It’s rude enough coming as a couple but bringing 2 boys along. Just no. I’m so angry for you. 🤬

BlouseAndSkirt · 17/11/2019 07:25

You need to be absolutely straight with your DH.

Honestly in your position I would tell him they change their tickets or you will go and stay at your Mum’s or sister’s from the week before your due date until a week after the baby is born.

Have you tried to get accommodation for them?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 17/11/2019 07:29

Another one here with leaking giant boobs, a baby who wouldn't latch (nips on show most of the time) and I was unable to wear a bra for days.

Lounge out of action would tip me over the edge. I often went downstairs in the night with both DCs so I could feed in comfort watching TV. DH then had a good sleep at night so I could then nap during the day.

This will ruin those early days together. They change their tickets or find accommodation. Them hiring a car is also a great idea so they can get out and about.

AwdBovril · 17/11/2019 07:40

DD was a horrible sleeper from birth. I was downstairs in the living room with her for a couple of hours most nights until she started sleeping through. And then pretty regularly until about 3 or 4 years old. I was really glad both our neighbours were old & deaf.

HuggedTrees · 17/11/2019 07:42

Your relationship is over with them now anyway. Either they come and you end up killing your DJ for allowing it and you never went to see them again. Or you tell them to piss off now and get some angst but you get to have your baby in peace. You’ll never get that time back and they must be CFers to even think this is ok to ask???

Liking the offers of stables though.

SnowsInWater · 17/11/2019 07:48

If they can afford four adult tickets from Aus they can afford to pay for accommodation for two weeks. In some ways the fact the you do not have room to put them up should make it easier, it's not a question of don't want to, it's just not possible. Tell your DH to grow a pair and tell them.

TwiddleMuff · 17/11/2019 07:49

No. No no nononononononononono.
Good god, your DH is being a dick. Tell him that either they rebook, stay in a hotel, or you'll be off post birth with your new baby.

Mrsmarrs · 17/11/2019 07:52

I forgot to mention this will be the last time you and your DH are by yourself. You'll want to try and enjoy that time as just the two of you.

Honestly I am really shocked that your in-laws think this is a good idea.

Apolloanddaphne · 17/11/2019 07:52

Chances are you won't even have the baby in the period they are there. If you do go into labour though u can't imagine anything worse than have long other people in the house. Look outside your town for accommodation for them. Surely they can be a drive away and hire a car?

WaningGibbous · 17/11/2019 07:53

For the last two weeks of pregnancy I could not get comfortable and had insomnia and was starving so spent most nights dozing on the sofa with 50 cushions around me and stuffing my face with food and watching Homes under the Hammer.

During early labour I needed to pace around and empty the entire contents of my stomach and intestines (sometimes at the same time.)

After the birth I soaked the bedsheets most nights with blood, sweat, milk or urine. Then the baby would wee or puke - either way there was a lot of 2am sheet changes. The baby cried, I cried; there was noise and distress and i needed access to the bathroom for a shower and to change pads at all times of day. And the fridge! I also needed to air my stitches and/or my breasts at various times.

Those few weeks are the worst time to have people, even those you love, in your house 24 hours a day. Even with the most straightforward easy birth and a perfect baby you are going to feel like you've been hit by a steamroller. And you need to feel your partner has your back - not be seething that he has lumbered you with his visitors.

Holeymoley1 · 17/11/2019 07:57

Why are you depending on dh to say something?! OP you are a grown woman (I presume) its very simple (yes! It really is) you call them up and say.

“On further reflection and talks with my midwife etc I have come to realise that your being here at the end of my pregnancy/due date/ early days with baby is not very conducive, for lots of reasons.

  1. I will be very tired/emotional/ possibly in pain. (Two teenage boys don’t need to be subjected to that)
  2. It’s my first baby and so there is a strong possibility I may go over due date (making point no1 even more exacerbated)
  3. I want to try breastfeeding, get used to baby in my home without so many ppl around.”
So as much as I would like to see you all (and this is the important part OP) “THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR ME” “I love you all but this is all new to me I would like to keep it simple”

OP...Don’t let them minimize anything, try to convince you otherwise etc etc

Tell them to change their flights to a later date or book separate accommodation (whichever is cheaper/easier)

stucknoue · 17/11/2019 08:00

There's a good chance they will miss the birth completely then, many babies are up to 2 weeks late, others are early. It's worth talking to friends and neighbours to see if anyone is out of town and wouldn't mind them staying, we've done that for friends

MsTSwift · 17/11/2019 08:01

We were up every 4 hours in the night blundering around getting food changing feeding. No way could we have had two visitors in the sitting room? This is such an inappropriate plan amazed mil gone along with it presumably she has given birth herself?

isitxmasyet · 17/11/2019 08:13

OP please show your DH this thread

Not only is the whole thing insensitive madness it could well risk your slate given the effect it may have on your early labour, your postnatal recovery and rest, your breast feeding journey and your Postnatal mental health.

This is actually one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here and I’m not exaggerating.

isitxmasyet · 17/11/2019 08:13

Health not slate!!

fee1234 · 17/11/2019 08:21

Omg no OP you need space in your home to recover!! I was literally topless for 3 weeks PP, and had a nasty episiotomy infection so I needed access to shower every couple of hours and my midwife would examine me in the living room because I could hardly walk. And I bled and leaked milk so much and had a bloody washing on every day or so (sheets and big stuff).

It will be the ultimate intrusion if they do this to you!!!

Yoollyball · 17/11/2019 08:46

Are there relatives on your side who could host them instead? It is a big ask for 2 weeks - but it highlights what an exceptionally enormous and crass ask staying with a pregnant probably imsomniac or brand new exhausted and breastfeeding mum is!

Yoollyball · 17/11/2019 08:55

Call the or email if you've not done so already. You are not able to host - you need privacy and access to all areas of your house. You cannot host guests - it is too much to deal with with the baby.

Sleepyhead19 · 17/11/2019 08:59

No way. Tell them change the tickets. It was absolutely unreasonable of them to book without your say so, so tough if they have to pay extra to change them. They can come a couple of months later!
You need time and space to adjust when you have a baby, time to bond with your baby and for both of you to learn how to breastfeed (assuming you will) without distractions.
You need to tell your husband to sort this out. Your feelings matter, especially at such a special but vulnerable time!
My ex is moving out just before my baby is due and I’ve already told him when his parents visit from a distance, they are only staying for an hour then they are going, like it or not. All I will end up doing is making tea constantly otherwise and if anyone thinks I’m up for that, they can think again. If the weather is ok, I’m telling the ex he can take the baby to a local cafe for an hour to meet them after a feed because o will be on my own with the kids and need space and rest, as will you.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 17/11/2019 09:05

No no and no!! I'd be telling them they need to change the ticket dates for a month later. Jesus I couldn't even see straight in the first few weeks jet skins have other people staying in my house... tbh if it goes ahead I'd move out with the baby until they leave

Yoollyball · 17/11/2019 09:09

I would even have them a month later you still need privacy and space baby may not yet know night from day.Its the teenagers in the livingroom that is the problem - with a small baby that is going to be a big issue regarded f when they come.

You no longer have space to have anymore than two guests post baby (and have space for none with a brand new baby!)

Yoollyball · 17/11/2019 09:10

I would not - that should be!

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