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Original poster

In laws coming to stay when baby is due

179 replies

Mummma2be · 16/11/2019 22:07

Hi all,

I need some advice. My in-laws have decided they’re coming over from Australia when my first baby is due. They will be staying with us and bringing their 2 teenage sons for 2 weeks. I’m horrified. This means I’ll have 4 extra people in my small house while I’m going into the first stages of labour as well as the few weeks of my babies life when my partner and I will be adjusting to life as new parents and trying to bond as a new family. It’s making me so anxious as I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy and I just don’t know what to do about handling this.
Everytime I bring it up with my partner he just doesn’t really say anything and tries to change the subject.

How did you deal with your in-laws staying over this period? Do I just have to get over it and deal with the fact that things aren’t going to be how I wanted them to be? It’s seriously causing me so much stress :(

OP posts:
Delatron · 16/11/2019 22:46

No way.
What a terrible idea. Put your foot down now before they’ve booked their flights. This will ruin your precious first weeks with your newborn. Do not let it happen. I have no idea what your DH is thinking of.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 22:47

Also are you booked in for C Sec / induction? Cos if you go two weeks over they'll miss it, which is crazy given the distance

Drum2018 · 16/11/2019 22:47

They don't get to invite themselves to stay with you. Let them book an airbnb if they wish to come. Tell your Dh there is no way you are willing to accommodate them, entertain them, cook for them, clean and get the beds ready etc. If they stay in alternative accommodation they can do their own thing and visit you and Dh and baby when it suits you, not them. I wouldn't back down on this and your Dh is a dick if he doesn't stand up for you. If he is completely unwilling to tell his family they cannot stay at your house then do it yourself. And don't feel one bit bad for it.

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chuck7 · 16/11/2019 22:50

You need to tell them no, NOW. Just no way. Who wants to host other people post partum with a newborn to look after? Especially with teenagers around. Just no.

Original poster
Mummma2be · 16/11/2019 22:52

Yes, they’ve booked their tickets already, from a few days before my due date until a week and a half after my due date.

OP posts:
WoWsers16 · 16/11/2019 22:54

Oh bless you! Really feel for you in this situation and it sounds like it's all been planned and prepared and there's not much that can be done- however your OH should be saying more! Those first few weeks is not just about bonding and routines - but also the fact that not washing hair/ boobs out if breastfeeding and PJ days are the norm ( well for me anyway hehe) so it's so important to feel comfortable and it's not fair that you should feel uncomfortable. You either have to be more forceful to your OH and his family, or just lump it- which will be hard especially with 2 teenagers! Xx

WoWsers16 · 16/11/2019 22:55

Or just hope you go over due!!

Elpheba · 16/11/2019 22:55

If you’re a first time mum they might miss even meeting the baby! Not unusual to go overdue with the first. I agree YANBU to tell your DP that they need to find somewhere else to stay. Start as you mean to go on and only have guests to stay that you have both agreed on.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 22:58

Do you have any family that could help out?

In yor position I'd find it really hard to tell them to cancel potentially thousands of pounds worth of tickets, even if it would serve them right. However I'd tell DH categorically he will be doing it all - prepping the house for them, and cooking, entertaining etc. If you're planning in bf'ing don't hide away to do it, let them feel awkward and leave.

Where will they even be sleeping if your house is thst small?

Ambivert · 16/11/2019 23:00

Get mad op. Give your DH an absolute bollocking and tell him if this is how poorly he’s going to advocate for you then you’re not sure you can trust him going forward! ☹️

mamma536 · 16/11/2019 23:04

Also are you booked in for C Sec / induction? Cos if you go two weeks over they'll miss it, which is crazy given the distance

This is exactly what happened to me. My parents visited from the other side of the world at the end of my pregnancy, I was very overdue, my dad missed it completely and didn't meet DS for another year, my mum pushed back her flight for another week and only saw DS for a couple hours before she had to leave for her flight.

Montypontypine · 16/11/2019 23:04

Well, anything up to two weeks late is considered a normal delivery time so they might miss it completely. It is pretty thoughtless of them and your OH. They'd be better off coming a month later, could they not change the dates of their tickets?

happychange · 16/11/2019 23:06

Blimey you have a DH issue rather than an in law issue

Just say no? It would not be fun trying to get to grips with breastfeeding etc with extra house guests and teenage boys.

My mil stayed over when DS was born but in the end we kicked her out after 2 days as it all just got a bit too much

Ihatesundays · 16/11/2019 23:07

I should add I had visitors overnight when DC1 was about 5 days old.
It was less than 24 hours but it was awful. I remember having to eat at the dining room table and falling asleep. I was also in my PJs and generally felt disgusting. There was pressure to make conversation, fine for a short visit - for hours and hours.

Also new to BF and teenagers about ...not ideal...

fairgroundsnack · 16/11/2019 23:10

With any luck you will be late and they’ll miss it completely...

AcrossthePond55 · 16/11/2019 23:10

Oh dear. I'd be begging my local relatives for a place to stay with my new baby. Is there any chance that one of your family can cancel having out of town relatives to stay and have you instead? I'm serious!

Will the airline give your family a flight credit or let them rebook for later dates? You say that all BnB/hotels 'will be booked', by that do you mean they already are or that they will be soon? Because I'd be ringing phones off the hook right now to find them a place to stay, even if it was in the next town....or the town beyond that one.....or the town beyond that one. You get my drift.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/11/2019 23:11

your husband's family. Not yours.

Xyzzzzz · 16/11/2019 23:12

I guess it depends on what they’re like. I had in laws come and stay three weeks after birth and it was terrible. They did the cooking but I had to do all the cleaning and manage my LO. But some people have positive stories. What’s your relationship like?

mummabubs · 16/11/2019 23:12

That does sound tough and I'd not enjoy that. (I found having in-laws travel over en masse on day 2 completely overwhelming and they only stayed for 6 hours). The only day of hope I can give is that even though they've booked until 1.5 weeks after your due date you might not have had baby by time they leave... Coming from someone who went to 42+1 and have to have an induction to coax (read forcibly extract) DS from me!!

pickingdaisies · 16/11/2019 23:14

So when your DH gets vague, it's time for you to get very clear. Tell him he has to find somewhere else for them to stay. No ifs no buts. Ask friends and family for ideas, it's time to mobilise.

Original poster
Mummma2be · 16/11/2019 23:15

SleepingStandingUp we have 1 spare room which the in-laws will be in and I’m assuming the 2 boys will in the living room, this is the main reason I’m stressed as it means I’m limited to my own bedroom at night as the kitchen in connected to the living room. So if I need to get up and make noise I’ll feel like I won’t be able to.

OP posts:
SkaterGrrrrl · 16/11/2019 23:15

I spent my first 2 weeks after giving birth sitting around crying topless. No way would I want my in-laws there.

Teachermaths · 16/11/2019 23:18

Could you move to your parents after birth?

Your dh should have put his foot down before they booked anything.

Crunchymum · 16/11/2019 23:19

If your town is full, send them to another town, or another town.

They cannot stay with you and its shame both you and your DH are being so passive about this.

Delatron · 16/11/2019 23:19

There’s no ‘sucking it up’ here. This is your house and you will have just given birth. The baby will be crying in the night. You will be feeding (with boobs out) constantly. I can’t believe anybody thinks this will be a good idea. Your mental health and recovery and bonding with the baby is so important.
You need to tell your DH this won’t happen. They need to stay elsewhere.