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My son is 9 and can barely kick a ball.

173 replies

FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 22:47

My son is the.laziest child I've ever met. He even complains about walking the dog. His lack of physical motivation has always been a bone of contention...despite judo sailing cricket tennis and all sorts of other activities that I've tried him on, generally a term at a time. We try to instill discipline and robustness in our children and ourselves but he has always actively hated football.

His school is v sporty and he is the only boy in his class left out of an upcoming football fixture (there are 3 classes so I'm sure he won't be alone).

But I think at 9 he is definitely too old to do beginners football classes.... We can afford 1 to 1 football coaching but despite the fact that he is devastated about being left out, I can't see him actively participating... Even in a coaching session.. Yet he is too young to write himself off as being unsporty. It's obviously only going to further erode his confidence unless I sort out his attitude but that is v difficult.

Has anybody else had a child like this, did you turn it around and do beginner classes exist for football at his age?

OP posts:
FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 22:49

I realise I sound harsh, I'm not, if anything I haven't forced him to take up sports being trying them out.

OP posts:
loutypips · 04/11/2019 22:53

Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he has to like football!
Give him some options of what he wants to do, don't force him into doing activities that he won't enjoy.

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2019 22:55

I thought your post was about a child with dyspraxia. Confused
Boys don’t have to like football. Hmm

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Tableclothing · 04/11/2019 22:55

Is it definitely laziness or does he find these things difficult? How's his coordination generally?

Bunnybigears · 04/11/2019 22:55

Let him choose something he wants to do why even consider football coaching for a child who dislikes football?

Itsreallymehonest · 04/11/2019 22:56

I honestly wouldn't bother op. It isnt football he is bothered about, it's just the fact that he feels a bit left out. My children aren't sporty in the team sport sense, but really enjoy country sports - shooting, archery, bushcraft etc. They also play music and are the biggest book worms. Hobbies are important, and as long as your child has an interest in something he enjoys, then that's all that matters.

Sammy867 · 04/11/2019 22:57

A lot of the sports you have mentioned are more team sports or group exercises. Have you tried something that is done by himself? Some people don’t like the group aspects of those sports.

Climbing or bouldering would be a good start as it has added challenge and easy to see the rewards quicker to stay better motivated I.e getting to the top

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 04/11/2019 22:58

If he hates football don't make him do it in a pressurised 1:1situation, far better to have a kick around in the garden and park with you than have pressure on him to achieve.

Why not try a less full on sport like climbing?

What is it about those sports he doesn't like? How is his hand eye / hand foot coordination? If it is poor and he has trouble with spacial awareness perhaps is 'clumsy' could he be dyspraxic? Children who are dyspraxic often avoid sport as they feel they aren't very good at it.

If he hates walking is he in pain? Dd, has a growth problem in her feet that causes considerable pain everytime she has a growth spurt - I initially thought she was lazy because she didn't want to walk anywhere and it's common in tall children.

Embracelife · 04/11/2019 22:58

Let him choose a different hobby. Music or coding or drama. Drama is good for self esteem. No one needs to kick balls around.

Croquembou · 04/11/2019 22:59

unless I sort out his attitude

Not 100% convinced his attitude is the problem here.

Maybe you just don't have a sporty kid. I know sporty parents find that tough but...🤷

Aquamarine1029 · 04/11/2019 23:00

Why is it required that he likes sports? Why are you insistent that he enjoy something he clearly doesn't?

FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 23:01

It's not me pressurising him! It's the football fixtures and the fact he feels isolated because he doesn't want to join in yet feels left out. And yes, I do worry about his physical health, its really not normal to hate ALL physical activity is it?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/11/2019 23:02

Has he tried all forms of fitness? No? Then he doesn’t hate all physical activity. Confused

Chloemol · 04/11/2019 23:03

Have you asked him what he would like to do?

Itsreallymehonest · 04/11/2019 23:05

its really not normal to hate ALL physical activity is it?
Yes - wait till he's 13!!! Grin

Finfintytint · 04/11/2019 23:06

Football isn’t the be all and end all of sportiness. Just encourage him in something else. DS was never into football but is now a fairly decent adult club player in Rugby ( far more inclusive as a sport).
He just needs to find his niche for an active lifestyle which doesn’t have to be a team sport.

FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 23:06

He won't do anything

Like I said he won't even walk the dog without complaining. It's not a health issue, we had a v honest discussion a few weeks ago about it because I began to wonder if he was anaemic, but he told me "I don't like moving" Grin

But it is now impacting him socially at school.

We had all this last month about cross country.

I don't have an attitude problem at all, I have a son I love dearly who has gone to bed in tears because he hates sports.

He doesn't have to get into football per se but he is extremely inactive and its concerning me. I'm worried about him socially and physically.

OP posts:
EmilyBishopmyconfession · 04/11/2019 23:07

Does activity cause him pain or fatigue (greater than you'd expect)? Could it be a medical problem?

Or alternatively he just might not be sporty. Encourage him to follow whatever interests he enjoys.

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 04/11/2019 23:08

Cross post

Xiaoxiong · 04/11/2019 23:08

I have one just like this. He is also upset at being left out. I understand, you don't want him to necessarily like football or even sports, you just want him to make the link that if he makes some effort he will get the return he wants, ie. playing with the other kids on a team (even the worst team is better than no team). Sometimes I watch DS1 and he literally just stands in one place and the ball goes past him, he jogs gently towards the kid with the ball and gets nowhere near before it's passed to someone else.

It's not the lack of skill, it's the lack of effort and yet really hating not being on a team. In DS1's case everyone is on a team, so he is sad he is on the D team not the A "or even just the Bs". I keep repeating "those kids play football constantly, they practice all the time, they try very hard, I can help you if you want to try harder too" but then he doesn't because "they're better than me".

What has helped with DS1 is older kids being kind and playing with him and showing him what to do; he is more willing to try when he knows it's older boys so of course they're better than he is due to age. Any older cousins/siblings/friends kids that could take him for a kick about and improve his skills, just enough to play a bit with the kids in his class?

FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 23:08

@Wolfiefan
Name me a few and I'll tell you if he's ever tried them. Seriously.

He swims and can sail but that about it. And given half the chance he'll avoid both

OP posts:
thinkfast · 04/11/2019 23:09

I don't like moving. I never have. My mum said that even as a baby I would just sit there and observe.

Sorry to say that i still hate moving. But I force myself to do some exercise as I am obese. But I hate every second of it. It's painful, tiring and I get no enjoyment from it.

FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 23:10

@Xiaoxiong
Such a relief to hear from somebody in a similar position

How old is your son?

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 04/11/2019 23:11

DS1 also kicks up the most enormous fuss about walking the dog with the rest of us - even though he can walk for hours when he wants to, somehow a stroll down the river on a Sunday afternoon with the dog is sheer torture. Are you sure we don't have the same son!?

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2019 23:11

He doesn’t want to be pushed into sport? I can’t blame him. Stay active as a family and let him find what he enjoys. I can think of much worse than being pushed into sport I don’t enjoy.
And stop labelling him as lazy. That’ll help. Hmm

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