My son is 9 and can barely kick a ball.

[FootballFandango]

My son is the.laziest child I've ever met. He even complains about walking the dog. His lack of physical motivation has always been a bone of contention...despite judo sailing cricket tennis and all sorts of other activities that I've tried him on, generally a term at a time. We try to instill discipline and robustness in our children and ourselves but he has always actively hated football.

His school is v sporty and he is the only boy in his class left out of an upcoming football fixture (there are 3 classes so I'm sure he won't be alone).

But I think at 9 he is definitely too old to do beginners football classes.... We can afford 1 to 1 football coaching but despite the fact that he is devastated about being left out, I can't see him actively participating... Even in a coaching session.. Yet he is too young to write himself off as being unsporty. It's obviously only going to further erode his confidence unless I sort out his attitude but that is v difficult.

Has anybody else had a child like this, did you turn it around and do beginner classes exist for football at his age?

My daughter is one of those no interest in sport/exercise prefers tech kids.
She will however happily walk around a shopping centre. Do you buy all his art stuff online or do you actually go to the shops? Walking around a shopping mall is exercise.
She also likes museums and galleries etc. Walking around them wears me out!! There are ways to get exercise other than sport.

Obviously not all children with dyspraxia are the same so some might be able to climb a 5 bar gate without any problem but have severe dyspraxia etc

It was just an example of something my DN could not figure out how to climb over it

I wouldn't be very happy either if I'd been placed in a very sporty school when I had no real interest in sport. That sounds socially isolating.

I’m going to go against the grain here and agree that you should push him a bit harder rather than accept he isn’t sporty.
Exercise that raises your pulse and makes you breathless is essential to build foundations for a healthy life. A pottering walk or sitting in a Topper is no enough if you want to reduce long term risks.

Our son was always reluctant at football because he’s not a natural sprinter so always slower. Rugby, however, transformed his life. He was initially reluctant to be cold and wet but the rugby coaches actively discouraged whingeing and reluctance. He had time with his father and went on tour with dads and lads etc. It was hugely sociable and he grew to love it. He became very fit in the process. He now plays rugby for the armed forces at a national level. It is his greatest love - so good his girlfriend also likes it. It built confidence and gave kudos.

If his body isn’t going to suit football because he’s not designed for sprinting find another sport that is high intensity, channels male aggression, builds bone density and grows confidence. If it’s a cool sport, so much the better. If he’s not a team player innately then maybe triathlon or tennis.

Could you do park runs as a family? What you cannot do is accept he just isn’t sporty and allow him to grow up leading a sedentary childhood. Sounds like you know that though. If he needs dragging screaming and kick towards exercise then so be it.

Dyspraxia doesn’t relieve the need for exercise- quite the opposite. Exercise will reduce the impact of dyspraxia.

Another one saying get an OT assessment
My son is being diagnosed with dyspraxia, I had no idea of the extent of his challenges because he does so much to avoid showing the difficulty he is having.

I've been told he is lazy because he won't walk upstairs and asks to be carried.

Turns out he isnt lazy, he feels scared because of his coordination issues. Also his feet and legs hurt because of poor muscle tone.

Your son might start feeling a whole lot more positive about exercise if there is a reason he finds it hard, beyond "laziness"

I have one DD-12 who is sporty, football is her main thing, but generally has very good eye-ball coordination so good at racket sports without lessons, and always happy to get out and do something. Then another DD-11 who is a complete home bird, hates PE, really can't do racket sports, and gets very moody if she doesn't have enough down time (and I mean dolid days of doing next to nothing). She does love dancing, so we've encouraged that. They are all different. I didn't like sport much either at that age, hard if you're just not naturally as good as others to feel discouraged.

Oh my son is like this. I've told him he has to do a sport, but I don't mind what it is. It's pointless choosing a team sport as he just can't do it. At the moment he does climbing. He used to do swimming, but was a competent swimmer and hated it, so I let him quit. He also cycles with his dad; they cycle to an ice cream parlour! I think it's better to make it a family activity, if you can, rather than sending him off to do A SPORT, which he might find more intimidating.
Can you all walk up a big hill together at the weekend?

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread but have you tried arranging normal playdates to help with friendships? Or cinema trip with friends followed by a meal? TBH kids at that age are moving around a fair bit without trying (outdoor playtime, walking to school, etc) so unless he's overweight I wouldn't worry. When he gets to secondary school he'll find like-minded kids to be friends with and there will be a whole load of probably free clubs for different interests. It is highly irritating when its hard to get them off the sofa, but you can't change their personality.

Have you ruled out medical issues?
I have been in a similar situation with ds. He knew he was far behind everyone else in terms of ability (he does have co ordination difficulties) and so would rather not try in the first place. He also didn't seem to understand what he should do during matches. And he was being left behind because of it.
I brought him to after school football and rugby and when I could see where he was struggling, we came home and practised at home.i explained everything to him (cones in the garden and drawing teams on a little white board to explain game play). Yes I sound crazy but after each training session we picked on one thing we could work on and bring it into the next training or game. We're started seeing improvement after each training session and match.
Last week he watch a YouTube video on how to run fast and told me that evening it helped him in school.
Went to rugby at the weekend and there has been so much improvement in him. From being the worst person on the pitch , there were only a few better than him at the weekend. He had a great time.
I don't know if any of this will be helpful to you, but I understand where you are coming from so just wanted to share my experience with you

You've mentioned a lot of cardio (sailing is a skill rather than a sport), has he tried something like weight lifting? A bit unusual for a 9 year old but I HATE cardio and always have, but love weight lifting. It's solo, you feel accomplished and the sessions are relatively short unless you're going for having your muscles give out.

Sounds like you're trying to push a square peg into a round hole. Your son doesnt like sport, is going to a very sporty school the best fit for him? It could damage his confidence and self esteem. You sound very sporty and competitive yourself but not everyone is like you, not even your Ds. Maybe he feels he can't live up to your expectations. I would ease off the pressure, try and find a hobby that he enjoys that doesn't revolve around sport- drama, music, art, coding. Also try individual sports- swimming, horse riding, archery, athletics, martial arts. But let him lead, dont push him into a hobby or sport he doesn't want to try. As long as he is doing PE at school and some activity at weekends -swimming, dog walking, out playing in the park, riding his bike etc I wouldnt worry about fitness levels. In my experience it's totally normally for DC to moan about walking the dog !

Perhaps he hasn't found a sport he enjoys just yet.

Also get his bloods tested vitamins etc.

Like @CherryPavlova our DS hated football and team sports like cricket at that age so we took him along to the minis rugby sessions at the local rugby club. It took some perseverance but at about 13 something 'clicked' and it became his passion both on and off the field. Ended up Chairman of his uni rugby club. In our experience clubs welcome all shapes,sizes and abilities and safety is paramount of course.

I don’t think the OP sounds awful at all, I think she sounds worried about her son who is upset about a particular issue.
She may not necessarily be going about things the right way, but that’s why she’s come here for some advice. I thought MN was supposed to be about helping parents?
Have you sat him down and had a really frank discussion about it? Explained to him that you know he feels isolated and upset, but it’s in his control to change things if he wants to (or not if he doesn’t?).
Slightly different as my DD is much younger (5), but she is so far not naturally sporty at all (although is active). She tells me she is by far the slowest runner in her class. She has some issues with her legs as a toddler which I think may contribute.
She was absolutely distraught after her first sports day as she came last in every race. I explained to her that it absolutely didn’t matter and children all have different strengths. I asked her if she wanted me to help her to be better at those things so she wouldn’t be so upset next year, and she said yes. So we do ‘sports day training’! It’s obviously very low key and we make it fun (her 4 year old sister joins in).

Why are you so desperate to make him play football against his wishes?

@FootballFandango I understand your frustrations and concerns. I'd be worried too. I think you've done the right thing in keeping trying with different sports. Sorry to hear nothing has clicked with him yet. I'm not sure you've had a lot of useful advice on this thread but just wanted to note that I do actually understand where you are coming from.

@EduCated that's interesting actually because I hate all sports and I do have a heart problem that's been there since birth but was only diagnosed as an adult.

@CherryPavlova
As for this "Exercise that raises your pulse and makes you breathless is essential to build foundations for a healthy life"

Oh really? well if my parents had been tyrants and forced me into something that I instinctively avoided I might've died. Spouting shit you've no basis for is unhealthy.

OP why have you sent him to so many activities? That's crazy. Swimming - an essential life saving skill. Sailing, judo, and many many more - not so much. He's 7!

Sorry, he's 9. Pressed the wrong number. 9. Give the kid a break and don't send him to a sports focused high school

Football is the most boring thing ever. i don't blame him.

I’m assuming he goes to the school he does as it’s their local catchment school rather than it having been specifically chosen for being sports focussed?
Some of us don’t live in large towns/cities and have a vast choice of secondary schools. We have one secondary school within a 10 mile radius, and all the children in our village and surrounding villages tend to go there. You can of course apply for a secondary school elsewhere but there will be no school transport available to get to them and public transport is in fairly short supply too.

What about horse riding?

You could sell it as him not needing to do the work, the horse will do it! It's not true, and horse riding is excellent exercise once you get past the lead rein stage, and it's good for balance and core strength - which is why it's recommended for children with disabilities.

He might find that he enjoys being with ponies and messing about in the stables too, and gradually increase what he does that way. There's a lot more to it than just sitting on a horse, mucking out and tack cleaning takes a lot of muscle power, and there's an excellent community around any riding school.

"I don't like moving"

This is a symptom of some forms of a Sensory Processing Disorder, of which Dyspraxia is one (although, I could be wrong, but I think Dyspraxia is characterised by frantic and regular movements but that are more uncoordinated). There are multiple other sensory disorders with slightly different symptoms so don't get bogged down by dyspraxia.

I would:

1. Get him assessed by an Occupational Therapist. Do this privately as the NHS won't help you. It is expensive but will help you to understand what is just unwillingness and what is inability. It will also help put things in place for him both at home, and if you can afford it, via sessions with an OT. (Just one set of 8 weeks so far has had a huge impact on DS. He starts another set next week).

1. Read "The Out-of-Sync Child

Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder By: Carol Kranowitz"

1. When looking at High Schools, try to find one that is less focused on sport and more on things he enjoys - art/music/languages etc. Because if you are lucky and things improve, that doesn't mean he's ever going to be an enthusiastic rugby/football/etc player so finding an environment where that's not expected will be helpful to him long term.

Oh, and DS's struggles with both fine and gross motor skills have improved. Partly with OT, but also because he wanted to get better and has spent HOURS practicing with DH. If you can get your DS to do that, great. But based on your comments about him, he simply doesn't want to. DS' SPD is not one that causes him to refuse to move at all so it was more about gaining some skills.

Also, how are things like handwriting, eating with knives and forks etc?

I don't remember the details of children who simply don't move at all as when I read the book it ws completely different to my DS so I glossed over those descriptions, but the book I recommended above (I haven't actually finished it) has quite a lot about these types of children.