My son is 9 and can barely kick a ball.

[FootballFandango]

My son is the.laziest child I've ever met. He even complains about walking the dog. His lack of physical motivation has always been a bone of contention...despite judo sailing cricket tennis and all sorts of other activities that I've tried him on, generally a term at a time. We try to instill discipline and robustness in our children and ourselves but he has always actively hated football.

His school is v sporty and he is the only boy in his class left out of an upcoming football fixture (there are 3 classes so I'm sure he won't be alone).

But I think at 9 he is definitely too old to do beginners football classes.... We can afford 1 to 1 football coaching but despite the fact that he is devastated about being left out, I can't see him actively participating... Even in a coaching session.. Yet he is too young to write himself off as being unsporty. It's obviously only going to further erode his confidence unless I sort out his attitude but that is v difficult.

Has anybody else had a child like this, did you turn it around and do beginner classes exist for football at his age?

Sorry, I've been travelling for work all day.

Some of you think I'm some hypercritical ass, I'm not, I just don't think it's normal to be so resistant to exercise.

He told me he wants to learn football properly... I think its sad that at 9 he feels he's missed the boat, but I'm in West of Scotland where football is everything. I can't find him a beginners football team for his age, so we've (he and I incase you think. I'm pushing him) decided to get him 1 to 1 training until Christmas. He's an only child and his friends are all run ragged in various activities so little chance of getting a kick about.

But the whole exercise avoidant aspect does worry me. He is slim but has cellulite, his PE teacher said he was concerned about his lack of fitness and on the days he has pe he sleeps all the way home. I just don't think this lethargy is normal. Is it?

Re dyspraxia... He doesn't have any clumsiness issues... He's got beautiful handwriting and is excellent at art lego gardening cooking.... He's only unsure of himself in a sport sense.

I've never made him do anything, i offer him the choice and we go with it. But football in particular matters, there are days at lunchtime when the whole class is playing and he isn't encouraged to join in, and as the other boys get bigger physically and better at football, he's feeling somewhat left behind.

I think I need to take him to the gp to make sure there's no underlying anaemia..

Please bring your kid to the doctor and get a thorough check up.

He said he doesn't like moving. I've had gradually worsening chronic fatigue for years, last week found out there is something wrong with my thyroid.

I can well imagine a child reasoning that they don't like moving if they are suffering with the kind of fatigue induced by a medical condition tbh. Because if there is something wrong, he may genuinely not remember ever feeling any different so will associate exertion with crushing exhaustion and perhaps soreness, even if not particular pain.

As an adult I can remember having more energy and no chronic pain so know it isn't normal, and although I'm not sporty I used to really enjoy a fairly active outdoors lifestyle because when I was not sick it was fun and my body coped normally. Now sometimes I'm almost in tears with how exhausting routine daily life chores are.

Rule out a medical reason!

on the days he has pe he sleeps all the way home. I just don't think this lethargy is normal. Is it?

This is not remotely normal!

on the days he has pe he sleeps all the way home

That is not normal at all. PE is generally pretty mild exercise.

Does he want to learn football to fit in with the other children rather than a genuine wish to be better?

I've just read through the thread.

Yes, maybe I should get OT done on him.

No, I'm not a monster 🙄 I think rather alot of you are projecting somewhat. I probably pissed the entire world off by calling him lazy, but he is. And if I can't state that, in private, on a parenting forum.... What's the fucking point?!

No, His school is a large village primary and football just happens to be the thing to do. I can't move him, he loves school is v academic and has alot of good friends. He is overall a very happy well loved child.

I think most parents would be massively concerned with a child who hates walking, refuses even to ride a bike, sleeps after any exertion and where the school has flagged up concern about his fitness. He's not athsmatic BTW, rarely ill, has an excellent diet thanks to an obsession with fruit and veg. He does love bagels etc and would eat bread all day but I monitor that. I doubt that he has dietary issues.

@FlamingoAndJohn
I'd say its a bit of both to be honest. The football thing itself is sorted, he's asked for lessons and is getting some.

The bigger picture is more of a concern for me.

What does he enjoy though??
I have a football mad boy, totally obsessed, plays it every weekend (both days) and in the week (he’s 8) and every break at school. BUT he has rubbish imagination, I truly wish he had some imagination and loved Lego and building etc. We have a bloody long winter and although he’s still playing as much, once that’s finished he just watches YouTube videos of football. I wish he did more imaginary play or art.
It’s funny how we can all wish for what we don’t have! My girls have all had amazing imagination and haven’t taken to sport!!

@FreshStart01
No, he really doesn't need help with friendships, he has plenty and people naturally warm to him

@diy2019
Yes, maybe I should be coaching him, you're right, we could do some YouTube..I'm glad you saw such improvement. Maybe I need to be more proactive although he refuses any chance to do anything physical with me and when he does he's in a huff.

@aintnothinbutagstring
Its a village primary school, a big one. Two classes. There are a few boys in the other class not going. It's a good school, they're sensitive to children's needs, so either he got the wrong end of the stick or was being a drama llama but basically he isn't the only boy in his year not going, just class. There are plenty other clubs for him to do, it's not like a specialist sports school.

@ShinyGiratina
No, I doubt it's dyspraxia, he doesn't fit any of the categories at all, walked early, talked early, from babyhood onwards in the link I read, he's never fit the descriptions.

I probably pissed the entire world off by calling him lazy, but he is.

If it turns out that he's anaemic or somesuch, will you seriously still think of him as lazy?

That is unacceptable. Your kid sounds unusually low in energy for a child his age. He is reluctant to move. You seem to want to put this down to a character flaw rather than check out if there is a medical reason for it

In threads where an OP is describing a relationship problem (usually provoking an LTB response) it's frequently said "when he tells you who he is, believe him" and that applies to children too. To a child, their world is their normal. If there is a problem causing pain or tiredness, that's normal to them and it often doesn't occur to them that there is an issue going on.

Pre-teens, there's usually not much in it for them for being "lazy" especially if they feel that they are socially missing out by it.

Something sounds amiss here whether it is developmental or medical, and a trip to the GP would be a good first port of call to start investigating.

I've never been great at team sports, my brain doesn't seem to work that way. I think the best thing for him will be to find a regular activity he enjoys when he doesn't even realise he's exercising.

I'm surprised you haven't wondered it isn't a health thing if he falls asleep after PE

OP, definitely get his bloodwork done. Most fruit and veg are poor sources of iron, so the fact that he eats a lot of them does not mean that he must be getting enough iron. Anemia is quite common in kids.

Blimey, that puts a different spin on things. A 9yo should not be falling asleep after the slightest exertion! Even my resolutely non-sporty kids have boundless energy. I think your perception of him being lazy is blinding you to the possibility of a physical reason behind why he is like this. No healthy child is 'lazy' in the way you are describing. Like ShinyGiratina said, there's nothing in it for them.

Take him to the doctor. He should not be falling asleep after his school PE, it’s not normal. None of my kids classmates (also P5) need to sleep from exhaustion.

I suggest you slowly start working on his bike riding Next year, once you’ve had him checked? He’ll feel seagulls when he can’t participate in bike ability?

Doctor and OT.

I understand you're pissed off and upset with some of the replies on here. Don't disregard the good advice in amongst it though.

What you describe isn't normal and should be taken seriously.

FWIW I will say it again - an OT will be a very good place to start assuming a GP has been seen. There are a lot of things to explore beyond Dyspraxia.

I'm an undiagnosed dyspraxic who fits all the relevant criteria but never had any medical recognition. I have serious co-ordination problems and I wish my parents had investigated more rather than labelling me as lazy, distracted, uncaring and incapable. But then who knew that 20-30 years ago. Now we have google as a friend and forums for advice, please investigate further.

He might not want to put effort in to not face the realities of his weaknesses. I used to daydream to be a famous football player (I'm female fwiw) but didn't dare touching a ball as I just wasn't able to.

In the meantime try to encourage him to find something else 'cool' to fit in, as at that age it's important, it's just impossible to deny it. And to recognise his talents, even the non-cool ones.

OK, so he hates football, tennis, running, walking the dog (who really wants to be tagging along with their parents in the rain? It's actually you walking the dog, him following and observing you walk the dog), riding a bike, etc, etc, etc.

Apart from any medical things (I have PsA and EDS, so get that totally), including Vitamin D deficiency or that he needs glasses and can't see to be able to do anything physical, has it occurred to you that he just doesn't like them?

I despised all sport as a kid. I grew up in a family that only valued it - nothing I liked held any value for them. As it turns out, I just hated the things that I'd been made to do that were 'SPORT'.

I loved dance. I loved horseriding, rockclimbing and found at 16 that I really, really enjoyed using the gym (as long as it wasn't in a class or involved the elliptical or upright cycle, as they both hurt due to crappy joints/ligaments - the rowing machine is my favourite, probably because it involves sitting down, along with the weights machines - I also liked the treadmill but the PsA bolloxed that when my ankle and knee went to shit). I disliked gymnastics, but enjoy yoga/pilates. The only jumping I did outside a nice, warm dance studio was jumping the fence to cut the school 45 minute cross country run into a five minute jog out of sight of the teachers, have a nice sit down in the peace and quiet of the most wild part of the fields, then another five minute jog as the main body of the rest of the class were coming back into sight. I absolutely detest being cold and wet. But if I'm warm, dry, provided with aircon in case of getting hot and there isn't anybody else making demands of me, I'm great with physical activity.

I also buy myself decent supportive footwear, as kids' trainers were shit. A £15 pair from Primark as an adult is going to result in a nine month injury for me - but a pair for a bit more from a specialist shop, complete with gait analysis, means that I get Motion Control shoes that reduce the risk of acute or chronic injuries, make me more efficient in moving and I am definitely less tired/in pain afterwards.

That's a thought - do his feet roll in/his ankles drop? Do his shoes wear on one side? Does he have a visible arch in his foot when he's standing, or is his instep practically touching the floor? If you got him to go on tiptoes, would an arch appear?

If there are no medical/physical/nutritional/biomechanical things going on, he just doesn't like sport and fuck all is going to change that - certainly not by forcing him to do stuff. It'll just put him off even more and he won't attempt to find something he does like as he gets older.

He's artistic, you say. What about music? If he were to learn to play the drums, he ends up with an almost full body workout. It's something that on paper involves sitting down - he seems to dislike weightbearing activity particularly - it's intellectually stimulating. And it's cool - he'll never be short of offers to join bands if he can play the drums.

How does he sleep OP? Does he snore, gasp or sweat? My DS was exactly like yours until he was diagnosed with sleep apnoea at age 6. After his tonsils and adenoids were removed he was a different child. It was like he woke up!

its really not normal to hate ALL physical activity is it

I can't stand any physical activity. I'm bone idle and happiest when lying down

I haven't rftft, but I work in the kids/sports area. If he doesn't like participating, but wants to be involved, would he be prepared to take on the role of journalist (take photos and write match reports for newsletter/assemblies) or practice and train to be a referee? (Football reffing pays well for teenage pocket money!!)

Some of the best sports leaders / young refs I have worked with 'hate sports'

Good luck