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My son is 9 and can barely kick a ball.

173 replies

FootballFandango · 04/11/2019 22:47

My son is the.laziest child I've ever met. He even complains about walking the dog. His lack of physical motivation has always been a bone of contention...despite judo sailing cricket tennis and all sorts of other activities that I've tried him on, generally a term at a time. We try to instill discipline and robustness in our children and ourselves but he has always actively hated football.

His school is v sporty and he is the only boy in his class left out of an upcoming football fixture (there are 3 classes so I'm sure he won't be alone).

But I think at 9 he is definitely too old to do beginners football classes.... We can afford 1 to 1 football coaching but despite the fact that he is devastated about being left out, I can't see him actively participating... Even in a coaching session.. Yet he is too young to write himself off as being unsporty. It's obviously only going to further erode his confidence unless I sort out his attitude but that is v difficult.

Has anybody else had a child like this, did you turn it around and do beginner classes exist for football at his age?

OP posts:
missfliss · 05/11/2019 10:28

@BlingLoving great advice. I also recommended OT (as have others ) but very clearly and well articulated

BlingLoving · 05/11/2019 10:33

Sorry @missfliss - I didn't actually read the whole thread! So did suspect I was probably repeating things. But am really passionate about this because the difference in DS in a relatively short space of time has been incredible and I feel bad we took so long to get him this help (in our defence, we weren't sitting around doing nothing, it just took us a while to get to the point where we realised an OT was the right thing to do. Even though, ironically, when he was 3 I had planned to do exactly that....)

missfliss · 05/11/2019 10:37

@BlingLoving not at all. I had literally no idea what an OT did in respect of children until our SEN advocate recommended an assessment as part of his EHCP. It was so useful and aside from identifying SPD it also identified issues with bilateral coordination, a weak shoulder girdle etc.

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HMArsey · 05/11/2019 10:42

I understand what you mean, OP, you want your child to make the connection between making an effort and achieving the thing he wants ie be included at football.

DD would happily sit on her arse all day, but there are a couple of physical activities that she really enjoys where she is exercising by accident, and she does those a few nights a week. We try hard to help her make the connection between effort in and reward out eg being able to join the orchestra, getting a distance badge at swimming etc.

I think some kids are naturally defeatist and even if they want something they don't seem able to apply themselves to try to get it.

BlingLoving · 05/11/2019 10:42

I had literally no idea what an OT did in respect of children until our SEN advocate recommended an assessment as part of his EHCP.

The problem with children with SPD is that neither the NHS nor the education system is set up to help them. My (NHS) GP warned me when we started the intervention process that as it sounded like a sensory/processing issue she didn't think we'd be able to access help we needed through NHS and recommended we start considering getting private support. DS' school is not only hugely supportive of him getting private help but hilariously gleeful about using the tools/tricks etc we get for DS for other children. His OT and his SEN co-ordinator have had a phone meeting to discuss types of activities that can be worked into the classroom. His teacher is willing because she knows it will help not only DS, but also other children with similar issues whose parents aren't able to access further support.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 05/11/2019 10:46

Has the OP disappeared?

I feel sorry for the kid.

FWIW I hated PE and was lazy at moving as a child. I loved horse riding and didn't consider it exercise; I think finding something fun thay is accidentally also movement is key for a lot of us. Pokemon go maybe, geocaching? As an adult I fell in love with dancing, and I'm now a horse riding instructor! I also adore lifting weights in the gym, go figure! My parents never pushed me.

But... I have hyper mobility, and am yet another voice begging you to get him OT assessed.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 05/11/2019 10:50
  • meant to add that I'm glad my parents didn't push me for sport - I would have pushed back, and in retrospect I would have got injured a lot more too, the joys of hypermobility.
kenandbarbie · 05/11/2019 10:55

Does he have other hobbies? LEGO? Art? Music? There are lots of other activities he can do other than football for social reasons. Don't they do plays, choir or any other activities he can join in at school?

Fair enough to insist on one physical activity for health. But it doesn't have to be football. Dance? Rock climbing? Athletics? Caving? Scouts so he can try a few things.

bloodywhitecat · 05/11/2019 11:16

My son hated sports at 9, he couldn't ride a bike, run or kick a football, he couldn't balance on a beam and ever walking was harder than average for him because he tripped over the smallest thing turned out he had dyspraxia and that made everything ten times as hard for him, physically and mentally.

Pollaidh · 05/11/2019 12:04

I have hypermobility which can make me clumsy (poor proprioception) and be painful. I hated PE at school, when I was undiagnosed, and would have been thought very unsporty/lazy. Once I found 'my' sports, aged around 17, I became very sporty, I just wasn't cut out for team sports.

Have you tried more solitary pursuits - yoga, pilates, going to the gym, hillwalking, rock climbing, ballet or street dance, badminton. I agree with OT assessment.

FlamingoAndJohn · 05/11/2019 12:58

Perhaps he hasn't found a sport he enjoys just yet

I’m 45 and I’ve not found a sport I enjoy. Some people don’t enjoy sport but sporty people seem to find this impossible to understand.

Some people don’t read/craft/sing. No one tells them that they need to find the right author/craft/song.

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 05/11/2019 13:12

I don't like sports OK, haven't got a competitive bone in my body so it didn't interest me one bit.
Always loved dancing and yoga though so managed to stay slim.
Would he try something like golf do you think? He might enjoy the ritual of it plus golfers seem to be obsessed with all the different clubs etc. Also means a little bit of travelling and always a good skill to have in male centric industries

Kokeshi123 · 05/11/2019 13:31

Xiaoxiong, I should add that DD's not wanting to swim/bike was a fear/confidence thing for her--I never had any issues with her not wanting to move around.

I see that you are getting physical issues ruled out, and I do think that that is a good idea--it seems so unusual for a child to just not want to move at all!

You have my sympathy as it does sound like a really frustrating situation.

BarbedBloom · 05/11/2019 13:52

I don't like physical activity or sport and I especially dislike walking. I have rheumatoid arthritis and hypermobility, so the pain is one element, but generally I would just rather be sitting down and reading a book or drawing. I swim now because I have to for my joint health, but honestly, I would as a preference be sat at home. I am also an introvert so team sport is hell for me. People people about a rush of endorphins but I just don't get that and never have. I do find as an arty photographer I move around to get better shots or places to draw and don't notice the movement, it is a byproduct. Something like that may help.

I had parents like you and a sporty school and all both achieved was making me hate sport and refuse to do any at all. College was good for me as I found other arty introverts and this continued into University. You can do physical exercise for health, as I do now, but it is possible that you never will enjoy it. As an adult I get that now but I didn't as a teen and my families refusal to accept that I did not enjoy any sport damaged our relationship. If they had pushed me into a sport I actively hated then it would have been worse still. Family days out were a nightmare as I just hated walking round.

I think he is in the wrong environment personally and he would be better at a different school and advised that for physical health reasons he had to do some kind of exercise, even if that was solo.

aintnothinbutagstring · 05/11/2019 14:03

My boy, 8, is not sporty, but he gets distinctions in his music exams and teaches himself coding. He wants to be a programmer when he's older so I've told him he need to do well in science and maths, he's very literal so takes all my 'career advice' very seriously. What else does your ds like? I'd be more pissed with the school for leaving him out of a match that the rest of the class are doing, not very inclusive is it? Is it private or state school OP?

LemonPrism · 05/11/2019 14:15

If he hates football why would you make him do it? He'll resent you massively and despise every second.

I'd get him into something else, horse riding, Cubs etc.

I actively hated all sports at that age. Now I like yoga, horse riding, clay shooting. Am a happy and healthy person I just fucking hate teams or running.

FabbyChix · 05/11/2019 15:18

My kids never done any physical activity now 31 and 26 they were geeks, interested in gaming and school work. They’re fit and slim.

ShinyGiratina · 05/11/2019 16:08

My 8 yo hates football. He has dyspraxia. Fortunately neither DH nor I could give a shit about football, and for a child like DS, it's a horrendous sport to participate in. There's the ball control, anticipation of what is likely to happen and co-ordinating with other people. From being a toddler, he's been a ball-hog, and never really grasped sharing the ball to and fro. DS2 gets it. DS2 is a great influence on DS1 as there's often the sibling rivalry to not want to be trounced by his little brother, although there have been times that DS1 has watched DS2 swinging around in a playground, sighed and decided to scratch around the mud with a stick instead.

I get DS1 because I've been there. School sport was pointless as a form of exercise. The energetic bit was getting changed. The rest was institutionalised bullying by the people on school teams, standing around, being shouted at and trudging around after wayward balls. Fortunately outside school I danced and got into DoE and have become a fit, active adult because I don't have to do teams and I can do things on my own terms. I've gone from the wheezing kid at the back over a lap behind everyone else to running half marathons for pleasure (I suspect not living in a cloud of smokers has helped)

With DS, the same as a pp, we do swimming, karate and parkrun. Also cubs. Timing matters to us. DS can not cope with anything directly after school, although awkward timing of swimming lessons means we have to launch off to the pool. We have a fun splash session while we wait for DS2 before DS1's which in reality is a bit of bobbing around collecting floats.

I suspect DS is hypermobile and he is certainly sensory. He relaxes in very odd positions, and has recently complained about his knees when doing 5ks. I do wonder if a lot of his "toddler" tantrums when out were connected to discomfort when moving about (there were certainly a lot about clothes, changes of routine and sensory overload).

Other give aways about DS1 are his lack of table skills, general shuffling around, and appalling handwriting; holding a pencil is physically painful to him. He is socially and physically burned out after school and he needs gentle nudging, carefully selected activities, lots of bribery and listening to to be an active child.

It was crap being a girl who couldn't do team sports. It must be harder for boys in the face of tribe mentality, and DS1 gets that with his class. There's only 12 boys in the year group and most are on some kind of team. Fortunately there's enough Legoers and Minecrafters to be friends with.

If they do really want a social connection over football, you can encourage the geeky side of following a team and knowing stats. For DS, he's not as bad as he thinks he is, he's "just" anxious, overthinks and is risk adverse.

Being active is important, but pushing it is counter-productive. It needs to suit the child, be fun (e.g. pokemon go while walking the dog) and low-pressure (the beauty of parkrun is that it's not the rigid ranking that you get in a class and non-competitive).

TeddyToaster · 05/11/2019 16:46

OP, it sounds like the school that's being unreasonable - not your DS! He's probably just not found his 'thing' yet. Maybe he's scared to do anything in case he starts feeling the pressure to make it his 'thing'?!

I'd echo suggestions of an OT, just incase but how about maybe asking your DS what he wants to do hobby-wise. Maybe the school could start some non-sport related clubs as there will surely be teachers who have talents / interests outside of sports!

CherryPavlova · 05/11/2019 17:39

Crustycrab It’s not me spouting bullshit, as you so eloquently put it. I’m not sure of your evidence base for your assertion but mine in WHO which says children aged 5-15 should have an hour of moderate to vigorously intensive exercise daily. That should predominantly be aerobic exercise ie make your pulse go up and make you short of breath.

Obviously a child with Bronchiectasis or Fallots tetralogy wouldn’t be advised to do that but most children should to maintain physical and mental health during childhood and reduce risks of osteoporosis, cancers, diabetes, falls, metabolic syndrome etc.

We do a whole generation a disservice if we don’t push them to exercise properly , even if they’re reluctant. Whilst play and pottering are better than television, they cannot replace a decent workout of their heart and lungs.

FlamingoAndJohn · 05/11/2019 18:09

We do a whole generation a disservice if we don’t push them to exercise properly

Exercise yes, sport no.
If you are not good at sport then playing a team sport is an horrific experience.

CherryPavlova · 05/11/2019 18:18

FlamingoAndJohn. Absolutely. It can be dancing or gymnastics, the gym or building dry stone walls. What it isn’t is Lego, Cubs once a week, choir, the park or PlayStations.

SoyDora · 05/11/2019 19:22

Exercise yes, sport no

OP is saying her son resists any form of exercise. Even walking. That’s why she’s worried.

Welltroddenpath · 05/11/2019 19:55

Cherry yes of course dyspraxic kids needs exercise. Mine does gymnastics and musical theatre.

He goes to a school where he has OT three times a week as well so for us knowing he has dyspraxia means I don’t expect a top athlete, he’s happy, he gets to go to a school with OT on staff. Because football etc won’t touch the coordination issues like every other day with an occupational therapy graduate for a hour. I can trust the professionals to get the best from him in PE in the least damaging way mentally.

Judo is supposed to be the best sport for dyspraxia as its repetitive movement. Anyway OT is best for that advice.

I’m extremely lucky my son is in his school with OT

ForalltheSaints · 05/11/2019 20:05

I think that Manchester United should sign him up immediately!!

There are some boys who hate football, indeed I can recall four at that age when I was at junior school. One went on to play rugby for a club side that is only a couple of divisions below the Premiership. Another was good at athletics.

So it may be a case of which sport he enjoys.

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