He’s embarrassed of me isnt he ?

[sociallyanxious]

I have severe social anxiety. If I have to attend something I am stressed for days before and it gets worse then the occasion itself I am so shy I can’t really talk and it’s awful.
Afterwards I’m exhausted.

We don’t really go out much. There’s a family occasion coming up. Dh kept saying we can’t get out if it but offering things like he would just take the dc or go alone (his side of family).

I thought I’d try just for once to be ‘normal’ arranged a sitter. Thought he would be pleased but his face fell.

He told me he can’t put up with how I am. That we aren’t going
He’s embarrassed of me isnt he

Yes to @PepePig you defo need to do things you can't back out of.

I don't mean to be unkind, OP, but I grew up with a mother with horrendous social anxiety, and after literal decades of her getting worse and failing to deal with it, I am just completely done with accommodating her.

The danger is your OH reaches the same point.

Actually, the real danger is your kids have enough of it, in time.

Absolutely yes to what @MitziK put below! This exactly this!

I think some posters here have been monumentally unsupportive, all this stuff you see on FB and on the TV about we should be more open about mental health issues etc. It's all a load of bullshit really because people are not really tolerant of MH. Her DH is unlikely to be as amazing as you all paint out, did he not know her when he got with her and had children with her? She said he was a childhood friend so he was well aware of her personality and issues socializing. Maybe he feels the need to play hero, good for him, maybe it suits him to keep OP where she is. OP has shared a hell a lot of herself and people just pile on and tell her how inadequate she is and say her husband will leave if he can't even get a shag out of her. There's MN for you!

Have you tried saturation therapy? I would urge you to seek more help, paying privately does give you the choice of counsellor. Also beta blockers might be worth a try.

Meds would probably really help. Keep trying different ones until one hits the spot.

This must be something more than just social anxiety because if you can't go into your own garden when there's no one in it that you have to speak to, there must be more anxiety going on than just interacting with people

A lot of social anxiety is about being looked at. It's not just about talking to or otherwise interacting with people. I have SA and I run, but It took me years to work up to being able to do it, and usually I have to wait until after dark.

I still struggle terribly with making and keeping friends.

OP, numerous antidepressants did nothing for me. The only thing that did was a benzodiazepine, which is the same class of drugs as diazepam.

Some things (the smaller ones) really do get less difficult the more you do them. Doing nothing makes it all worse.

And yes, your children will pick up on the fact that you are scared of the world. And growing up in a house that no one visits, with no family friends, or where they feel they can't bring their friends, is probably already having an effect on them.

Your DH probably thinks he's helping you by dealing with all the things you find hard, but actually he's enabling, not helping.

I agree with the poster who suggested you make a list of things in order of scariness and start with the least scary ones. As well as drugs and talk therapy.

That was an extremely powerful post, MItziK - needed, too, since it's always worthwhile hearing this "from the other side" if that makes sense

As you've so vividly shown us, a point comes where the carer needs to be considered too

Have you tried hypnotherapy. You would need lots of sessions but worth it.

some say baby steps others say that’s not enough some say change could happen then someone says it’s ridiculous to even think in 2 years I could work.

Baby steps can work, but as I said in my previous post, you have to stick at them and keep doing them. If you decide it was too much and don't do it again, you won't get there. You've sounded in your posts as though you give up quite easily, and that's why people have said do something like pick the children up from school. Because although that's bigger than baby steps, they're thinking that it's something you would have to see through, you couldn't go back home after two minutes because you felt uncomfortable if the children were relying on you to be there. But again, if you did it once, to have any therapeutic benefit, you need to do it the day after too, and the day after that and...…

Similarly with the poster who said she didn't see you being able to work in another two years. Yes it was harsh, but again based on your defeatist, nothing will ever work, attitude that comes across in your posts.

If YOU want to make it work, you will. But there's nothing anyone can do to make the process of getting there any easier. It's on you to face your fears and overcome them.

Were you ever assessed for ASD and/or speech disorders OP?

Would you consider following that up now?

If the child is only 1, why does he needs to be picked up from school?

Jesus! They are not normally out this early!

Please consider doing this with a therapist. Even if they just help you set up the exposure hierarchy.

I know people are being kind but it's very unlikely to work if you set steps that are too hard. Going for a pint of milk is a reasonable goal. Sitting in your garden is also good. Your first steps need to be ones that are already nearly achievable.

I am a therapist. I'm sorry I had to post because I didn't want you to step yourself up for something that will be too hard (if your goal is too hard you will fail and you will quit trying to recover because it feels impossible) start small, succeed, take bigger steps, succeed again

This situation sounds miserable and frankly untenable for a marriage.

I'd strongly advise you to get propranolol from your GP, it changed my life.

If the child is only 1, why does he needs to be picked up from school?

When writing DC, OP refererred to "them" and "they" ... it's possible to have more than one, you know

OP, I just wanted to tell you that some Norwegian doctors have developed a very successful treatment for severe anxiety and OCD. 70 percent are still in remission after six months. It's a four day intensive exposure therapy. There is a short video here of a man who had struggled so much for his whole life, but now is recovered:

It says in the clip that the treatment is being tried out in other countries as well, maybe it will be available in the UK as well.

Good luck with getting better!

I think he wanted you to keep the DC with you personally so he could go in his own

I have primary school age dc too (7 and 10) as well as a 1 y o

Have you been able to attend midwife appointments by yourself?

I'm surprised by some of the sentiment expressed here. Yes, OP is clearly not well, yes, her husband is undoubtedly experiencing the effects of this but, on this occasion, OP has actually identified a time when she feels she might be able to step outside of her comfort zone and tackle her social anxiety head on. And instead of her husband being supportive, and mumsnet being supportive, instead she is hearing her husband thwarting her attempts to overcome her anxiety, and a mumsnet chorus (for the first couple of pages at least) of 'yes, it's understandable why he would react like that'.

As a couple you will be struggling with this OP, but you sound like you are at a point where you are ready to face things. If you DH is not ready for the change in you channel your energies where you will find support. Do you have friends that can help you take steps out into the world again?

Would you think of getting a USB stick with throttle ear phones and put beautiful peaceful music you like because that could really really help an awful lot especially if you are in shops or walking around a town where you meet other people because that was really helpful for me

@sociallyanxious has anyone ever spoken to you about autism or selective mutism, both conditions are commonly linked, especially in women on the spectrum (I am autistic myself and have an autistic son and autistic daughter). It sounds very much like you have struggled with selective mutism for a large proportion of your life! This is not your fault at all, unfortunately women on the spectrum are commonly misdiagnosed and therefore do not get the right support, however if you research autism and selective mutism then you can actually look into strategies that will help you and support you.