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Original poster

WWYD - Feel so betrayed

437 replies

sausageandchips007 · 25/10/2019 17:17

Need some advice please.

We moved house and applied for a school place for our DC - due to circumstances we had to rent, though we ensured we met all the criteria and it was by no means a short term let. We are in this house for at least 2 years and ideally we are looking to buy once those 2 years are up or will just carry on renting where we are.

We came to know that someone wrote a letter to the school telling them that we had given false information and that we had no intention of staying in the area. The school did their investigations with us and found that we had complied with all the criteria etc.

We asked to see a copy of the letter under DPA 2018 and I have just received it. It was handwritten and matches very closely with my best friend. It also had content in it about things which only she knew. She has just asked us to be legal guardians for her 2 DC and her and her DH's power of attorney.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
BalloonSlayer · 27/10/2019 07:43

I don't think it's the same person at all. The letter writer has rounded writing, the other is cursive.

I can't believe anyone would think for a minute that's the same writing.

So, for me, I'm wondering why you think it's her? Do you want it to be her?

RockinHippy · 27/10/2019 11:34

Crikey, how nasty. I'd absolutely have to confront her with it. I'd find an example of her handwriting & have it to hand when I show her the letter & ask her opinion on it

RockinHippy · 27/10/2019 11:41

& to add, I've had an interest in graphology for as long as I can remember & there's too many strong similarities of key letters in those samples for it not to be the same person Sad

scubadive · 27/10/2019 12:11

I don’t think the writing is the same but if you think only she had the info, I think she was having a ,owning session to another friend about you in detail and then the other person wrote the letter. Maybe with her in collusion.

Some people have very strong principles around this type of thing. Also many close friends can be jealous and secretly enjoy things not going well for their friend. It’s just the way some people are, or more to the point the6 don’t like things going too well for other people.

Frazzledmum123 · 27/10/2019 13:04

Tbh I dont think the writing looks the same at all, vaguely similar but not the same. Also, dont underestimate the investigative powers of a desperate mum. My son didn't get into his school and I was utterly devastated. Sounds about batshit now but I barely slept for weeks, contacted multiple different organisations, researched my arse off, all for the appeal. Honestly some of the random shit I managed to find out was quite impressive. A friend of mine mentioned in passing about her friend who's son got in out of catchment and I found out who and where they lived. Decided my friendship with the person who mentioned it was ultimately more important than reporting her friend but I could have. The stuff about clubs and leisure centre could have easily been a guess, half the town use our local centre and most kids do 'clubs'.
I have friends who I'm close to in many ways but I could see may do something like this if desperate but my best friend I just know would not. There would be no doubt at all in my mind, she wouldn't. Only you know this friend but honestly I think I was heading for a nervous breakdown at the time my son didn't get in (other things going on at the time too) and I could have resorted to huge lengths to get him that space. Totally mad, he's very happy and doing well at the other school I just 'knew' he'd be miserable at! Grin

OatyGoaty · 27/10/2019 13:22

Is there a third person jealous of your close friendship who could have guessed you'd ask for the letter and be causing trouble?

OatyGoaty · 27/10/2019 13:22

In fact, you could even put it like that when you confront her.

NoobThebrave · 28/10/2019 07:59

Is it possible that someone else lost a space at the school because of missing out on the rented house? Maybe they didn't get their deposit in and you accidently gazumped? They would be quite cross and were maybe hoping to change things? I don't think the writing is the same or the motivation is there. It is easy to 'leak' info though chat or your child chatting?

FairiesontheSwing · 28/10/2019 12:17
Confused

Have you spoken to her yet?

PreseaCombatir · 28/10/2019 12:38

I think you need to hire a professional.
My handwriting can change on a whim, including formulation of my f, s, r and z’s, depending on my mood.
I think that’s pretty common tbh

DrJackDaniels · 28/10/2019 13:39

Honestly, my handwriting can look like totally different people depending on what I’m writing. Sometimes I would write fully cursive and forward slanting, sometimes more rounded, not cursive and more upright. Sometimes I will write capital letters totally different and sometimes it depends which pen I use as to how my writing looks.
To me, there are a lot more similarities and I don’t think you can discount your friend just because a coupe of letters look slightly different.
As to why she did this, if she did, some people feel very strongly about particular subjects they feel are morally right or wrong, or feel eaten up with jealousy and don’t want to tell you face to face but are happy to anonymously grass you up!

mankyfourthtoe · 28/10/2019 13:50

I've got a few styles of writing tbh. Cursive, teacher board writing, ks1 writing etc
So I guess she could have tried to do it less card like.
But I think you need to meet up and drag the letter out. She'd have to be great at deception to not be worried if it's her.

Crunchymum · 28/10/2019 14:10

I wonder why the letter writer didn't type the letter?

Do you think that she has tried to make her writing look a bit different?

Why have you not mentioned it to her (I mean about the actual investigation?) something like that I'd have shared with my close friends?

SpiderGal · 28/10/2019 14:19

I don't think they are written by the same person. They way they join letters is different, like in hope.
And they way they finish letters, isn't the same. like u

calmpuppycrazykids · 28/10/2019 14:29

i think the writing is similar when you look at the rt on the word birthday and the rt on the word property

LazyLizzy · 28/10/2019 14:39

The card looks rushed but I think they are very similar. I change my handwriting style and it can look different depending on if I'm taking care or rushing.

I think it's a good idea with telling her face to face what has happened and that you are waiting for the letter. Just watch her reaction.

LucileDuplessis · 28/10/2019 14:47

I don't think these are written by the same person. Some of the letters are very different.

billy1966 · 28/10/2019 15:36

Definitely worth spending the money to check it out.

Horrible feeling to feel about someone you trust.

GrimDamnFanjo · 28/10/2019 16:17

I don't think they are the same person.
Moreover if I was close enough to ask someone to be my child's legal guardian I would have challenged them about the school issue. Even if it was along the lines of "be careful no one thinks you are cheating "

OP has she ever commented on the school admission procedure?

Witchend · 28/10/2019 16:27

They don't look very similar to me. Looks a fairly standard female writing.

Any of the personal information the OP has suggested she knew would be easy enough to find out with little effort.

I think the interesting point is it being handwritten. Means that the person probably doesn't have a printer, or possibly a computer-wouldn't most people email it in?

PatchworkElmer · 28/10/2019 16:40

Wow. I couldn’t be sure either- hope you get some answers!!

Original poster
sausageandchips007 · 28/10/2019 17:37

We have met up and I haven’t said anything. The truth is I just bloody love her and I couldn’t bear it if it was her.

I can’t post any more samples but there are a lot of similarities in some letters and interestingly even in the letter some of the same letters look different so I can’t rely on that.

There are certain details in that letter that shows it is clearly someone very close to us. I can’t say exactly what those are.

She does have a computer BUT I know that she shares a computer/email address with her husband and therefore wonder if she didn’t want the trail. Or of course it may just not be her...

The school did their investigation not the council. We had already moved and therefore I don’t see how by writing that letter it would have stopped us.

The school did their investigations and asked us questions post offer. At that point my DC was not on any continuing interest lists. We live in a county where there were a number of children without any school place on allocation day. I don’t even know how things would have worked out if the school had withdrawn the offer as many schools in our area are their own admissions authority and have set their own admissions criteria. Whilst we met the criteria for this school we may not have met the criteria for some others.

To be honest I just don’t trust my judgement anymore. I don’t trust myself to just casually mention it and judge her reaction as I so don’t want it to be her.

At the moment I’m veering towards obtaining a professional opinion on the handwriting and take it from there.

OP posts:
PreseaCombatir · 28/10/2019 18:01

At the moment I’m veering towards obtaining a professional opinion on the handwriting and take it from there

I think this is the best course of action.
You won’t be able to mentally ‘let it drop’, but people on here are just people offering their opinions, you need an expert

billy1966 · 28/10/2019 18:13

Considering how deeply you care for her, a professional opinion is worth getting.

Do not mention a word though until you do.

If your friend has not sent this awful letter, you must accept that she would be devastated that you thought she did.

And that would absolutely be her right.

So not a hint of it, until you know for sure.

Best of luck.💐

silver1977 · 28/10/2019 18:26

Yes I agree with PP. How awful for your best friend to accuse you of this if it wasn't you, it would most likely end your friendship. She would be devastated you could think this of her. Of course you're feeling like that now however you don't know for sure yet. Not really sure how you're going to find out, there is no fool-proof way to find out really is there!

Sorry someone has done this to you, it must be upsetting that someone thought so strongly to do this Flowers

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