Yet another fecking gift experience that is useless

[Jaggypinecone]

I am utterly sick of these. I know they are well intentioned but I have never used any yet as they are too far away or just not our thing.

I'd hoped to avoid this happening again by 'having the conversation' with the person who usually buys me one for Xmas but it arrived early as he can't make it home for Xmas this year.

When you think about it, it's basically telling someone how you think they should spend their time. Time is the most precious gift of all and I don't want to spend mine shoehorning an afternoon tea for two at some shitty hotel or a fecking segway trip into my already busy schedule. It was bought down in London so is London centric. Given I live in the Scottish Highlands the nearest thing is in Edinburgh - sigh!

Straight to charity shop. And I'll need to 'have the conversation' well before xmas time next year. Any advice on how best to word this?

I'm assuming you were with him when you opened the gift (as you said he brought it before Christmas as you're seeing him now) & if so, how did you react?

If you didn't open it in front of him, I'd be inclined to get in touch & tell
him you weren't able to use the last gift he gave you as there was nowhere local to use it. Then ask if he'd like you to return it to allow him to use it or regift to someone else as you'd hate to waste 2 gifts.

Sell it on a local (as in Edinburgh where there actually is a place to use it) Facebook page and enjoy something with the money you get for it? I reckon that a lot of people in London don't really 'get' distances in other places. I know some Londoners will be along to refute this soon but that's been my experience.

Isit nearlyweekend
Give your head a wobble!
If it's too far away to use and would cost op a fortune to get to how the actually feck did he put any thought into it?

Have you actually travelled in the highlands?

I also dislike these kinds of presents OP, I don't think you're being ungrateful. Do you have a local school you could donate it to for their Christmas fair ? Loads of our local schools do raffles or silent auctions for theirs, they might really appreciate it.

Totally off topic but who gives a Christmas gift in mid October?

That's ridiculous, it's hardly a hefty item, it could have been sent in a card or via email, is this a gift giver who's making it all about him?

I didn't open it in front of him. He handed it to me as we were leaving the pub we'd met up in. Knowing his previous form, I would have waited until getting home as opening a present in front of someone, disliking the present and then having to feign delight is something that makes me incredibly anxious and fretful. It's like having to lie to an audience of best pals. It's horrible. It's like someone trying to elicit a positive response from me when it's not something I feel positive about.

And yes to whoever thought I was ungrateful for seeing it as a burden. Sorry but it is. It is a gift that is useless to me and would cost me more to redeem the gift to do something I don't want to do just to make the giver feel good about himself. I feel guilty about that therefore that in itself is a burden.

And no he has never asked if I've enjoyed previous experiences.

I'm giving my friend's daughter hers this weekend because we live 300 miles away and I'm seeing them and it saves posting it, @coconuttelegraph . I gave my friend her birthday present 10 months early for similar reasons, too!

(Not groupon vouchers though. And its secretly because I'm disorganised and liable to miss the last posting dates )

I agree. Experience day vouchers are a shit gift that never get used. I've had three - a driving experience, spa day, and family day out. Didn't use a single one.

Driving experience was miles away and 10 minutes in the 'experience' car. Pointless.

Spa day - gift from DH because it was the day before my birthday and he hasn't got me anything and he was able to print the voucher and therefore give me something in the day. No one to look after the kids so it went to waste.

Family day out - closest thing was 54 miles away and was for bowling. I have a bowling alley 3 miles from me so am I heck driving all that way when I can do it in my home city.

Spectacularly ungrateful. Use it or gift it on to somebody who will love it.

So if you weren't with him & he's never asked if you've enjoyed your previous gifts then just get in touch at Christmas & tell him thanks for the gift but unfortunately the last gift was wasted as there was no venue close by to use it within the time frame. Tell him you'd hate to waste this years so would he get use from it & then even if he doesn't use it, he'll hopefully not buy the same type of gift in future. If you see him yearly, I'd be tempted to say should we stop buying gifts & save the money to go out for a nice meal when we see each other.

@Isitnearlyweekend

You sound like an ungrateful cow to be honest. He obviously puts thought into it.

Funny, I find that women who go around calling other women cow are a better fit for that name calling. And it actually sounds like a gift with no thought into it. It’s clearly difficult for the OP to use it -a thoughtful friend would know and understand that.

He obviously puts thought into it.

He gives her a gift she has to travel hundreds of miles to use. How is that putting a lot of thought in to it?

I’m with you OP. He’s obviously put no thought into it whatsoever.

I find things like that burdensome. I think they are usually so with the exception of a parent to teenager when the parent giver will take on the mental load of booking the day, getting there and back and arranging childcare. Ditto an adult child to an elderly parent perhaps. Otherwise you are basically asking someone to do the work of enjoying your gift. For an awful lot of people, the reason they are not constantly enjoying spas, afternoon teas, ballooning and driving fast cars is a problem of time and logistics rather than the expense of the activity. I know you could argue that people shouldn’t buy people anything as they can afford to buy it themselves put other gifts don’t often create work.

Sounds like you have lost the ability to communicate together. Just pick up the phone, say hi, how grateful you are that he has thought of you, but it’s very difficult to actually use such a gift, and that you were concerned about him paying out a lot of money and it not being practical. That way you are not being ungrateful for his gift, but showing concern that his well meaning efforts might be going to waste. Any decent friendship could accommodate this surely?

So when you write your thank you card tell him it’s an amazing thought as always but would he mind if you sold it on this year and use the money for x y z gift.
Tell him you are sorry but it’s too far or whatever.
At that point suggest next year you can suggest something you’d actually like ( but obviously in the form an easy to buy voucher from a favourite shop).

Surely you don’t spend all year in the Scottish Highlands

Why not, if that is where she lives?

Spectacularly ungrateful. Use it or gift it on to somebody who will love it.

Ungrateful for a gift that is miles away and cost her £££ to use?
What kind of useless gifts do you give that you expect people to be grateful for?

Giving a gift the recipient cannot use is worse than not giving anything. It shows you don't know anything about the person or their circumstances and just expect them to be glad to found some shite to give them.at all.

If you got a gift you had to travel 100 miles to and pay your own way there, book accommodation and pay for your meals it's hardly a gift if it costs you twice as much as the person giving it is it?

And why the feck would you give a gift and expect the receiver to just give it to someone else? What's the freaking point in that. That's like saying "I can't be bothered to think of something nice for you just give this to your sister for me."

I get you OP. It took me 6 months to use an afternoon tea voucher for a place 3 miles away, that you dont need to book for and is open 7 days a week 😂

Surely you don’t spend all year in the Scottish Highlands

She lives There! Is there a time limit we didn't know about?

I love these kinds of gifts, but it does remind me of DP's relative buying him a cheese tasting groupon voucher when he has never, and will never, eat cheese in his life just a total waste of time and money to even bother!

I would so love @blue25 to come back and explain why people in the Highlands don’t spend all year there. Does she think they suddenly become inhabitable around October? That everyone in the Highlands heads south for the winter like migrating geese?